Koopa Klaus

Submitted by Hip

(The episode opens to Koopa's castle near the North Pole of the Mushroom World. Koopa, who is dressed like Santa Claus, complete with a fake beard and moustache, is inside with some Troopas, who are wearing Santa hats. The Troopas are emptying sacks of toys down a chute, onto a conveyor belt and into a crushing machine that resembles an evil nutcracker.)

Koopa: Smash 'em! Bust 'em! Break 'em! That's what I wanna see, broken toys! I hate Christmas! I hate gifts! I hate giving! Christmas! Ba humkoop!

(Triclyde, who has bicycle handles on his heads that are supposed to resemble antlers, and red clown noses, slithers up to Koopa.)

Middle Head: The ice bombs are loaded on the sleigh, Koopa Klaus!

Koopa: Good, Randolph, ya red-nosed Triclyde! I'm off to the North Pole to drop those bombs on Santa's workshop! I'll freeze the North Pole, and everyone will have a very unmerry Christmas! *laugh*

(Koopa and Triclyde go outside to Koopa's black sleigh, which is drawn by two Albatoss with bicycle handle antlers, and has a K on the front.)

Middle Head: And an unhappy new year! *laugh*

(Koopa pulls on the middle head's nose and lets it fly back into its face.)

Koopa: Leave the cool lines to me, okay?

(Koopa gets into the sleigh and pulls out a whip, which he hits the Albatoss with.)

Koopa: Mush, ya worthless birdbrains!

(The Albatoss fly off with the sleigh.)

Koopa: Ba humkoop on Christmas!

(Cut to another part of the North Pole. Mario, who is wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a straw hat, jumps out from under the snow with Luigi, Princess, and Toad. Mario and Princess are holding suitcases.)

Luigi: Mario! I got a funny feeling we are NOT in Hawaii Land!

Mario: What's going on, Toad? You were in charge of getting us here!

Toad: Uh, I guess I made a wrong turn at the last iceberg!

(The song "Jingle Bell Rock" starts up. Princess walks up to a sign pointing off in another direction.)

Princess: (reading) North Pole five miles as the reindeer flies!

Toad: Hey! As long as we're here, why don't we pay a visit to Santa's workshop?

Mario: As long as we're here, eh? Did you plan this, Toad?

Princess: Well, it is Christmas time, Mario!

Toad: My favorite time of the year! Presents! Presents! Presents!

(The others give Toad stern looks, and he blushes. The song ends. The group then heads towards the workshop.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, 12-25. A slight detour from Hawaii Land and the tropic sun, thanks to Toad. (out loud) Oh well, maybe we can pick up some gold coins working part time in Santa's workshop!

Toad: I can't wait to see Santa! I just know he's got a fabulous present for me!

Princess: Actually, Toad, I've got something I want to give to you!

(Toad leaps in the air.)

Toad: Did someone say something about a present? I've always got time to get a Christmas present!

(Princess pulls a wrapped present out of her suitcase.)

Princess: Merry Christmas, Toad! After all your hints, I decided to give you just what you wanted!

(Princess hands the present to Toad, who shouts. He quickly rips through the wrapping paper, and holds up a snowboard.)

Toad: A snowboard! I LOOOVE Christmas!

(Toad gets onto his snowboard and begins to ride around the Marios in circles, and then rides off.)

(Princess gasps and looks up.)

Princess: Look! Up in the sky!

(The Marios look up too.)

Mario: It's a bird!

Luigi: It's a plane!

(Koopa flies by on his sleigh.)

Koopa: It's Koopa Klaus! Let's give 'em a little Christmas present to melt their frozen pipes, eh?

(The Albatoss each drop a Bob-omb. The Marios and Princess gasp.)

Mario: Albatoss attack! Head for cover!

(The three of them run off as the Bob-ombs hit the snow and blow up. Toad, however, is tossed aside by the explosion, and he shouts. He then sticks his head out of the snow and sees his snowboard, which is next to him.)

Toad: My snowboard! My present!

(Toad hugs his snowboard.)

Toad: If that Koopa ruined my board I'll, I'll...

Princess: Don't you care if we're all right, Toad?

Toad: Well, yeah, but, my present!

Princess: I guess your present means more to you than we do!

Toad: Well, it is Christmas. Uh, are you okay, Princess?

(Princess frowns at Toad.)

