Mario and Joliet

Submitted by Hip

(The episode opens to a 15th century town.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 1601. We arrived in the Land of Romance, only things weren't quite so lovey dovey as usual. We were answering a call for help from a friend of Princess Toadstool. But right now, we were the ones who needed help.

(A street in the village is in ruins because a group of red Snifits are fighting with a group of blue Snifits. Mario and Co are hiding behind a destroyed building.)

Luigi: Looks like we landed in the middle of a feud!

(Beezos flie overhead.)

Mario: Beezos! Jump for it!

(They run off and jump in a hole as the Beezos fly past.)

Princess: We've gotta find my friend, Joliet! Maybe she can tell us what this feud is about!

(Mario, Princess, and Toad jump out of the hole.)

Luigi: Actually, I kinda like it here!

(Luigi shouts as some debris falls on him.)

Luigi: On second thought, I'll stick with you guys!

(They run into a dead end and stop.)

Toad: Woah! Looks like a no exit, dudes!

Luigi: Gallopin' garlic, look!

(Luigi points up to an Albatoss holding a Bob-omb, which it drops.)

Mario: Oh no! Looks like we landed in tough tortellini!

(A trapdoor below the group opens up, and they fall down into a sewer. Mario gets up and rubs his butt.)

Mario: *moan* We were a noodle away from disaster that time!

(A girl in a dress, Joliet, sees them.)

Joliet: Princess! I knew you'd come!

(Joliet pulls Romano, her fiancé, out from behind a corner and they walk up to the group.)

Princess: Joliet, what's going on up there?

Joliet: Romano and I were about to be married, when the Koopa came to our world and started a feud between our two families!

Mario: Hey, that Koopa's a real party pooper!

Romano: Now our fathers hate each other, and will never let us marry.

Joliet: We don't know what to do!

Princess: Well, as their official Princess, maybe I can do something to stop this!

(Above ground, a tile is pushed aside from underneath, and Toad climbs out. He shudders when he sees that the fighting is still going on.)

Toad: They're still goin' at it!

(The Marios, who are holding up Toad, let him get down. They then give Princess a boost up to the ground. She then whistles to both sides. Joliet's father, who's short and fat, walks out of a building near the red Snifits. Romano's father, who's tall and skinny, walks out of a building by the blue
Snifits. They both walk up to Princess.)

Princess: I want Romano and Joliet's fathers, front and center!

Joliet's Father: I'm Joliet's father, what's it to you?

Romano's Father: I'm Romano's father, who do you think you are, Princess Toadstool?

Toad: That's exactly who she is, feudin' dudes!

Princess: Your two children love each other and want to get married!

Joliet's Father: Nothing doing!

Romano's Father: Not in a zillion years!

Mario: She's not asking you, she's telling you!

(The fathers gulp and sigh.)

Princess: By royal decree, I order this feud ended! Romano and Joliet are going to be married!

(The red Snifits talk amongst each other.)

Princess: Now shake on it!

(The fathers look at each other, turn away, then look back and shake hands very firmly.)

Mario: This is one wedding Koopa's really gonna cry at!

(Cut to Koopa's nearby castle. Koopa is in the throne room watching the fathers shake hands through a magic mirror.)

Koopa: Cursed crocodiles! That budinski Princess is at it again!

(Koopa pulls a lever on the mirror, changing the reflection back to normal, almost.)

Reflection: Ya gotta stop this wedding!

(Koopa fiddles with a few coins from a sack.)

Koopa: Don't I know it? I've made a fortune supplying Albatosses, Snifits, and Bob-ombs to those feuding fools! If the fighting stops, I'll go broke!

Reflection: What you need to do is reflect on the problem!

Koopa: Well what can I do?

Reflection: Why don'tcha kidnap Joliet and blame it on Romano's family?

Koopa: What a wonderfully evil idea! *laugh* That'd start the feud all over again! *laugh*

Reflection: Brilliant! I knew you'd think of somethin'!

(Cut to the chapel. Toad opens the door to Joliet's dressing room.)

Toad: Shake your veil, bridal babe! The weddin's waitin'!

Joliet: I'm almost ready! (singing) Here comes the bride!

(An Albatoss flies in through the window and goes after Joliet. He manages to grab her and flies back out.)

Joliet: Hey! Help! Put me down! *scream*

Toad: Uh oh! There goes the bride!

(Everyone else is waiting in the main hall. Toad runs in.)

Toad: Joliet's been kidnapped!

(The others gasp.)

Joliet's Father: I knew you'd pull somethin' like this, jerk ball!

Romano's Father: I didn't do anythin', nincompoop!

(The fathers fight for a bit and come to a stop.)

Fathers: The feud is on!

(The fathers go over to their Snifits, which go back to shooting each other. They eventually blow a large hole in the wall.)

Toad: We've had it, guys! This feud's really bringing down the house! On us!

Luigi: Terrible tortellini! We're gonna be crushed!

(The ceiling starts to crack and debris falls.)

Romano: Not if I can help it!

(Romano opens a trapdoor to the basement. Mario and Co go down it, and so does Romano. The trapdoor is then covered in debris.)

