(The scene starts when the Mario Bros. and Toad are in a desert with a lot of wind, searching for the princess.)

Mario: (talking in mind) Plumber's log number 10-61, evil King Koopa had grabbed Princess Toadstool and hid her way in the wild west.

(Mario reads a wanted sign on a Pokey.)

Wanted! Dead or alive? Butch Mario and the Luigi kid.

Luigi: Hey Mario, I told you we shouldn't of come. This place is full of dangerous outlaws.

Toad: (he points to the wanted sign) Hey, that's you guys!

Luigi: Us? AH!

Mario: Reward, 10,000 gold pieces.

(A Pokey wakes up and reads the reward.)

Pokey: 10,000 gold pieces! I'm taking you crooks to jail, now let that gold to the bank.

Mario: Hang on, don't you wanna read the part about how dangerous we are?

Pokey: You! Ha! I'll show you dangerous.

(The Pokey goes after them.)

Luigi: Mario! It's getting sticky. Do something.

Mario: Hey cactus! In your face partner!

(Mario throws a plunger in the Pokey's face.)

Toad: I don't get it. You guys aren't crooks, how come your pictures are in that wanted poster?

Mario: Must be Koopa's idea. When we find where he's hiding the princess you can ask him.

(Change scene to an abandoned mine where Koopa is keeping the princess captured. Koopa is pulling the princess up in a cage with a handle.)

Princess: Mario, Luigi, help!

Koopa: You'll never see those pipsqueek plumbers again. I put prices on their heads, ha ha ha, and a patsy on their tails. Your kingdom will never be free and you'll spend the rest of your life crawling at night, ha ha ha.!

Princess: I'll leave the crawling to you, you repulsive reptile.

(Koopa gives the princess a small dish with three beans on it.)

Koopa: Then there's breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the rest of the week, ha ha ha! I'll drop by in a few weeks to accept your surrender. Starve well my pretty princess, ha ha ha!

(Koopa walks away. Change scene back to the desert, where the Mario Gang are still looking for where Koopa has hidden the princess.)

Toad: When I get my hands on that King Koopa I'll fix his wagon

Luigi: Hey! What's the matter with Koopa's wagon? Is it broken?

Mouser: No, it's just fine.

(The gang sees Mouser with Sniffits on Ostros behind them.)

Mouser: And it's waiting for you, criminal vermin!

Mario and Luigi: Mouser!

Mouser: Sheriff Mouser to you, you despicable villains.

Luigi: Villans? Yo! I never villain on nobody. I'm uh-

Mouser: Under arrest, apprehended, and busted!

Mario: First you have to catch us.

(Mario runs off and so does Luigi and Toad, while the Sniffits and the Ostros just look at them run off.)

Mouser: After them feather brains! They're getting away!

(The Sniffits realize it and go after the Mario Gang on top of Ostros. The Sniffits lose them but the Mario Gang still keep running until they reach a dead end waterfall.)

Luigi: Oh no! End ded! I mean a dend dead! I mean-a we're trapped!

(Mario looks at the waterfall and realizes there's logs for them to cross.)

Mario: Check out those logs, we'll leap frog across.

Toad: I'm no frog. I can't even swim.

Mario: Then we'll leap Mushroom.

Luigi: You, you, you leap. I'll look!

(Mouser and the Sniffits find the Mario Gang stuck in a dead end.)

Mouser: The varmints went thataway. Get 'em!

(Mouser and the Sniffits go after the Marios.)

Mario: You gonna stay here?

(Mario leaps across the logs and so does Toad. Mario and Toad make it but Luigi is too scared to cross. He decides what the heck and leaps across very nervously. Luigi makes it just in time before Mouser arrives.)

Mouser: If they can do it, so can I. Uh, I mean you. Putty charge!

(The Sniffits look at each other, then jump on a log all together. They don't leap to another log so they cause themselves to go down a waterfall. Mouser starts crying. Change scene to a wild west city in a building called sheriff. Koopa is in there, mad at Mouser.)

Koopa: Those pesky plumbers got away, you bug-tooth bumble head! You have disgraced the rodents everywhere! You put those drain drips in prison or I'll lock you up instead.

Mouser: *gulp* Don't worry King Koopa, ha, I'll get every bounty hunter in the territory after them.

(Scene changes back to the wild west desert where Mario, Luigi, and Toad are dressed up as cowboys and riding on Ostros. They end up stopping where the reward sign was posted on a Pokey and notice that the reward has changed.)

Luigi: Oh no! Sherrif Mouser raise the reward for our capture.

