(The episode opens to Mario and Co walking through a medieval-like land.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 22-37. We were in the land of damsels in distress, and knights in shining armor, the legendary Cramalot.

Princess: I sure hope Mervin the magician can help me free my people from the evil King Koopa!

Toad: We don't even know if this guy's for real or not!

(A buzzing sound is heard and the group gasps.)

Luigi: Hey! That buzzin's for real!

Mario: Must be a beehive nearby! And where there's bees, there's raviolis smothered in honey!

(Toad licks his chops, and then turns around.)

Toad: Those aren't bees, they're Beezo bandits!

(Up in the sky, several Beezos are flying towards them.)

Beezo: Beezos away!

(The group gasps as the Beezos fly down to them, and jumps out of their way. Mario picks up a large apple.)

Mario: Take that, you Beezo bozos!

(Mario hurls the apple at one of the Beezos, and the others fly back at the group.)

Luigi: Look out! They're comin' back!

(Suddenly, a puff of purple smoke appears, and when it dissolves, Mervin, an old bearded wizard in a purple robe, is standing there. He also speaks with a Yiddish accent.)

Mervin: Beezos be gone! Abra cadrabra, buzz off!

(Mervin zaps the Beezos with his staff, and blows away some smoke from the tip.)

Princess: With magic like that, you must be Mervin, the magician!

Mervin: At your service, Princess! Wait'll you see my neat-o magic cave and my shtick with my crystal ball!

(Cut to Mario and Co and Mervin inside of Mervin's cave.)

Mervin: It was King Koopa who sent the Beezo bandits after you!

Luigi: C-c-crama's here in-in Koopalot? Uh, I mean, uh, Koopa's here in Cramalot? I mean, uh, shee, let's split this place!

Toad: What's that crud Koopa doin' here?

(They walk up to a crystal ball with wires attached.)

Mervin: I'll show you! Just cross your fingers that my aerial is hooked up!

(Mervin zaps the crystal ball with his staff, and after some static, an image of Koopa leading some Troopas that are dressed as knights is shown.)

Mervin: When the old king died, Koopa moved into his castle and crowned himself king!

(A flashback starts, with Koopa and his Troopas entering Cramalot Castle. Koopa is then sitting on the throne, holding a scepter.)

Koopa: Now, I can spread my evil meanness all over Cramalot! *laugh*

(The flashback ends.)

Mario: That Koopa's a clog in the drainpipe of happiness!

Princess: Is there anything we can do to help?

Mervin: Yep, I looked it up in the magician's handbook!

(Mervin pulls out a book, opens it to a certain page, and starts reading.)

Mervin: One special person can bounce Koopa off his throne, but first, he must pass a test no man has ever passed before!

(Cut to the group in the town square, where a golden sink with a golden plunger in it is positioned on a pedestal in the center.)

Mervin: Whoever is to free our land, must first pull the golden plunger from the sacred sink of Cramalot!

(Dollars signs light up in Toad's eyes when he sees the sink.)

Toad: Cash city! That plunger's made of solid gold!

Mervin: One thing about Cramalot, we're not chinsey! Whoever pulls out that plunger, will be crowned a real king, and become powerful enough to drive Koopa away!

Mario: Mervy, ol' pal! Your problems are solved! I've been unclogging sinks since I was knee high to a tortellini!

(Mario jumps onto the sink.)

Mario: Stand back, gang! The sink hasn't been built, that Mario can't unclog!

(Mario pulls at the plunger, and it manages to come out of the sink, with water spraying out. Everyone else gasps.)

Mario: Hey!

Mervin: Nice plumbing, hero guy! Dust off the crown, and call out the town! Cramalot has a new king!

(Cut to the castle. Koopa is sitting on the throne, with a Troopa next to him.)

Koopa: So, Mario thinks HE'S King of Cramalot! That impellent little faucet fixer! (yelling) How dare he? There's only one King of Cramalot, and who is that?

Troopa: Uh, can ya give me a hint?

Koopa: He's sitting right here on this throne!

Troopa: Hmm. Well gee, maybe ya better get off him!

(Koopa grabs the Troopa, who gulps.)

Koopa: (yelling) I'm talking about me, you know-nothing nincompoop!

(Koopa hits the Troopa on the head with his scepter.)

Troopa: Yes, your royal Koopaness! You're the most kingliest Koopa that ever Kooped in Cramalot!

Koopa: It's time to teach that pasta-eating plumber and his friends not to crown the Koopa! Sound that Koopa Troopa attack!

(Cut to the town square, where a few people have gathered around Mario and Co and Mervin. Mario holds up the plunger, and everyone cheers.)

Princess: Isn't this exciting, Mario? We're gonna crown you king!

Mario: Before you crown me, how about a celebration snack? I could really go for a mozzarella milkshake!

