(The episode opens to a riverboat paddling down a Mississippi-like river.)
Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 1-0-6. The River World. Princess Toadstool is being held captive on the Sinister Star, a riverboat under the command of Captain Koopa.
(On the deck, Koopa, who's wearing an admiral's hat, epaulets, a belt, a scabbard, and has badges on his chest, is pacing back and forth. Mouser, who's dressed as a pirate with a bandana on his head and a striped shirt, comes out of a hatch. He also has a lens missing from his shades to make the other lens resemble an eye patch.)
Mouser: First Mate Mouser reporting, Captain! No sign of stowaways!
Koopa: Fool! Those pinhead plumbers are bound to try and rescue Princess Toadstool!
(Koopa picks up Mouser and drops him.)
Koopa: And I intend to capture them before they do! Outta my way, rodent!
(Koopa on top of over Mouser.)
(Cut to below deck. The Marios, who are dressed as gamblers in trench coats and bowler hats, are playing cards at a table with two Troopas who are wearing bandanas, one of whom also has an eye patch. There's also a Goomba dressed as pirate as well. On the table is a pile of coins.)
Mario: All right, gentlemen, any sevens? No? Well then, go fish!
(The Troopas toss their cards, and Mario pulls the coins towards him.)
Luigi: (to Mario) How much longer we gotta keep these guys busy?
Mario: (to Luigi) 'Til Toad finds the princess, or I win all their money!
(Toad, who's dressed as a waiter with a fake moustache, walks around the deck carrying a tray with a lid. He stops at a door guarded by a Goomba.)
Toad: (in a cheap French accent) Captain Koopa sends ze happy birthday cake for Princess!
(Toad lifts the lid, revealing a sloppy looking birthday cake.)
Toad: Voila! Hey.
(Koopa walks up behind Toad and picks him up.)
Koopa: What kind of birthday cake?
Toad: The, the happy!
Koopa: Happy? Imposter, I never use the H-word!
(Toad drops the cake, revealing that a file, hacksaw, and two drills were inside.)
Toad: Whoops!
(Koopa opens the door and tosses Toad inside the cell, next to Princess.)
Toad: Woah!
Princess: Oh no! Toad, it's you!
Toad: Who did you expect? Pee-wee Herman?
(Koopa shuts the door and barricades it with a plank of wood.)
Koopa: Now all I need is those faucet freak Mario Bros!
(Cut to the Marios, who are still gambling. Mario pulls another pile of coins towards him.)
Luigi: (to Mario) I don't like it! Toad should've been back by now!
Mario: (to Luigi) You worry too much, Luigi!
(A Goomba hops by them with a plate of drumsticks on his head.)
Mario: About time the food came!
(Mario gets up and grabs a drumstick. When he takes a bite, two aces fall out of his sleeve, and the others gasp.)
Mario: Uh oh!
Troopa: Well-
(One of the Troopas gets up and walks over to Mario.)
Troopa: Thought you could cheat us, huh?
(The Troopa shakes Mario's arms, and more cards fly out. He eventually pulls off Mario's disguise, revealing his normal attire.)
Mario: Woah!
Troopa: Hey, it's the Mario Bros!
(Luigi walks over to Mario.)
Luigi: So, whadda we do now, Mr. Big Time Gambler?
Mario: Run for it!
(The song "Proud Mary" starts up. The Marios run off, and the minions chase after them. Luigi throws off his disguise while running around the boat. They eventually reach a dead-end railing.)
Luigi: Whadda we do now?
Mario: When in doubt, jump!
(The Marios jump into the water just as the minions approach them. The water splashes in the minions' faces as the boat continues onward. The song ends. The Marios then surface.)
Mario: And ya win some, ya lose some!
(A Trouter jumps out of the water, swimming towards the Marios.)
Luigi: Oh no, Trouters! The game's not over! Swim!
(The Marios swim off, with a Trouter on their tails. They are then lassoed and pulled onto another riverboat. A man with a brown coat and a hat, named Mark Twang, walks up to them.)
Mark: Howdy boys! I'm Mark Twang, captain of the Ding Bell! Who're you?
Mario and Luigi: Grateful!
Mark: I wish I could help you boys save your princess! I'm after the Sinister Star myself! At least I was 'til that conniving Koopa the Ding Bell's steam engine!