(A Tweeter is on top of the Pokey hearing the discussion from the guys.)

Toad: For 30,000 gold pieces, I might think about turning you in.

(The Tweeter hears what the reward is now. He then squawks and flies away to tell Mouser where the Marios are. Luigi looks at a cloud that's coming from the abandoned mine, which is giving signals to help.)

Luigi: Hey, look over there.

Mario: Help! Help who?

Luigi: Who's me?

Mario then sees a picture of Princess Toadstool in a cloud.)

Mario: It's Princess Toadstool. Let's go!

(Mario, Luigi, and Toad head up to the abandoned mine with their Ostros. They make it and get off their Ostros.)

Mario: Princess Toadstool must be inside.

Mouser: Hold it right there varmints. Reach for the sky you varmints!

(Mouser and some Sniffits are surrounding the Ostros so the Marios wont get away. Mouser is aiming at the Marios with a little baby Cobrat loaded with fireballs in his hands. The Tweeter near him squawks at Mouser.)

Mouser: Not now you ratfink, you get the reward later. You think I carry that much cash?

(Tweeter squawks again.)

Mouser: I TOLD YOU LATER!!!

Mario: Partners, I think it's time to head for the hills.

(Mario and the gang make a run for it by hitting the Sniffits out of the way and ride the Ostros out of there.  Mouser lights up a bomb and throws the bomb to a big loose rock on top of the mine which explodes and the rock is loose. The song Rawhide starts. The rock is rolling down the road and the Marios are riding very fast, They reach the wild west city. They end up seeing some Pokeys blocking the road. Luckily Mario sees a store sign that reads free Italian food. The sign is covering the building sign Sheriff, and inside Koopa is hiding out, ready to kidnap the Marios.)

Mario: Hey look! Free Italian food, let's eat!

(The Marios get off their Ostros and head into the building, while the rock still rolls down and hits the Pokeys and keeps on rolling.)

Mario: Excuse me Paizano! We'd like three orders of free spaghetti to go!

Koopa: How about you stay, as my prisoners! Ha ha ha!

(The Marios hold up their hands high and they follow Koopa to a prison cell.)

Koopa: Princess Toadstool can forget about a rescue. I got her badinsky buddies all koopered up! Ha ha!

Toad: Looks like we're facing 20 years of bread and water.

(Toad lays down on one of the cells beds.)

Mario: Not me! My stomach would never speak to me again. Listen, I got a plan.

Mario: Water! Water!

Mouser: Ok, which one of you plumb scum keeps yelling he's dieing of thirst?

Mario and Luigi: (they point at each other) HIM!

Mouser: Hop tour leeny this is my water ha ha!

(Mouser drinks the water. Mario and Luigi begin clapping their hands together, getting pasta power.)

Mario and Luigi: Patty cake, patty cake, pasta man, gimme pasta power as fast as you can!

Mouser: Hey! What do you loonies up to?

(Mario hits Mouser's cowboy hat off his head and to the ground.)

Mouser: Hey! What's the big idea?

Mario: Sorry sheriff. It was an accident.

(Toad sneaks underneath Mouser's hat without getting caught.)

Luigi: Yeah, I mean we're so thirsty we don't know what we're doing.

(Mouser puts on his hat with Toad still under it.)

Mouser: I'm warning you jailbirds. Don't let it happen again!

(Mouser shuts the cell door and heads to a bar near by. When he enters the bar he takes off his hat and puts it on the table and sits down near a bartender.)

Mouser: Give me a shot of louver!

(Toad takes a peek outside and sees Bob-ombs nearby.)

Toad: Bob-ombs! Just what we need for the break!

(Toad heads over to the Bob-ombs, still underneath the hat. He then gets a Bob-omb and sets it up.

Toad: You'll get a bang out of this Sheriff Mouser!

(Toad leaves the loaded Bob-omb at the bar and makes a run for it. Then the bar blows up.)

Mario: If Toad doesn't get us out of here soon. I'm gonna eat this mattress.

Toad: Bombs away!

(Toad throws a bomb. Mario and Luigi here Toad's voice. They do nothing at all. just look at the wall where Toad is going to throw it and they get blown up by the Bob-omb. It ruined rheir faces.)

Luigi: Yo! I need a doctor.

Mario: I need a pizza.

Mouser: Stop them! Stop those horse thieves!

(Mouser is talking to the Koopa Troopas, but the Marios get away and head to the abandoned mine.)

Mario: You're right toad, this is the mine where Princess Toadstool was sending us smoke signals.