(Koopa and a group of Troopas show up and everyone gasps.)

Koopa: Don't celebrate yet, you sewer scrubbin' lovin' losers!

(They gasp again.)

Toad: It's King Koopa and his army of Koopa Troopas!

(Toad points up at some Paratroopas, who drop a net on top of Mario and Co and Mervin.)

Princess: Oh no! We're trapped!

Mario: I'll save us!

(Mario uses the plunger to magically cut a hole in the net. He then jumps out.)

Koopa: I wouldn't do that if you value the princess' beauty!

(Two Beezos are surrounding Princess.)

Koopa: Gimme that plunger!

(Koopa grabs the plunger from Mario, who gulps.)

Koopa: When I get through with you lasagna lovin' losers, you'll wish you never came to Cramalot!

(Koopa kisses the plunger and laughs, while the others gasp. Later, Mario and Co are in a hole with a spiked ceiling.)

Luigi: Now we'll never get back to Brooklyn!

Mario: Take it easy, Luigi! Things could be worse!

Luigi: We're trapped in a dungeon, about to be executed! How could things be any worse?

(Luigi cries.)

Mario: Well, for one thing the ceiling could lower, until it flattens us like a pizza!

(The ceiling slowly starts to lower, and Luigi's teeth chatter.)

Toad: Very uncool, dudes! The ceiling IS lowerin'!

Mario: Or, the room could fill with water, until we all drown like rats!

(Water pours out of a small hole, and starts to flood the room.)

Mario: Huh?

Princess: We've gotta get outta here!

Mario: Hey, I can think of another way things could be worse!

(Luigi covers Mario's mouth.)

Luigi: Mario, please! Don't say another word!

Princess: This time, it looks like we're done for! If only Mervin were here!

Toad: Yeah, there's never a wizard around when ya need one!

(Mervin suddenly appears in a puff of smoke.)

Princess: Mervin, where have you been?

Mervin: Sorry, I had to buy new batteries for my magic staff! You wouldn't believe those lines at the checkout counter!

Luigi: Never mind that! Just get us outta here before we turn into mushed macaroni!

(Mervin waves his staff and they all vanish in a puff of smoke, just as the ceiling would've crushed them.)

(Cut to a dark, spooky forest at night. The five of them reappear in a puff of smoke.)

Toad: Whew! That was close! I didn't think we had a mushroom's chance in a fryin' pan!

(Several pairs of eyes are watching them through the darkness.)

Princess: Where are we?

Mervin: This is The Forest of Perpetual Night and Terrible Dangers!

(Lightning appears in the sky, scaring the group as it hits a nearby pond.)

Mario: Look, over there!

(An arm holding a golden plumber snake rises from the water.)

Mario: There's a hand coming out of the water! And it's holding a plumber snake!

Mervin: That's no ordinary plumber snake! That's Excalibur! The mightiest tool of good deeds in all the realm!

(The arm throws the plumber snake at the group. As Mario grabs it, energy surges through his body, and he powers up to Super Mario.)

Luigi: Look, he's becomin' Super Mario!

Mervin: Mario, Excalibur has made you the most powerful crusader in all of Cramalot! Congratulations, kiddo. You must now face Koopa and drive him from the land!

Mario: Lead on, Mervin! With this magic plumber snake, I'll knock Koopa for a loopa!

(They walk off and look over a hill.)

Toad: Catch that, it's Cramalot Castle!

(The drawbridge over the moat is up.)

Toad: How're we ever gonna get inside?

Luigi: Hmm. Ah!

(Luigi falls down and rubs his butt.)

Mario: Luigi, you have to swim across the moat and let down the drawbridge!

Luigi: Me? But there- B-b-but I can't! I'm, I'm gonna have a baby! *groan*

(Mario taps his foot and pushes Luigi up to the bridge.)

Luigi: Eh, well, it was worth a try!

(Luigi looks back at the others and gulps. They cheer as Luigi dives into the water.)

Mario: Watch out for killer Trouter fish!

(Luigi stops in midair and runs over the water, as Trouters jump up and try to bite him.)

Luigi: YOW! Woah! Oof!

(Luigi hits the raised drawbridge on the other side.)

(Cut to the throne room. Koopa is there with some Troopas.)

Koopa: This is the most glorious day of my Koopa career! At last I'm king! King of all Cramalot! *laugh*

Mario (off screen): You're not king-

(Mario is standing on a windowsill.)

Mario: You're nothing but a crown kipping Koopa!

(Mario jumps down to the floor.)

Koopa: Cursed crocodiles! It's that pepperoni plumber!

(The others then jump down from the windowsill.)

Princess: And his plumber's helpers!

Mario: That's right, Koopa! I'm gonna clean your pipes! I'm bad!

(The song "Bad" starts up. Mario swings Excalibur around.)

