Quest For Pizza

Submitted by Hip

(The episode opens to a prehistoric land.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 1-0-9. We had arrived in Caveman Land, searching for Mugga, the medicine woman, who we hoped could help us set the Mushroom Kingdom free. But King Koopa showed up first, and was causing dinosaur-sized trouble.)

(The Marios are wearing backpacks, as they, Princess, and Toad unintentionally walk onto a large red dinosaur's back and sit down. The dinosaur, which has a head shaped like Mouser's and a pair of shades, gets up and knocks the group off. The Marios and princess run off, while Toad pulls out a book and
flips through it. He stops on a page with a description and a picture of the dinosaur, appropriately named "Mousersaurus Rex".

Toad: Mousersaurus Rex! The ugliest, slimiest, rottenness-

(Luigi grabs Toad and runs off, while the Mousersaurus roars and goes after them.)

Mario: Let's get outta here! Run! Faster! Faster!

(Koopa yells from off screen. He then rides down on what appears to be a cross between a Birdo and a pterodactyl. He's also dressed like a caveman and holding a Cobrat.)

Mario: It's King Koopa! He's gone caveman crazy!

Koopa: It's Alley Koop to you, spigot head! You're up Plumber's Creek without a plunger!

(Mario and Co run off.)

Mario: Quick, quick, get away from him!

(Koopa throws the Cobrat towards the group.)

Mario: Faster! Faster!

(Luigi trips over a bone, and Mario then trips over Luigi. The snake bites Mario's leg, causing him to leap into the air.)

Mario: I've been snake bit!

(When Mario lands, Luigi pulls off the Cobrat and helps Mario up, except that Mario is now petrified.)

Luigi: Mario! Mario! Wake up!

(Koopa, some Troopas who are also dressed like cavemen, and the Mousersaurus walk up to them.)

Koopa: I sure fixed his faucet! And now I'm gonna fix yours!

Princess: Quick! Pick him up! We gotta get out of here!

(Luigi picks up Mario and they run off.)

Koopa: Alley Koop Pack, attack!

(Koopa and his minions chases after Mario and Co, and the Troopas hurl spears at them. The group soon reaches a waterfall.)

Luigi: Oh no! We're trapped!

(Princess gasps as a Mushroom caveboy swings down on a vine and lands in front of them.)

Caveboy: Amuda masho potato!

Luigi: (in Princess' voice) What's that about mashed potatoes?

Toad: The rough translation: Scram this way!

(The group and the caveboy run through the waterfall. Koopa and his minions arrive, looking confused.)

Koopa: Blast it all, they got away!

(Koopa swings a bone around and hits the Mousersaurus' left foot. The Mousersaurus screams and hops on his other foot. Cut to a cave. The song "Alley Oop" begins. Mario and Co, the caveboy, and several other cave Mushrooms are standing there. The caveboy leads Mario and Co into another chamber, where an old cavewoman is squatting in front of a fire.)

Princess: It's Mugga the medicine woman! Maybe she can help Mario!

(The song ends. Luigi puts Mario down.)

Toad: I hope she takes credit cards!

Mugga: Oh meh ma wonna! Oga bunna!

(Mugga looks at Mario and gasps.)

Mugga: Ah! Oogaa mah manna!

Toad: Yeah, I know! He's hard to look at! But can you help him anyway?

(Mugga picks up a burning branch from the fire and holds it like a torch. She then points to a cave painting of Mario lying down.)

Mugga: Ugga ma! Ugga ma!

Princess: Look, it's Mario!

Toad: He doesn't look any better in the picture either!

Luigi: Forget the stupid pictures! What about the real Mario?

(Luigi pulls various foods out of his backpack and holds them next to Mario.)

Luigi: Pepperoni cheesecake, meatball sandwiches, garlic ravioli, and prosciutto spaghetti! Wake up, Mario! Please, wake up!

(Luigi starts to cry.)

Toad: Mario's worse off than I thought!

Mugga: Ugga ma! Ugga ma! Ugga ma! Ahma pizza!

(Luigi stops crying.)

Luigi: Did she say "pizza"?

(Mugga nods.)

Mugga: Ugga ma meemah!

(Mugga points to a painting of Luigi holding a pizza next to Mario.)

Princess: Luigi, it's you!

Toad: She wants you to get a pizza for Mario!

Luigi: That'll make him well? But I didn't bring any pizza! Well, no problem! We'll just order take-out!

Princess: But Luigi, there aren't any pizza parlors here!