(Cut to the engine room, where the engine is in ruins.)
Mark: I'm just plain sunk, boys! I'll never win my race with Koopa to be King of the River!
Luigi: And we'll never get Princess and Toad back!
Mario: We'll fix this mess! What's a steam engine but a fancy way to move water through pipes?
(Mario hits a pipe and steam blows in his face. Cut to the Sinister Star. Koopa, Princess, Toad, Mouser, and the minions are on the deck. Mouser is looking through a telescope.)
Koopa: Your pushy plumber friends are finished, Princess!
(Mouser puts down the telescope and points.)
Mouser: Captain! Captain!
Koopa: Don't interrupt me! Not while I'm boasting and gloating! As I was sayin', with Mark Twang out of the race-
Mouser: That's just it, sir! Twang's right behind us!
Koopa: What?
(Koopa looks through the telescope and sees the Ding Bell.)
Koopa: I don't believe it! How did Twang fix that steam engine?
(Koopa sees the Marios on the deck with Mark.)
Koopa: No, no, no! It's that muttonhead Mario!
(Koopa throws down the telescope, steps on it, and a tongue sticks out. Cut to the Ding Bell.)
Mark: We need more steam!
Mario: More steam? Right away!
(Mario speaks through a pipe.)
Mario: Give her all you got, Luigi!
(Luigi, who's in the engine room, hears Mario through the other end of the pipe.)
Luigi: Okay, Mario! One all ya got, comin' right up!
(Luigi pulls a lever, which causes the Ding Bell to move faster. Cut to the Sinister Star.)
Princess: You might as well give up, Koopa!
Toad: Yeah! The Mario Bros'll save us!
(Toad hides behind Princess as Koopa walks up to them.)
Koopa: Let them come! I have a big surprise for them! Bring me the Black Pit Bob-ombs!
Mouser: B-b-black Pit Bob-ombs? Are you sure about that, Captain Koopa?
Koopa: Don't question my orders, you rotten rodent! Just do it!
Princess: Black Pit Bob-ombs? Oh, I don't like the sound of that!
(Mouser brings a chest over to Koopa and opens it. Inside is a normal looking Bob-omb, which Mouser picks up and hands to Koopa.)
Koopa: Down the drain with those pesky pipe pushers!
(Koopa throws the Bob-omb in the water behind the boat. It blows up, creating a HUGE hole in the river, which water starts draining into.)
Mark: Great jumping bullfrogs!
(Luigi runs up to Mario and Mark.)
Luigi: Mario! What's goin' on up here?
Mario: Uh, we got a little problem!
(Mario points to the hole. The Ding Bell turns around, but the current is pulling them towards the hole.)
Mark: The current's too strong, boys! We're done for!
(Princess and Toad gasp.)
Mark: I can't stop her! We're doomed!
(The Marios look down the hole.)
Luigi: Leapin' lasagna!
Mario: Help is on the way!
(Mario holds up his plunger.)
Mark: So long, boys! It was nice knowin' ya! But there's no avoiding the black pit!
(Mario ties a rope around the plunger and Luigi wheels a cannon up to him.)
Luigi: *shivers* Hear that, M-m-mario? We're, we're, we're fish bait!
(Mario loads the plunger into the cannon.)
Mario: Stop shakin', Luigi, and pull!
(Luigi fires the plunger out of the cannon, and it hits a target on a rock on the shore. The rope is holding the Ding Bell in place, securing it from falling in the hole. Princess and Toad cheer.)
Koopa: So what? Those pinhead plumbers'll never get past the black pit! *laugh* I'll still win this race and become King of the River!
Toad: It ain't over 'til it's over, lizard lips!
Koopa: Stop wisecrackin', Mushroom, or I'll turn ya into soap!
(Toad gasps. Cut to the Ding Bell, which is parked at the shore.)
Luigi: If you're askin' me, there's no way past that black pit!
Mark: Well, only one thing to do! We'll go to the Mouth of the River!
Mario: The mouth of the river? Where's that?
Mark: Not where, who! The Mouth knows everythin' about the river! She'll know what to do!
(Mark and the Marios disembark and arrive at a trailer. Inside is the Mouth, a fat woman with huge lips, a purple dress, and frizzy red hair.)