Koopa: We'll see about that! Seize them!

(Mario jumps over to Koopa, while some Troopas run towards the others. Mario and Koopa start fighting with their weapons.)

Princess: Here come the Koopa Troopas!

Toad: Let's turn 'em into Koopa droopas!

(Princess and Toad run off.)

Luigi: Huh? Ah!

(Luigi gets up and runs off. Toad jumps on a Troopa and tosses him aside. Luigi does the same to another Troopa, as does Princess. Mario and Koopa are now fighting on a staircase. Koopa backs up to a platform at the top.)

Mario: It's no use, Koopa! When we plumbers run into trouble, we gotta flush it out!

Koopa: Easier said than done, macaroni mouth!

(Koopa grabs a chain and laughs as he swings over to another platform.)

Mario: You can't escape that easily, you sinister slime bag!

(Mario lassos Excalibur onto a chandelier, and swings over to Koopa. The song ends. Mario almost loses his balance on the platform.)

Mario: Woah! What's green and scaly, and covered with meatsauce?

Koopa: I dunno, what?

Mario: A Koopa that's landed in deep spaghetti!

Koopa: Cut the cord and fight, faucet face!

(A Troopa sneaks out from behind the throne and runs up to Mervin. Mervin pretends he doesn't notice, and then smacks the Troopa on the head with his staff.)

Troopa: Yow!

(Mario almost hits Koopa with Excalibur.)

Koopa: Woah!

Mario: Koopa, you're the meanest, ugliest lizard that ever slimed its way across Cramalot!

Koopa: Flattery will get you nowhere!

(Koopa jumps down from the platform.)

Mario: Tryin' to fly the Koop, eh Koopa?

(The song "Bad" starts up again. Mario and Koopa continue to fight. Koopa laughs and tosses a plate of food at Mario.)

Koopa: Take that!

(Mario grabs a sausage off the plate as it flies past him, and takes a bite.)

Mario: Huh? Thanks, Koopa! This dueling's made me work up quite an appetite!

(Princess jumps on another Troopa, and throws him at the other Troopas.)

Princess: There! That's the last of those grimy, green good-for-nothings!

(Mario eventually knocks the plunger out of Koopa's claw. The song ends.)

Koopa: Drats. You pasta-brained plumbers have foiled my plans again!

Mario: That's the way the meatball bounces!

Koopa: Then, as the old saying goes; He who Koops and runs away, lives to Koop another day!

(Koopa pulls out a potion and throws it, creating a door.)

Princess: He's escaping into a warp zone!

(Koopa laughs as he runs through the door, and it disappears.)

Luigi: Miserable minestrone, the Koopa's got away again!

Mario: Yes, but Cramalot's seen the last of him!

(Cut to outside the next day. Mario, who is now back to normal, is with the others.)

Mervin: Mario! Thanks to you and your brave buddies, Koopa has been chased from Cramalot!

Mario: Eh, it was nothing!

Mervin: Nothing? It was plumb fantastic! And Cramalot's people want you to stay here and be the king!

Mario: King? I always wanted to be king! I accept!

Mervin: I crown you, Royal Mario!

(Mervin places a crown on Mario's head. Mario smiles as the others applaud. Mervin waves his staff around, and a treadmill appears, with Mario running on it.)

Mario: Hey, what's this thing?

Mervin: Your new exercise machine! Whoever becomes King of Cramalot must be trim as a lion! No more pasta for you!

(Mervin pokes Mario's stomach.)

Mario: Er, on a second thought, Mervy ol' pal, I don't think I'm cut out to be king!

(Mario places the crown on Mervin's head and runs off.)

Mario: Here, aribaderchi, King Mervin!

(The others laugh as Mario runs off into the horizon.)

(The episode opens to Luigi and Edison by the manhole, in the middle of a game of chess. Luigi is the black side, and Edison is white.)

Edison: Now let me see here. If I move my bishop four to queen six- uh, no, no no, because if I do that, then I won't be able to move this one here. But then again, if I move that one here, then I can move this one here.

(Mario, who's at the table eating a bun, turns his face towards Luigi and Edison.)

Luigi: Yo, Edison!

Edison: Well, of course, if I move this one here.

Luigi: Ho!

Edison: Yes.

Luigi: Is there not a blackout in the Bronx you should be taking care of?

Edison: Well, I have a move here!

Luigi: I know, but we haven't got all day!

Edison: Okay, here it is!

(Edison moves one of his pawns forward.)

Luigi: That's it?

Edison: That's my move!

Luigi: After all that planning, that's your move?

Edison: That's it!

Luigi: I finally got you, Edison!

(Luigi moves his queen one space diagonally.)

Luigi: Aha!

Edison: That's it?

Luigi: That's it.

Edison: That's your move?

Luigi: That's it!