Luigi: Mario! What's Koopa doin' up there anyway?

(The sign from earlier appears in a thought bubble by Mario's head.)

Mario: He's heading towards Santa's workshop!

Toad: WHAT?

Princess: We've got to save Santa!

Toad: *shivers* We've got to save the workshop and the toys! And Santa, of course!

(Cut to Santa's village. Everyone and everything has been completely covered by a thick sheet of ice. Mario and Co arrive at the village.)

Princess: We're too late! Koopa Klaus has frozen Santa's workshop!

Toad: But what about Santa?

(Koopa flies off from the village on his sleigh with the real Santa Claus, who's bound and gagged, riding in the back.)

Koopa: Now I've gotcha, Santa! Say goodbye to your workshop, and your elves, and your toys! *laugh*

Toad: HE'S GOT SANTA!

Luigi: Don't do it, Koopa Klaus! You'll ruin Christmas for everyone!

Koopa: Christmas? Ba humkoop!

Toad: This can't be happenin'! We'll never have Christmas again! I'll never get another present! *cries* Santa! SANTA!

(Koopa laughs as he flies off over the village. Mario and Co follow him.)

Luigi: We've gotta do somethin', Mario!

Mario: Look, the elves' playground!

(The Marios run into the playground.)

Mario: We got one shot, Luigi! Toss me a snow block from the igloo!

(Luigi gasps. He then struggles as he picks up an ice block.)

Luigi: I'm supposed to toss this to you?

Mario: Then, bring it to me!

(Luigi walks over to Mario.)

Mario: Set it on the teeter-totter!

(Luigi places the block on one end of the teeter-totter. He then feels a pain in his back and groans. Mario then lifts Luigi up onto his shoulders and walks around a bit.)

Mario: Now jump on the teeter-totter!

Luigi: You've gotta be kiddin'!

Mario: You wanna save Christmas or not?

(Luigi shouts as he jumps on the other end of the teeter-totter, which sends the ice block flying, and it hits Koopa's sleigh. Koopa and Santa both fall out and scream. Koopa grabs Santa with one hand and pulls out an empty sack with the other, which he uses as a parachute.)

Toad: Mario, you stopped Koopa!

Mario: But we still have to catch him!

(Koopa and Santa land away from the village. Koopa runs off, carrying Santa on his shoulder and the Marios chase after him. Koopa uses his sack to catch a gust of wind, which pushes him forward and he laughs. The Marios then throw snowballs at Koopa, who lets them land in his sack. He then twirls the sack around and throws it at the Marios, which knocks them into the snow. Mario gets out and pulls the sack off of Luigi, whose body is covered in snow except for his eyes. Koopa then walks to the top of a hill and looks around. Mario and Co run after Koopa, but Koopa uses Santa as a sled and slides down the other side and across a frozen lake.)

Luigi: I, I don't know about this, Mario! That could be thin ice!

Toad: If it'll hold Koopa and Santa, it must be a hundred feet thick!

(Mario and Co slide down the hill, fly off a cliff, land on the ice, go sliding across it, and crash.)

Koopa: You think those spaghetti heads are gonna rescue you? Forget it! I got friends in this neck of the woods! Koopa Flurry Pack, attack!

(Several Flurries skate out onto the ice.)

Mario: I should've known Koopa Klaus would send his Flurries to fight us!

(One of the Flurries cuts a block out of the ice with his skates and kicks it over to Mario and Co, who jump over it.)

Princess: We have to get past those Flurries!

Mario: Let's fight fire with fire!

(The Marios and Toad start to push the block towards the Flurries.)

Luigi: You mean fight ice with ice!

(The Marios and Toad are riding on the block, which slides over to the Flurries and knocks them aside like bowling pins. The Marios and Toad then cheer.)

Koopa: Those drain brains have defeated my Flurries!

(Koopa drags Santa into a cave and screams. Mario and Co run up to the cave.)

Princess: We've gotta go in after him!

Luigi: Looks pretty dark in there to me!

Princess: The whole world will look pretty dark without Christmas!

Toad: Yeah! What's Christmas without presents? Aaaand Santa?

(The four of them run into the cave and slide through it. They come out the other end, fly off a cliff, and land in some snow. Koopa and Santa are on the cliff.)

Koopa: Alright, no more Mr. Nice Koopa! I got the jolly man, see? One false move and he goes over the cliff!)