Luigi: I hope we can find her, before the sherrif posse finds us.

(The mario gang go inside. The inside gets devided into two ways. The Marios head the left way. They see a brick wall blocking their trail.)

Mario: Someone's bricked up the mine. I bet this is where King Koopa is keeping the princess.

(Toad see's a bomb plant.)

Toad: We can use those bomb plants to get inside.

(Toad struggles to pull it out  He then gets it and throws it near the brick wall. Luigi is struggling to pull an egg melon but he's struggling near where the bomb is about to explode near the brick wall.)

Luigi: Hey, fellows, LOOK! Egg melons.

Toad: Luigi!!! You're standing to close. Move back!

Luigi: YIKES!

(The bomb explodes and it does not break down the brick wall but it knocks out Luigi,)

Mario: Wake up Luigi! The only time plumbers sleep on a job is when we're working by the hour.

Luigi: Oh! Thanks Mario, but I can't breath in here. I'm a gondolla!

Mario: That's a gonner, spaghetti head. GONNER! OH NO! Hang in there little brother. Mario will get you some fresh air.

(Mario carries Luigi outside. Mario puts Luigi down outside. He then realizes that King Koopa and his troops are right outside as well.)

Luigi: Yipes! Now we're all gondolla!

Koopa: Now, linguini lips, we'll see who's really the fastest gun in the west.

(A baby Ostro pops out of Pokey's head, chirping.)

Koopa: At the cheep of 6, DRAW!

(The baby Ostro begins chirping until the third time.)

Luigi: Counting sheep always puts me to sleep.

(Luigi begins snorring but Mario hits him to wake him up.)

(The baby ostro cheeps two more times and then Koopa pulls out his little Cobrat as a gun.)

Koopa: GOTCHA!

Mario: That's only five! You cheated!

Koopa: Like my grandfather Poopa la Koopa always said, cheat, beat, and be married.

(Koopa shoots a fireball from the Cobrat's mouth to the Mario Gang.)

Mario: Won't cheat your way out of this!

(Mario jumps and avoids the fireball and shoots from his Cobrat gun to Koopa. Koopa and the troops hide behind a rock.)

Mario: Come on guys. I bet the smoke's clear. Let's find the princess.

(The guys go in the mine but they take the right path, leading them to the princess. They all fall down inside the mine where the princess is in.)

Mario: I knew we should of looked here first.

Koopa: How nice of you to drop in on Princess Toadstool. How are you gonna get out now, draino brains? Ha ha. Now I got you pipesqueeks just where I want you.

(Mario gets near a pipe and listens.)

Mario: Water! I hear water. Quick! Luigi, it's time for plumbing power.

Koopa: There's more than one way to get rid of pests.

Mario: Ready Luigi!

Luigi: Weady and waiting. I mean, uh, ready and raiting. I meUH!!! Just FLUSH!

(Mario pulls the knob all the way.)

Mario: Cool it Koopa!

(The water comes up and hits Koopa and his troops sky high.)

Princess: We're free! How can I thank you?

Mario: That's easy, I can think of seven ways.

Princess: 7?

Mario: Yeah! Spaghetti, ravioli, macaroni, tortalini, mazzarelli, linguini, and garlic ice cream.

(The episode opens to the Marios making some adjustments to a steam cabinet with several wires, pipes, levers, and a gauge hooked up to it. "STEAMOMATIC" is printed on the doors of the steam cabinet in big letters.)

Luigi: Alright!

Mario: Okay, okay, okay. I got it.

Luigi: Alright.

Mario: Alright! Okay. Let me get this one.

Luigi: Alright!

(Luigi puts away his wrench and wipes the machine with a cloth.)

Mario: Let me get this one here.

(Mario loosens a valve.)

Mario: Okay.

Luigi: Ah! There we go! All the valves are tightened!

Mario: Tightened? I thought we were loosenin' them!

(Luigi hits Mario as the phone rings.)

Mario: I'll finish up over here! You go get the phone!

Luigi: Alright.

Mario: And, uh, put it on speakerphone!

Luigi: Whadda ya mean speakerphone?

Mario: I fixed it special! Just push the third pepperoni from the right!

(A speaker, which is covered with pizza, has been set up next to the phone. Luigi presses one of the pepperonis.)

Luigi: Mario Bros. Plumbing! You clog 'em, we clear 'em!

Voice: Mario Bros! Ten hut!

(Luigi salutes the voice.)

Mario: Woah! It's that bully, Sergeant Slaughter!

Slaughter: I heard that! Drop and give me ten!