(Edison moves a rook forward several spaces and defeats Luigi's queen.)

Edison: Checkmate! *laugh*

(The doorbell rings.)

Edison: I just beat you, haven't I? Checkmate! *laugh*

Luigi: One of these days, I am going to get by now. I say checkmate! I say checkmate!

Edison: Look at that!

(The doorbell rings again and Luigi walks over to Mario.)

Luigi: Oh sure, just keep eating! I mean after all, let nothing bother that beautiful girlish figure of yours!

(Luigi taps Mario's shoulder and runs up the stairs to the front door.)

Luigi: I'm coming! I'm coming!

(Luigi opens the door and sees Patty, a young teenage girl with long black pigtails.)

Luigi: Oh, hi squirt! Who are you?

Patty: A sad-eyed orphan. No parents, no brothers, no sisters. Just me and  my shadow.

Luigi: Oh, what a sad story! Come in! Come in, sweetheart! Oh please, come on in my house!

(Luigi leads Patty down the stairs.)

Luigi: Listen, squirt. You don't happen to have a name, do ya?

Patty: Patty, the sad-eyed orphan.

Luigi: Mario! Mario, come here, we have a guest! This is my brother, Mario! Mario, this is Patty, the sad-eyed orphan.

Mario: Nice to meet ya, Patty, the sad-eyed orphan! Where ya from?

Patty: Oh, I've been drifting for about six months now. Ya know, livin' off the land. Life is tough when you don't have any parents to love and take care of you. *sob* No one even cares that today is my birthday! *sob*

(The Marios shrug.)

Luigi: Oh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wipe away those tears, little one!

(Luigi pulls out a hanky and wipes Patty's face.)

Mario: We'll throw you the best birthday party you've ever seen!

Patty: You mean it? With a birthday cake and party hats and noise makers and a VCR and a high definition color TV monitor?

Mario: Hey, that's asking a lot kid! I mean, we're just plumbers!

(Patty cries.)

Luigi: Alright! Alright! Alright! Patty! Patty! We'll see what we can do!

(The Marios pull out their wallets and take out some bills.)

Luigi: We'll cover it.

(Later, the Marios are in the middle of putting up balloons and streamers. Patty is sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating popcorn.)

Mario: Oh, I tell ya, beauty! I love the colors!

(The Marios put a streamer on the wall by the sink.)

Luigi: This oughta do it! Beautiful! Beautiful!

(Mario starts to blow up a balloon.)

Patty: Uncle Mario, could I possibly get some more popcorn?

Mario: Sure, Patty! As soon as I blow up this balloon!

Patty: I WANT IT NOW!

(Mario lets get of the balloon, which slowly releases air and floats down to the floor.)

Patty: Or I'll start crying!

Luigi: Yo, Mario! She's uh, kinda fresh for a sad-eyed orphan, isn't she?

Mario: Yeah. Those are the beadiest little sad eyes I've ever seen!

Luigi: Uh huh.

(The doorbell rings. Patty gets up and starts running to the door.)

Patty: I got it! I got it!

(Patty opens the door and sees her parents standing there.)

Dad: Patty, there you are! Your mother and I have been worried sick about you!

Patty: We gave at the office!

(Patty shuts the door. The Marios shrug as Patty runs down the stairs. Later, Luigi walks Patty's parents down the stairs.)

Luigi: Mother and father? Forget about it! Patty said she was an orphan!

Dad: An orphan? Why that's a new one! Last week she was telling people we were lost in space!

(Luigi laughs. The parents then see that the table has been set up for a party.)

Mom: Oh, are you having a party? How festive!

Luigi: Well, you know, it was supposed to be a birthday party, a surprise party for Patty, you know, the uh, little sad-eyed orphan who never had a birthday before!

Mom: Oh, that's terrible! Patty!

Dad: Let's not waste any more of these kind plumbers' time, dear. Patty! Patty, you get here this instant!

(Patty skips over to her parents.)

Dad: Young lady, when we get home, you are going to your room 'til the end of the century!

Patty: Who are you? My pre-orphan parents told me to never talk to strangers.

Mom: You know very well who we are! Now how could you do such a cruel thing like this to Mario and Luigi? Now apologize at once!

Patty: Sorry, Luigi. Sorry, Mario.

Luigi: Oh, that's all right, Patty. Say, listen! We still got all the decorations up, right?

Mario: Plenty of cake and ice cream!

Patty: And some expensive presents in somewhere?

Luigi: Why don't we have a party, and celebrate a happy family reunion, huh?

Patty: Please, Dad? It's gotta last me 'til the end of the century!

Dad: Well, okay!

(Everyone cheers and starts playing with party hats, noise makers, and balloons.)

Luigi: 'Til the next time, everybody.

Mario, Luigi, and Patty: Do the Mario!

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