The Koopas Are Coming! The Koopas Are Coming!

Submitted by Hip

(The episode opens to a snowy, Colonial America-like setting. Tents have been set up all over the place.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 1776. We arrived in the Thirteen Mushroom Colonies at the urgent request of the great General George Washingtoad, and went straight to his headquarters in the icy Valley Forge.

(Inside one of the tents, Mario, Princess, and Toad are with a Mushroom person who resembles George Washington. Luigi is trying to keep warm next to a pot-bellied stove.)

Washingtoad: I cannot tell a lie! Things are terrible here!

Luigi: Yeah! It's freezin' cold and your stove needs more wood!

Washingtoad: We are fighting to save our new nation and bring freedom to all Mushrooms!

Princess: Freedom for all Mushrooms! I like that!

(Koopa, who's dressed like a Redcoat, is standing at the entrance to the tent.)

Koopa: And I won't stand for it! It's revolting!

Washingtoad: It's Redcoat Koopa! Leader of the Koopish Army!

Koopa: You might as well surrender, Washingtoad! You don't have a chance!

(Toad picks up a piece of firewood.)

Toad: Get movin', Redcoat! We have not yet begun to fight!

Koopa: Well I have!

(Koopa pulls Toad's hat down, covering his face.)

Koopa: Flurry, ya stupid snowball! Give me my ice scepter!

(A Flurry, who's also dressed like a Redcoat, runs in with a scepter. He accidentally pokes Koopa with it, causing him to leap into the air.)

Flurry: Oops.

(Koopa lands on his back with a thud, grabs his scepter from the Flurry, and gets up.)

Koopa: Now chill out, sapper stuffing!

(Koopa zaps Toad with his scepter, encasing him in a block of ice. Mario and Princess gasp.)

Mario: You turn my friend into an ice cube; I'm gonna defrost your head!

(Koopa zaps Mario, and freezes him too.)

Luigi: Sizzlin' salami! Mario and Toad have been deepfreezed!

Washingtoad: Unfreeze them, Redcoat! Before I call my army!

(Koopa walks over to the entrance and pulls it open.)

Koopa: Army? What army?

(Koopa points outside and shows the others two Mushroom soldiers who are also frozen in blocks of ice.)

Koopa: You mean those idiotic ice blocks?

Princess: You're wicked and defrayed, Koopa!

Luigi: Yeah! When our soldiers thaw out, we're gonna throw your tea in the harbor!

Koopa: Silly plumber! By the time Washingtoad's army thaws out, MY army will have crushed the Mushroom Rebellion! So be cool!

(Koopa zaps Luigi, Princess, and Washingtoad, freezing them as well. Koopa then laughs and leaves. Mario tries to wobble around while inside his ice block.)

Mario: I can't break Koopa's icy spell! I can't even walk! But I can jump!

(Mario bounces over to the stove and jumps on top of it. The ice then starts to melt.)

Mario: It's working! The heat from the stove is melting the ice!

(Mario bursts out of the melted ice and jumps down from the stove. He then dances around a bit as the heat from the stove overheated his feet.)

Mario: Ow, ow, ow! Hot, hot, hot!

(Mario jumps into a pail of water to cool his feet.)

Mario: Phew! Free at last! Now to unfreeze my fellow revolutionaries!

(Mario walks over to the others. After a few attempts, Mario manages to pick up Luigi, but is having trouble holding him.)

Mario: Whoops! When Luigi's unfrozen, he's goin' on a diet!

(Mario carries Luigi over to the stove while walking backwards.)

Luigi: Diet? I heard that! I'm not the one who needs to diet!

(Mario trips on a frozen puddle, causing Luigi to go flying.)

Mario: Whoop! Woah!

Luigi: Hey!

Princess: Look out!

Toad: Yikes! The iceman's comin'!

(Luigi hits the ceiling of the tent, and bounces back down.)

Luigi: The iceman is here!

(Luigi hits Princess, Toad, and Washingtoad as he lands, causing part of their blocks to break. With less ice covering them, the heat from their bodies causes the ice to start melting at a much faster rate.)

Luigi: But the General is retreating!

(Washingtoad slides across the floor while still stuck inside his ice block. He slides out of the tent and down through the colony.)

Washingtoad: Help!

(Mario runs out of the tent after Washingtoad.)

Mario: Wait for me, General!

Washingtoad: Get me out of here!

(Mario pulls out a rope with a plunger attached to it. He swings the plunger around and hurls it at the ice block, which it manages to attach itself to. Little does Mario realize, is that the end of the rope isn't attached to anything.)

Mario: Thrown perfect, if I say so myself!

(After staring at Washingtoad for a moment, Mario realizes that the rope isn't attached to anything.)

Mario: Mama-

(The end of the rope gets caught on Mario's leg, pulling him along behind the block.)

Mario: -mia!

(Mario bumps into a few tree stumps.)

Washingtoad: Yeowch! Look out!

(Up ahead is a snow mound, which Washingtoad's block crashes into. Mario then crashes into the block, breaking it.)

Mario: My aching pasta noodle!

Washingtoad: No time for pain, my boy! History awaits! We've got to hurry and free my army!

(Washingtoad grabs Mario and runs off.)

(Cut to Koopa's nearby colony, where tents have also been set up. A Redcoat Troopa is walking back and forth in front of Koopa's tent. Koopa and the Flurry, who's holding Koopa's hat, come out of the tent.)

Koopa: It's not morning yet? Why isn't it morning?

Flurry: Uh, it's only midnight, exalted leader! Have patience!

Koopa: Patience is for pipsqueaks! Like you!

(Koopa grabs his hat from the Flurry and puts it on.)