(Directly below the cliff is water, along with some pointy icebergs sticking out.)

Koopa: And I got a feeling it won't be a happy landing, see?

Princess: I can't believe you would do that, Koopa! Doesn't Christmas mean anything to you?

Koopa: Christmas? Christmas is a ba humkoop! A BA HUMKOOP! (yelling) A BA HUMKOOOOP!

(Koopa's yelling starts an avalanche.)

Koopa: Avalanche!

Luigi: We've gotta get back in the cave, Mario!

Mario: You take the princess and Toad! I'm gonna save Santa with my plumber's snake!

(Luigi, Princess, and Toad run off. Mario pulls out his plumber's snake, lassos Santa with it, and pulls him off the cliff.)

Koopa: Wait a minute! What about me?

(Mario unties Santa and smiles at Koopa.)

Koopa: Oh no, not me! I'm not jumpin' into that ice bath!

(Koopa screams as more snow falls from the avalanche, and he jumps off the cliff into the water. Koopa swims to an iceberg and climbs out.)

Koopa: I didn't get to ruin Christmas! The Mario Bros. beat me again, and I'm floating away on an iceberg! What else can go wrong?

(Koopa hears some roaring. He turns around and shouts when he sees a polar bear on the same iceberg as himself. Cut to the village. Mario and Co are there with Santa.)

Santa: Ho ho ho ho! I want to thank all of you for saving me from Koopa Klaus!

Princess: I wonder how long it'll be 'til the workshop thaws out?

Santa: Not in time for me to make my deliveries, that's for sure. There will be no Christmas this year.

(Toad runs off and returns on his snowboard.)

Toad: Don't feel bad, Santa! At least I got my present!

Santa: It's, it's very nice, Toad.

(Santa walks off.)

Toad: What's wrong with Santa?

Princess: You got your present, Toad. But no one else is going to get theirs! Santa's toys are frozen!

(Toad presents Santa with his snowboard.)

Toad: Here, Santa. Take my snowboard. At least you'll have one present you can give!

(Santa picks up Toad.)

Santa: Toad, in all my life, I've never seen anyone express the true Spirit of Christmas better than you!

(Santa starts to cry, and Toad tries to wipe away the tears with his beard.)

Toad: Don't cry, Santa! Please!

Santa: I'm just so happy!

(A blue aura glows around Toad and Santa.)

Princess: Look! The Spirit of Christmas Giving is touching everything!

Santa: Toad, your unselfish act fills me with the warm spirit of Christmas!

Mario: And it melts Koopa's ice!

(The ice covering the village melts, thawing out the buildings and everyone there. The assembly line in the workshop starts up again.)

Mario: It's going to be a merry Christmas after all!

(Cut to the top of Santa's castle at night. The song "Jingle Bell Rock" starts up again. Santa is loading presents onto his sleigh as Mario and Co walk up to him.)

Toad: We made it, Santa!

Santa: Thanks to you, Toad!

(Santa gets into the sleigh.)

Santa: Ho ho ho! I'd like to give all of you a special present! How about coming with me to deliver the presents?

Toad: Ya mean it, Santa?

Santa: Ho ho ho ho! Sure I do! And you can ride up front with me, Toad!

(Santa picks up Toad and places him next to himself. Later the sleigh takes off, with the Marios and Princess riding in the back on top of the sacks of presents.)

Santa: Mario Christmas to all! And to all a good night! Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Live-Action: Little Marios

Submitted by Super Goomba

(We see the Marios are eating breakfast with a kid, Brian Bonsall.)

Brian: Thanks for the pizza, guys. I hate to run away on an empty stomach.

Luigi: Mm.

Mario:  Y'know Brian, no matter how bad things are, you don't wanna run away. Trust me on this.

Brian: Sorry guys. I made up my mind. I'll teach my parents to appreciate me.

Mario: Brian, you may not believe this, but when Luigi and I were kids, I ran away from home.

Brian: Really?

Luigi: Yeah, so right!

Mario: Why, I remember, it was like yesterday...

(Cue Flashback)

(We see a younger Mario and Luigi... sorta. They still look like adults, but without mustaches. However, they do have propeller caps and shorter overalls. They appear to be racing.)

Young Mario: Ha ha! I beat you! I beat you! I beat you!

