(The episode opens to a 1920's-style city.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 1929. We arrived in Crime Land, where the city was in the midst of its worst crime wave ever. And behind it all was the evil King Koopa, now calling himself Al Koopone.

(A taxi pulls up to a sidewalk. Mario and Co get out, and it drives off. The four of them look around.)

Princess: I wonder why they call this place Crime Land? Everything seems peaceful to me.

(Mouser, Triclyde, and a Troopa, who are all dressed like mobsters, exit a bank carrying sacks of money and violin cases and they run off.)

Luigi: Lousiness linguini! Those gangster goons just robbed that bank!

Mario: Come on, let's nab 'em!

(Mouser, Triclyde, and the Troopa walk up to a car and toss the sacks inside as Mario and Co catch up with them.)

Mario: Hold it right there! We're making a citizens arrest!

Mouser: Oh yeah?

(The three of them open their violin cases, which have Snifits inside.)

Mouser: Well eat Snifits, bilge brains!

(The Snifits start firing bullets like machine guns.)

Toad: Make like a bird and duck!

(The four of them duck under the bullets. Mouser, Triclyde, and the Troopa stop, get in the car, and drive off.)

Princess: I bet those crooks are working for Al Koopone!

Mario: Let's teach that renegade reptile that crime doesn't pay!

(They run off. Cut to a nightclub labeled "KOOPA KLUB" in neon lights elsewhere in the city.)

Koopa (off screen): This soda bar is the perfect place for my new headquarters, the Koopa Klub!

(Cut to Koopa, who's also dressed like a mobster with a scar on his face and a cigar in his mouth. He is in his office, sitting with his feet up on his desk, flipping a gold coin.)

Koopa: Those garlic gulpin' goody-goodies'll never get in here! *laugh*

(Mouser, Triclyde, and the Troopa enter, carrying lots of pink hatboxes.)

Middle Head: Hey boss, your order from the Gangster Supply Store has arrived!

Koopa: Fan-Kooping-tastic! Put it down!

(The three of them try to get a good grip on the wobbling boxes, and they fall over. Some of the boxes open, and fedoras and derbies fall out. Koopa sighs.)

Troopa: Gee, it's just a bunch of hats!

Koopa: That's what you think! Those hats are magic! Now put 'em on!

(Mouser and the Troopa each put on a fedora. The one Mouser is wearing has an Ace of spades in the brim. Triclyde puts a derby on each of his heads. Koopa pounds his desk, which gets their attention, and opens a violin case.)

Koopa: I'm gonna have myself a Koopa kick!

(Koopa pulls a Snifit from the case, and the others shiver. Koopa laughs and pounds the Snifit, which shoots a few bullets at the three of them. While they cower, the bullets bounce off of them, leaving them completely
unharmed.)

Koopa: Rampagin' reptiles! It works! *laugh*

(The three of them feel around their bodies.)

Mouser: I don't get it! We should have more holes than Swiss cheese!

Koopa: Those hats'll repel any kind of weapon! Whoever wears one becomes unzappable! *laugh*

(Mouser and the Troopa wipe their heads.)

Mouser: Sheesh. NOW he tells us!

Koopa: Hand out the hats! We got a Koopa caper to commence!

(Cut to Mario and Co, who are in front of a telephone pole. On the pole is a poster of Al Koopone, with the words "PUBLIC ENEMY # 1".)

Mario: Al Koopone is Public Enemy Number One!

Princess: And if we're gonna catch him, we gotta find out what his next caper's gonna be!

Toad: But no one in town'll tell us! The dudes are all too scared! *shivers*

Mario: Hmm. What we need is a stoolpigeon!

Voice: Psst! Hey bub, over here!

(The group looks around, and Luigi points down an alley at a Tweeter wearing a scarf and a cap, who is standing on stool.)

Luigi: Lucky linguini! A stoolpigeon!

(The Tweeter signals the group over to him.)

Tweeter: Ya wanna know Koopone's next job?

(The Marios and Toad nod.)

Princess: You mean you'll tell us?

Tweeter: Wouldn't be much of a stoolpigeon if I didn't! *squawk* Course, eh, it'll cost ya!