Mouth: You came to the right place, boys! I'm the fastest mouth in the South, and my advice is nice! I see all, tell all, and cure your bunions to boot! When my lips flap, the River World listens!
Mario: Tell us how we can sail the Ding Bell past the black pit!
Mouth: Take it straight from the Mouth, boys! There won't be a black pit, if the river goes around it!
Luigi: Yo, how can the river go around it?
Mouth: You're askin' me? You're the plumbers!
(Cut to the pit, where a network of pipes has been set up. Mario turns a valve.)
Mario: Let's pipe this river down!
(Water drains from the river and pours out of the pipes into a passage off to the side, going around the hole.)
Mark: The river IS going around the black pit! Now that's what I call super plumbin'!
(The Marios, Mark, and the Mouth are on the Ding Bell, which is now past the black pit.)
Mark: But I'm afraid I got bad news! Koopa's got too big a head start! No way we can catch him!
Mouth: No way? You're wrong! I'll tell you a way! I'm the Mouth of the River, just read my lips!
(The Mouth presents the Marios with two pendants.)
Mouth: These magic doodads are more powerful than pasta!
(The Mouth places the pendants on the Marios, and they power up to their Super forms. Cut to the Sinister Star. Koopa looks through the telescope and puts it down.)
Koopa: No, no, no! I hate those pesky plumbers!
(Koopa throws the telescope at Mouser and steps on it again. The Ding Bell is approaching them at a high speed, as the Marios are jumping up and down on part of the paddlewheel mechanism.)
Mouth: Jump faster, boys! We're catching up to Koopa!
Princess: Yay, Marios!
(The Ding Bell catches up with the Sinister Star.)
Mouth: Get ready to board, and kick Koopa in the kisser for me!
(The Marios jump onto the Sinister Star, next to Koopa. They then pick him up.)
Koopa: P-p-put me down, you wrench monkey!
Mario: Only if you let our friends go, Captain Koopoo!
Mark: The Marios jumped too fast! The paddlewheel's still turning, and I can't stop!
(The Ding Bell drives off.)
Princess: Thanks, Mario! Thanks, Luigi!
Toad: Looks like you guys saved the day again!
(Koopa rips off the Marios' pendants, causing them to lose their power and drop Koopa.)
Toad: Almost.
Luigi: Mamamia!
(Later, Mario is standing on the gangplank, and two hungry Trouters are in the water below.)
Mario: Don't I get a last request or something? A pepperoni cheesecake? A fettuccine sundae?
Koopa: Are you kiddin'? I'm a villain remember?
Princess: Don't worry, Mario! We'll think of something!
Luigi and Toad: We will?
(A turnip hits one of the Trouters.)
Mario: It's Mark Twang! And the Ding Bell!
(The Ding Bell drives up to the Sinister Star.)
Mouth: And don't forget me! Mother Mouth! Number one know-all, tell-all, river ridin' mouth from out of the South!
(The Mouth fires more turnips from a cannon at the Sinister Star. Koopa draws his sword.)
Koopa: Man the guns! Keelhaul the anchor! Sink that side-wheeler!
(A turnip hits the Clawgrip that's driving the ship, and he lands next to Koopa. Princess goes up to the steering wheel.)
Princess: Let's get this showboat off the road!
(Princess turns the boat around and crashes it into the shore. Koopa goes flying and lands on the shore. Mario and Co laugh at him.)
Toad: What a stick in the mud!
Koopa: Laugh now, sewer scum! But when I get outta here, I'll plug your pipes!
(Later, the Ding Bell crosses the finish line. Mario and Co and Mark are in the galley, sitting at the table. Mark is now wearing a crown over his hat.)
Everyone: To Mark Twang! King of the River! Long may he reign!
(Everyone gives cheers with mugs of root beer.)
Mark: Aw, shucks! Thanks, folks! Now, let's get this victory dinner rollin'!
Mario: Victory dinner? At last!
(The Mouth enters carrying a pizza, on top of which is a purple fish with the head of a cat.)
Mouth: The Mouth of the South cooked this up for you, mighty Mario! Delicious catfish pizza! Delightful!
(The mouth places the pizza on the table.)
Mario: Catfish pizza? This may be a first, but I'm not hungry!
The End
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