Young Luigi: There's no, there's no stinkin' poopyhead you, you big ol'-

Mama (only her arm is showing behind the door): Boys! How many times do I have to tell you not to fight? Mario, since you're the oldest, you should know better! You're grounded!

(Young Luigi points and laughs.)

Young Mario: Mama! You already got me five times this week!

Mama: Oh, then, go peel the garlic for the next five days!

Young Mario: Oh, Mama no, not the garlic! It makes me smell so bad, even I don't wanna play with me!

(Mama leaves.)

Young Mario: I- uh HA! HA! There she goes, she's punishing me again! You always get me punished! I'll tell what I'm gonna do!

Young Luigi: (still pointing and laughing) What?

Young Mario: I'm gonna run away from home!

(Mario begins picking up his things and running away.)

Young Luigi: Ok, so who cares? Who cares? Nya, nya, nya-nya, nya! Who cares?

(He kicks a stuffed animal.)

Later...

Young Mario: I'm so scared, maybe I shouldn't have run away from home! I know! I'll do what I do when I'm scared! Watch these scenes from the next Legend of Zelda!

(A commercial for the next Zelda starts.)

Zelda: This is the Triforce of Wisdom, Link! The evil wizard Ganon has the Triforce of Power.

Ganon: Hoo-hooHAHAAAA!

Zelda: Whoever gets both Triforces will rule this land forever! You must help me, Link!

Link: Hey, for you Zelda, anything!

Clang!

Zelda: That one’s got a bomb!

Link: I'm on it, Princess!

BOOOOM!

Link: Yahhh!

Zelda: Link!

Link: Farewell Princess! Oof!

Zelda: Nothing doing, buster!

Link: Ugh!

Zelda: You've still got work to do!

Ganon: OOOoowaoh! So Link and Zelda are headed for the black falls, huh? HenhahahahaHA! They'll certainly find a surprise there! AHAhaheeheehaha!

Zelda: Hurry up! Go after them!

Link (hanging from window by feet) Urf! Urf! Hey! Exuuuuuuse me, Princess! I'm kinda hung up here, ok!

Logo: This Friday! The Legend of Zelda!

(Back at Mario Bros. Plumbing, not in flashback.)

Brian: Boy, it must've been fun out on your own!

Mario: Oh no! And little did I know, the hearts of my poor family were breaking!

Luigi: Oh, yeah, we were missing you all right...

(Cue Flashback)

(We see Luigi and Mama are eating popcorn, yet we never see Mama's face.)

Young Luigi: Ah... It's good to finish popcorn all right. When it's begging time, I go hold onto myself, I go "Mommy, you're the bestest Mama in the whole world, I love ya!" Ooh, ooh.

Mama: Yeah, without your brother here, there's a lot more for us!

Young Luigi: Sure! Hehehe!

(The door opens and Mario runs in.)

Young Mario: Mama! I'm sorry I ran away from home! You're probably worried sick!

Mama: About WHAT?!

Young Mario: Mama, didn't you miss me?

Mama: No! I don't miss your yelling! I didn't-a miss your fighting with your brother! And I didn't miss your room-a the mess! But you, I miss!

Young Mario: Oh, Mama!

(He gets hit by her purse.)

Young Mario: What was that for, Mommy?

Mama: Just in case!

(She pinches Mario on the cheek.)

(End Flashback)

Mario: Boy, I remember it like it was yesterday!

Brian: Mario, that story was so beautiful, I'm ready to barf!

Mario: Yeah, but haven't ya learned a lesson, Brian?

Brian: Huh? I shouldn't run away, because my parents would enjoy it too much.

Mario: That's right! Hehehe! Brian!

Brian: I better hurry, long before the popcorn’s gone!

Mario: Ok Brian! Good luck!

Luigi: Oh, thanks a lot! Thanks for visiting!

Brian: Bye!

Mario: Take care, Brian!

Luigi: Hope there's not too much trouble there!

Mario: Watch the cars!

Both: Hehehehe! Hehehehoho!

Mario: Nice kid!

Luigi: Really, really great kid! Boy, did we enjoy it when you ran away!

Mario: Oh!

Luigi: Ohoho!

Mario: Sure!

(Luigi sticks a plastic plate in Mario's face.)

Both: Ahaha!

Mario: My brother, the nice guy!

Luigi: I'm sure!

Mario: Y'know, won't beat you, with a pizza!

Mario, Luigi, and Brian: Do the Mario!

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