(Luigi wiggles his fingers and winks at Mario.)

Luigi: Okay, Sarge! We doin' 'em!

(Luigi does some movements with his arms.)

Luigi: (to Mario) You and your stupid speakerphone!

Slaughter: You'd better have my steam cabinet fixed! I'm stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge! But I'm takin' a shortcut, and I'll be right there!

Mario: How can ya take a shortcut off the Brooklyn Bridge?

Luigi: (under his breath) The guy's a goof!

Slaughter: It helps if you have a Sherman Tank, bozo!

(On the other end of the phone, the sound of tires screeching, horns honking, and cars being crushed can be heard. Luigi then turns off the speakerphone.)

Mario: It's as ready as it'll ever be!

Luigi: Alright, I'll go check on the pizza!

(Luigi walks over to the toaster oven.)

Mario: That Sergeant Slaughter's a pretty tough costumer! I'd better check this baby out!

(Mario gets into the steam cabinet and closes the doors. Sergeant Slaughter then walks down the stairs leading to the basement and enters through the front door.)

Slaughter: As you were, troop!

Luigi: As I was, was pulling a pizza out of the oven!

Slaughter: Proceed on schedule, doughboy! Hup two! Hup two! Double-time it! Meanwhile, I'll check this baby out!

(Slaughter walks over to the steam cabinet.)

Slaughter: See how she works!

(Slaughter pulls a lever, which turns on the steam cabinet.)

Slaughter: I don't like the way this thing is thumpin'!

Luigi: Why don't'cha come up into the kitchen, you can hardly hear it from here!

(Slaughter walks over to the kitchen.)

Luigi: Sounds good over here.

(Luigi pulls a hot pizza with bizarre toppings out of the toaster oven and presents it to Slaughter.)

Luigi: Oh, good! Oh, good and hot! *gasp* Huh?

Slaughter: (in a drill sergeant chant) What'd you make that pizza with?

Luigi: (chanting) Anchovies, grapes, and Cheez Whiz!

Slaughter: (chanting) I don't like that thumpin' sound!

Luigi: (chanting) Boy, I wish Mario was around!

Slaughter: (chanting) What's wrong with the steam machine?

Luigi: (chanting) It just needs a bit more steam!

(Luigi and Slaughter walk over to the steam cabinet.)

Slaughter: (chanting) Valve on! One two!

Luigi: (chanting) Red zone! Three four!

(Luigi points to the gauge, the needle of which is pointing at the red zone.)

Slaughter: (chanting) VALVE ON! ONE TWO!

Luigi: (chanting) RED ZONE! THREE FOUR!

Slaughter: Alright, doughboy! (chanting) Hit the deck and no more jive!

Luigi: (chanting) Please, Sergeant Slaughter, can I just do five?

Slaughter: Read my lips, doughboy! (chanting) Hit the deck and give me five!

Luigi: Why, I oughta-

Slaughter: Go ahead.

Luigi: Kidding! Just kidding!

(Later, Luigi is finishing off five hundred pushups.)

Luigi: Four ninety-eight! Four ninety-nine! Five hundred!

Slaughter: At ease, troop!

(Luigi gets up, and can barely move.)

Slaughter: Must be some kind of Communist plot!

Luigi: How do ya figure that, Sarge?

(Slaughter points to the gauge, where the needle is still pointing at the red zone.)

Slaughter: It's in the red zone!

(Slaughter touches the steam cabinet.)

Slaughter: Scolding hot! That's a real soldier's steam cabinet! I guess it's okay, except for that thumping sound!

Luigi: Oh yeah, but even that's getting smaller, Sarge!

Slaughter: Don't just stand there, troop! Load it on the tank! And move out smartly! I'm double-parked!

Luigi: Double-parked?

Slaughter: Yeah! I parked a tank on top of a Chevy! Boy, was that owner mad! I thought she'd never stop yelling! Double-time!

(Slaughter leaves, and Luigi attempts to start pushing the steam cabinet.)

Luigi: I'm gonna kill that Mario! Running off like this! I'm so mad, I'm ready to explode!

(Mario bursts out of the steam cabinet, but now he's the size of a midget.)

Mario: I'll show you explode! If I get my hands on that sergeant! I'll whittle him down to size!

Luigi: Mario! Stop kiddin' around and stand up!

Mario: I am standing!

(Mario looks at his shrunken body.)

Luigi: Mamamia! What am I gonna tell Mama? Look at you! For cryin' out loud!

Mario: 'Til next time, everybody-

Mario and Luigi: Do the Mario!

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