Romano: We've got to find my Joliet! Who could've kidnapped her?

Mario: There's only one villain rotten enough to pull such a nasty stunt!

Mario and Co: Koopa!

Princess: Come on!

(The group runs off.)

(Cut to the Trouter-infested moat around Koopa's castle.)

Luigi: Look! The moat's filled with Trouters!

Princess: How're we ever gonna get across?

Mario: By getting things rollin'!

(Mario runs over to a pile of logs and starts to roll on them.)

Mario: Yippee!

(The logs roll into the water, posing as a bridge. Mario runs across to the other side and Toad gasps.)

Mario: Come on, gang! Let's hop to it!

(Toad, Luigi, and Princess hop across. As Romano crosses, he loses his balance and falls in.)

Romano: Yow! Woah! Woah! Woah! Yikes! Yow!

(Romano screams some more as a Trouter swims up to him. Romano gets back on the logs and makes it to the other side, gasping for air.)

Mario: Now you got the hang of it!

(A net that was underneath the group catches them and pulls them up.)

Toad: It's a net!

Luigi: Annette Funicello? Where?

(Cut to Joliet, who's locked in a tower.)

Joliet: *sigh* Romano, Romano! Where art thou, Romano?

Koopa (off screen): He's right here!

(Koopa opens the door. Mario and Co and Romano are tossed in by a big ugly Troopa.)

Mario: Trapped like hair in a drain!

Koopa: And Grunt, my Super Troopa, will make sure ya stay that way! So long, sewer scum! *laugh*

(Koopa and Grunt exit and lock the door, just as Toad crashes into it. Romano and Joliet kiss.)

Joliet: Oh, Romano! Parting with such sweet sorrow!

(The Marios look out the barred window in the door and see Grunt lifting a dumbbell.)

Mario: How're we gonna get past that muscle-bound meatball?

(Toad tugs Mario's leg. Mario picks up Toad so he can see through the window.)

Toad: Hey, I got a bodacious idea! He don't look so strong to me!

(Grunt lifts the dumbbell over his head.)

Toad: Big deal! I knew a Troopa who could lift two dumbbells!

(Grunt puts down the dumbbell and grabs two more, one in each claw. He manages to lift them both above his head and laughs.)

Princess: Nah! I knew a Troopa who could lift three dumbbells!

(Grunt bends down and picks up the other dumbbells with his mouth. This causes the floor beneath him to break, and he falls through.)

Mario: That's great, Toad! Just one problem! He had the key!

Toad: What a dumbbell!

(Toad smacks his head. Joliet then plucks petals from a flower in her bouquet.)

Joliet: We will escape! We won't escape!

Princess: We will escape! Look! Joliet's bridal bouquet is made of Fire Flowers!

(Luigi scratches his head.)

Luigi: Fantastic fettuccine!

(Mario grabs a Fire Flower and powers up to Super Mario. He shoots a fireball at the door, knocking it off its hinges.)

Princess: Way to go, Super Mario!

Mario: Let's get outta here!

(They run out the door, down the hall, and down a staircase. Koopa and some Troopas are going up the staircase, and they cross paths.)

Mario: Uh oh! Trouble in Koopa City!

Koopa: Koopa Pack, attack!

(The Troopas run towards them.)

Toad: So much for the great escape, dudes.

Mario: Find another way out! I'll give these Koopa clowns a taste of pasta power!

(Mario shoots some fireballs at the Troopas, who pull their shells off their backs and use them as shields. He then runs back up the stairs. Meanwhile, the others place the broken door on top of two dumbbells, and have created a makeshift wagon. Luigi and Romano push it and get on with the others, and roll down the hall. Mario's power wears off as the group comes down the stairs on the door, and he jumps on as well. The Troopas move aside as the door rolls past them and goes after Koopa.)

Koopa: Woah!

(Koopa gets to the bottom of the stairs and laughs as he pulls a lever that raises the drawbridge. As the drawbridge rises, the door rolls up it and flies over the moat to the other side. Koopa growls. Cut to the chapel. The song "That's Amore" starts up. Mario and Co are there with Romano, Joliet, and their fathers. There is also a bunch of cardboard cutout people as well.)

Princess: I now pronounce you man and wife!

(Romano and Joliet kiss and take a bow as their fathers applaud and shake hands.)

Joliet's Father: Guess we learned our lesson!

Romano's Father: Yeah. Our children's happiness is more important than our feud!

(Princess cries and wipes a tear from her eye.)

Princess: I always cry at weddings!

Mario: I always cry at wedding feasts!

Toad: Well, looks like these dudes are gonna live happily ever after!

Joliet's Father: Whadda ya mean the kids are gonna live with you? The kids are gonna live with me!

Romano's Father: Over my dead body!

Fathers: The feud is on!

(Joliet's father picks up a pizza from a table and tosses it at Romano's father. It misses and hits a cardboard cutout instead. Romano's father does the same back to Joliet's father. Soon, all sorts of foods are flying back and forth across the room. Mario now has some pasta on his head, and he eats
a noodle.)

Mario: Now this is my kind of feud!

The End

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