Toad: How 'bout this, pigeon dude?

(Toad pulls out a bag of chickenfeed.)

Tweeter: Chickenfeed! But, eh, since I'm a bird, I'll take it! Come here!

(The group crowds around the Tweeter.)

Tweeter: Koopone's next job will be to rob The First Mushroom Bank!

(Cut to the bank. Koopa and Co. walk in wearing their new hats, and are holding Snifits.)

Koopa: Reach for the skies, Mushrooms! This is a stickup!

(The customers raise their arms. Mouser walks up to them, and they shiver and sweat like mad. Mouser pulls the hat of a customer over his eyes and then turns his head.)

Mouser: Great balls of cheese! Here's the bank vault!

(Koopa pulls out a Bob-omb.)

Koopa: Plug your ears and watch your rears! I'm goin' Bob-omb bowlin'!

(Koopa rolls the Bob-omb along the floor like a bowling bowl. When it reaches the door to the vault, it blows it open and coins fly everywhere.)

Troopa: It's raining gold coins!

Koopa: Let's stash this cash and dash!

(Mario and Co emerge from the vault.)

Mario: Not so fast!

Middle Head: It's those pastrami plumbers!

Koopa: Do your worst, ya pipe patchin' pinhead!

Mario: Let's squash 'em!

(The four of them pull out vegetables.)

Princess: Take this, Koopa creepos!

(They throw their vegetables at Koopa and Co, but they bounce right off of them and they laugh.)

Luigi: Our vegetables bounce right off of them!

(Mario pulls out his plunger.)

Mario: This calls for pasta power!

(Mario runs up to Koopa, hits his head with the plunger, and goes flying.)

Mario: Woah!

(Mario lands next to his friends and wobbles.)

Toad: I don't get it! The dudes are unzappable!

Koopa: That's right! Thanks to our new unzappable hats! Now reach for it, plumb scum!

(Mario and Co raise their arms.)

Mouser: What should we do with 'em, boss?

Koopa: Take 'em for a ride!

(Koopa and Co laugh, while Mario and Co shiver.)

Luigi: I don' think he means a j-joyride!

(Cut to a bridge over a river elsewhere in town. Mario and Co are on the middle of the bridge, all wearing cement shoes, and are all tied up. Koopa and Co are on the side of the bridge.)

Princess: You better let us go, Al Koopone, if you know what's good for you!

Koopa: Ya don't scare me! In a few seconds you'll be suckin' seaweed at the bottom of the river!

Toad: These cement overshoes are hard to walk in! Somebody help me take mine off!

Troopa: Uh, I'll help ya!

(Koopa grabs the Troopa before he can run off.)

Koopa: Get back here you know-nothing knot head! They're not supposed to walk in 'em, they're supposed to sink in 'em!

(Koopa kicks the Troopa, who goes flying across the city.)

Koopa: So long, drain brains!

(Koopa pulls a lever, and a trapdoor opens underneath Mario and Co, dropping them into the water, where they sink to the bottom.)

Luigi: Well, here's another fine mess we've gotten into!

(Mario notices something that's flashing.)

Mario: Our faucet fixin' days aren't over yet! Look!

(Mario directs the others over to a Starman, which is lying next to him.)

Luigi: Lucky lasagna! A Starman!

(Mario bends over and falls down in front of the Starman.)

Mario: Starman, star bright! Give me pasta power! Give me pasta might!

(Mario grabs the Starman with his mouth, powers up to Super Mario, and breaks free from the rope and cement.)

Toad: Nice goin', super dude! Now set us free!

(Mario winds up his arm like a pitcher, and simultaneously shoots three fireballs, each of which hit Luigi, Princess, and Toad's cement shoes, setting them free. They then break free from the ropes, and Mario's power wears off.)

Princess: Come on! Let's knock that Koopa for a loopa!

(The others nod, and they swim to the surface. Cut to the Koopa Klub at night. Mario and Co are hiding behind trashcans in a nearby alley.)

Toad: Look, dudes! It's Al Koopone's hangout, the Koopa Klub!

Mario: Just leave things to Mario! I'll get us in as smooth as water through a drainpipe!