Toad: Gee, Caveman Land really is primitive!

Princess: We'll have to make our own!

(Cut to outside, where a cow-like dinosaur is chewing on some grass. Luigi, Princess, Toad, and the cave boy walk up to it with a ladder and position it against her udder.)

Caveboy: Ooga booga! Ooga booga!

Luigi: Oh, easy for you to say "ooga booga"! You don't hafta milk this thing!

Princess: Hurry, Luigi! We need milk to make cheese for Mario's pizza!

Luigi: Right! Mario'd do the same thing for me!

(Luigi climbs up to the udder, but the dinosaur moos and hits Luigi with her tail, knocking Luigi off the ladder.)

Luigi: Sufferin' spumoni!

(Luigi grabs onto the udder and some milk squirts out into a bucket. The dinosaur bends her head over to Luigi and gives him a kiss, causing him to let go and scream as he falls.)

Luigi: Yuck. Run!

(Luigi runs off, but the dinosaur chases after him and moos. Princess, Toad, and the caveboy are standing on a ledge and holding vines.)

Toad: Forget runnin'! When in Caveman Land, do like the cavemen do!

(The three of them swing down. Toad grabs Luigi and they swing away. Luigi is now at a hollow tree with acorns inside, and he picks one of them up.)

Luigi: How does ground acorn pizza crust sound?

Toad: Not too good, unless you're a-

(A squirrel-like dinosaur appears.)

Toad: Squirrel!

(The dinosaur jumps up to the branch Luigi is on.)

Toad: Doesn't anything come smaller than jumbo-colossal around here?

Luigi: We'll just have to make do!

(Luigi stuffs his pockets with acorns, turns around, and sees the dinosaur, who is rather angry.)

Luigi: LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!

(Luigi jumps down, runs off with the others, and the dinosaur chases after them.)

Luigi: Whoever said "It's as easy as pizza pie!"  was nuts!

Toad: We got everything but tomatoes for the sauce! Pickin' tomatoes is easy!

(Later, Luigi, Princess, Toad, and the caveboy are at a tomato crop, picking tomatoes. Suddenly, Koopa hits Toad's hand with his Cobrat.)

Toad: Yikes! It's that retro reptile, Alley Koop!

Koopa: You're a memory, Mush-rot!

(Toad throws a tomato at Koopa's face. Koopa then bangs his Cobrat around.)

Toad: Uh oh! He's throwin' his snake staff!

(The group runs off, with Koopa and his minions on their tails. They run back through the waterfall and lose Koopa again.)

Koopa: How'd they get away?

(Koopa sees a trail of tomatoes leading through the waterfall.)

Koopa: Hmm. Alley Koop'll find those faucet freaks yet!

(Cut to Mugga's chamber. Mugga places a hot compress on Mario's forehead. Luigi is now cooking a pizza over the fire.)

Toad: Mario's lookin' bad! But not near as bad as that pizza!

Luigi: Well, it's not Pappy's Pizza from Brooklyn, but it's just what the medicine woman ordered!

(Princess adds another branch to the fire.)

Princess: Cook it quick! Mario needs that pizza!

(The cave starts shaking, scaring everyone inside. Outside, the Mousersaurus is bashing the wall with a log.)

Koopa: (yelling) Cave re-routers here!

(The Mousersaurus breaks through the wall, and the water from the waterfall starts flooding the cave.)

Luigi: Holy macaroni! The pizza! It's ruined!

(Koopa enters the cave.)

Koopa: And the fire's ruined too, pipesqueak! And no fire, means no pizza! Which means your brother Mario is finished! *laugh*

(Later, Koopa is gone and the hole has been boarded up. Mugga looks at her sundial watch.)

Mugga: Appa nana! Kaput!

Toad: She says-

Luigi: No need to translate! Mario's gondola if he doesn't get pizza! Fast!

(The caveboy comes running in with the pizza.)

Caveboy: Ugga pizza! Ugga pizza!

Luigi: It's not pizza if it's not cooked! No fire, no pizza!

(Luigi holds up one of the slightly burned branches. Mugga grabs the branch from Luigi and uses the char on it to draw a Fire Flower on the wall.)

Princess: It's a Fire Flower!

Mugga: Bunna Alley Koop! Bacon and tomato sandwich!

Princess: What's that about a bacon and tomato sandwich?

Toad: She says Alley Koop has a Fire Flower, but he keeps it under heavy guard!

Luigi: If we can get it, we can save Mario!