(Mario gives a thumbs up and winks. Later, they walk up to the door to the club. The boys are dressed as gangsters, and Princess is wearing a sleeveless dress, a gold necklace, and a headband with a feather. Mario knocks on the door, and Mouser, who is no longer wearing his hat, looks through the peephole.)

Mouser: Who is it?

Mario: (in a godfather-like voice) It's Aface and his gang!

(Princess twirls her necklace, and Luigi tugs on his moustache.)

Mouser: What's the password?

Mario: Password? Huh. Password?

(The others shrug.)

Princess: Um...

Luigi: Hmm...

Mouser: It's cheeseballs, ya dopes!

Mario: Oh yeah!

Mario and Co: CHEESEBALLS!

Mouser: That's better!

(Mouser pulls his snout out of the peephole, opens the door, and they run inside.)

Mouser: Oy. Some people are really shtupid!

(The group enters the main room of the club, and look around.)

Luigi: Swingin' spaghetti! Look at this place!

(Triclyde, who also is no longer wearing his hat, is sitting at the soda bar, and a Troopa is making drinks. A band made up of a Goomba playing a piano by jumping on the keys, a Pidgit playing a saxophone, and a Shy Guy playing a bass, are playing a jazzy tune. A male Birdo dressed up in a tuxedo and top hat is dancing with a female Ostro, who's dressed much like Princess. The Troopa then serves each of Triclyde's heads a float.)

Toad: Man, these gangster dudes are really hoppin'!

Mario: We've got to find out where they keep their unzappable hats!

(Princess points.)

Princess: Look, it's the hatcheck room!

Mario: Come on, let's cap this Koopa caper!

(They four of them run over to the hatcheck counter, which is manned by a Troopa. They beat him up, tie him up in a corner of the room, drop their disguises, and put on unzappable hats.)

Princess: Now we're the Unzappables!

Mario: It's Koopa clobberin' time!

(Koopa, who is also no longer wearing his hat, is sitting at a table with his legs up, flipping a gold coin.)

Koopa: This is the life! Who says Koopa crime doesn't pay? *laugh*

(Mario and Co jump in front of Koopa.)

Mario: We do, you goofy green good-for-nothing!

(Mouser, Triclyde, and the Troopa, who are carrying Snifits, gather by Koopa.)

Koopa: Cursed crocodiles! It's those clog clearin' clodhoppers!

Mouser: Yeah! And they're wearin' our unzappable hats!

Koopa: Koopa Pack, attack!

(The song "Beat It" starts up. The Snifits shoot bullets at Mario and Co, but they just bounce off of them. Koopa and Co gasp, and shoot more bullets. Mario and Co pull out vegetables and hurl them at the Koopas. The Birdo and Ostro duck under the crossfire. Koopa hides behind an overturned table to avoid the vegetables, where he shivers and bites his nails. Mouser, the Troopa, and Triclyde are knocked out one by one by the vegetables. Princess runs over to the bar and sprays water at the band, knocking them aside.
Koopa runs to the exit, but Mario jumps in front of him.)

Mario: Koopone, you've Kooped your last Koop!

Koopa: Not yet, pastapus! I still have one Koop left up my sleeve!

(The song ends. Koopa pulls out a potion and throws it, creating a door.)

Toad: The dude's escapin' into a warp zone!

(Koopa runs through the door and it disappears.)

Luigi: Lousy lasagna! The Koopa's flown the Koop again!

Mario: Yes, but he won't be breakin' any more laws in Crime Land!

(Mario takes off the unzappable hat and puts his normal hat back on. Luigi, Princess, and Toad walk outside.)

Princess: I don't understand it! Where's Mario? We've looked all over!

Mario (off screen): I'm up here!

(Mario is at the top of a ladder.)

Mario: And now that we've chased Al Koopone from Crime Land, I'm changing the name of the Koopa Klub!

(Mario climbs down.)

Luigi, Princess, and Toad: To what?

Mario: Mario's Pasta Palace!

(Mario flips a switch, turning on the neon lights that now read "MARIO'S PASTA PALACE".)

Mario: Until now this town didn't have one Italian restaurant, and that really was a crime!

(Mario winks.)

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