(Cut to another part of Caveman Land. A Fire Flower is on top of a small but steep hill, which is surrounded by a pit of spikes. Koopa and his minions are standing nearby.)

Koopa: This is what they'll be after! They can't have it, understand?

(The Mousersaurus growls lightly.)

Koopa: That putrid little plumber is soon to be ancient history! I need to keep him that way, understood?

(The Mousersaurus growls again.)

Koopa: Understood?!

(Koopa steps on the Mousersaurus' left foot, which is now bandaged from earlier. The Mousersaurus lets out a huge growl and hops on one foot again.)

Koopa: Then get goin', now!

(The Mousersaurus and the Troopas run off.)

(Cut to elsewhere in Caveman Land. The song "Alley Oop" starts up again. Luigi, Princess, Toad, and the caveboy are riding in a Flintstone-style car with square wheels up a hill.)

Toad: *gasp* I've had smoother rides in a cement mixer! *gasp*

Princess: Caveboy, you said the Fire Flower was just up this hill five hills ago!

Caveboy: Mucky glamma pancakey oon maple syrup!

Princess: What was that about pancakes and maple syrup?

Toad: He said: Over the next hill!

Luigi: Hold it, Caveboy!

(The car stops and Luigi gets out.)

Luigi: We can get there faster with a little bodywork!

(Luigi pulls out a hammer and chisel and chisels away at the wheels, making them round. The car then continues on without him, and he runs after it.)

Luigi: Hey! Wait for me!

(Luigi chases the car down a hill and grabs onto the back of it. The car drives through a dinosaur skeleton and one of the vertebrae falls down, stopping the car. Luigi goes flying and lands on the Mousersaurus' snout. The song ends. Princess, Toad, and the caveboy gasp.)

Luigi: Uh oh!

(The Mousersaurus sneezes and Luigi goes flying onto a rib. He then walks over to the car and picks it up.)

Luigi: Drop 'em, you louse-a-saurus!

(Luigi jumps up and down on another vertebra, which lands on the Mousersaurus' left foot. He then drops the car on his right foot and switches back and forth between hopping on his right and left feet, all while growling. Luigi gets back into the car and they drive off, out of the skeleton, towards Koopa's domain.)

Luigi: Look, there's the Fire Flower!

Toad: Burn stone, Caveboy! We got a pizza to cook!

(Koopa spies on them through binoculars.)

Koopa: That pipe dreamer thinks he's takin' my Fire Flower! I'll Koop his plans in the butt! Alley Koop Cave Pack, attack!

(Two Troopas use a catapult to launch a boulder in front of the car, causing its passengers to go flying next to the pit. Troopas approach them from one side, and the Mousersaurus, who now has both of his feet bandaged, approaches them from the other. Koopa swings down on a vine while screaming, and lands next to the group. Koopa throws a bone at the group, but he misses and hits the Mousersaurus' knee, knocking him over.)

Mousersaurus: Ouch!

(Luigi jumps over the pit and proceeds to climb the hill. Koopa and the Troopas attempt to hit him with spears and arrows, but they miss. Luigi reaches the Fire Flower, plucks it from the ground, and Koopa gasps. Luigi then powers up to Super Luigi.)

Luigi: Prepare to cave in, scalemate!

(Koopa holds up a shield, but Luigi shoots a fireball which burns right through it. Koopa drops the shield and runs off, as Luigi shoots him with more fireballs.)

Koopa: Oooh! Ow! Oooh! Eeeee! Ouch! Aaaaah! Hot! Hot! Hot! Ooooh! Ooooh! YEOW!

(Koopa jumps into a marsh.)

Koopa: *sigh* Much better!

(Luigi jumps down from the hill and over the pit.)

Princess: Super work, Super Luigi!

(Luigi looks at his sundial watch.)

Luigi: Oh no, time's almost up! We hafta cook Mario's pizza!

Caveboy: Mugga banana splitza!

Princess: What was that about a banana split?

Toad: He says: We'll take a shortcut!

(The group runs off. Cut to the cave. Luigi's power has worn off, and a new fire is going.)

Luigi: Okay, pizza! Do your stuff!

(Luigi holds a slice of the cooked pizza up to Mario's nose. Mario sniffs it and takes a bite.)

Toad: It's workin'!

Luigi: Mario! You're back among the eating!

Mario: Eating? Sounds good to me!

(Mario grabs the rest of the pizza and stuffs it into his mouth.)

Mario: What? Only one pizza?

Luigi: How ooga bugga mugga waooga ma!

(Princess and Toad laugh.)

The End

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