Koopa: We attack- now!

Flurry: In the dark?

(Koopa takes two steps and trips on his back. His hat is now covering his face, but the Flurry takes it off.)

Koopa: Dark is a lousy idea, and you shouldn't have had it! We'll wait 'til dawn!

(Cut to Washingtoad's tent. Mario and Co and Washingtoad are now all thawed out, but the Mushroom soldiers are still frozen. Princess is holding a Fire Flower.)

Princess: Fire Flower for Fire Power, Mario!

(Princess hands Mario the Fire Flower, causing him to power up to Super Mario. Mario produces a fireball, which flies out of his hand, as if it has a mind of its own.)

Mario: Come back here, fireball!

(The fireball flies over to Luigi, who catches it.)

Luigi: I got it, Mario!

(The fireball flies out of Luigi's hands.)

Luigi: I had it.

(The fireball flies into Princess' hands.)

Princess: You're a nice little fellow!

(The fireball flies out of Princess' hands.)

Princess: Do your stuff!

(The fireball flies over to one of the frozen soldiers, and melts the block of ice.)

Mario: It's gonna take hours to unfreeze all your army, General Washingtoad!

Washingtoad: And Redcoat Koopa attacks at dawn! Someone must warn the citizen Mushrooms!

(Mario and Washingtoad look over to Toad, who's standing next to a horse.)

Toad: And that someone can ride this nag!

Mario: Luigi, it's up to you! I gotta stay and defrost General Washingtoad's army!

Luigi: But I get seasick on a horse!

Washingtoad: Are you a patriot or a coward?

Luigi: A cow-

(The horse grabs Luigi with his tail and places him on his saddle. The horse rears, neighs, and runs off.)

Luigi: Holy ravioli!

(Luigi and the horse pass by a house, where two old Mushroom people are sitting on the porch.)

Luigi: The Koopas are coming! The Koopas are coming! The Koopas are coming!

(Several Beezos fly over to Luigi.)

Luigi: Leapin' lasagna! The Beezos are comin'!

(One of the Beezos nearly knocks Luigi off of the horse. Luigi tries to regain his balance, and ends up laying on his stomach while on the saddle.)

Luigi: Thanks! Whew! I'm glad one of us has some horse sense!

(The Beezos fly back towards Luigi.)

Luigi: Over this way! We'll lose the Beezos in the woods!

(The horse moves out of the Beezos' path.)

Luigi: Buzz off, Beezos!

(The horse passes under a tree branch, but Luigi hits it and is flung back to the Beezos, who catch him. The horse stops and turns around.)

Luigi: Ow! Let me go, Beezos! Help! Oh no! Now I'm a prisoner and the Koopish Army can attack without warnin'!

(The Beezos fly off with Luigi. Cut to Washingtoad's colony. Mario is shooting fireballs at a frozen soldier.)

Mario: Thawing frozen soldiers is tougher than thawing frozen pipes!

Toad: It's almost dawn! Redcoat Koopa's gonna attack, and Luigi's not back!

Princess: *points* Here comes Luigi's horse!

(The horse walks up to Mario.)

Mario: But where's Luigi?

(Washingtoad spots a note on the horse's saddle, removes it, and reads it.)

Washingtoad: General Redcoat Koopa has captured your brother. He demands our immediate surrender, or else!

(Mario gets on the horse.)

Mario: We gotta attack Koopa NOW!

Washingtoad: Hmm. You've only unfrozen a few of my minutemen Mushroom soldiers. We're hopelessly outnumbered!

(An overhead view of the colony, which is by a river, is shown. Mario appears onscreen in a bubble.)

Mario: Unless-

Princess: Unless?

(A dotted line leading from Washingtoad's colony, which goes across the river to a hill by Koopa's colony, is shown. Mario points to the dotted line.)

Mario: Unless we surprise Redcoat Koopa and attack from behind!

(Washingtoad appears in a bubble onscreen.)

Washingtoad: That means crossing the Delawide River!

(Princess appears in a bubble.)

Princess: It's never been done in the winter!

(The overhead view ends and goes back to normal.)

Mario: We're gonna do it! For liberty and freedom! For the Thirteen Mushroom Colonies! For Luigi!

(Cut to Koopa's colony, where Luigi has been placed in a pillory.)

Koopa: You've fixed your last faucet, ya revolutionary pipesqueak!

Luigi: Oh yeah? Just you wait until Mario gets here with General Washingtoad!

Koopa: Your brother Mario is goin' down the drain for good, and so are the Thirteen Colonies!

(Koopa turns his head back to the Flurry and a battalion of large Redcoat Troopas.)

Koopa: Is my Redcoat army ready?

Flurry: All ready in front, exalted one! But what if General Washingtoad sneaks up from behind?

Koopa: Behind? Fool! The Delawide River is behind us! No one can cross the Delawide in this weather!

(Cut to the middle of the river, which is full of ice chunks. Mario, who is no longer Super, Princess, Toad, Washingtoad, the horse, and two Mushroom soldiers are rowing across in a tub.)

Washingtoad: Land ahead, row harder!

(The tub crashes into a mess of ice blocks.)

Mario: Sorry, General Washingtoad! We're stuck in the ice! Anybody got any ideas?

Toad: Yeah! We'll let George do it!

(Toad pulls out a gold coin.)

Toad: Here, General Washingtoad! Here's a gold coin!

(Toad gives Washingtoad the coin.)

Washingtoad: What's this for?

Toad: Throw it across the river, General!

(Washingtoad throws the coin over to the other side of the river, and into Koopa's colony.)

Toad: First guy who gets to that gold coin gets to keep it!

(Everyone but Washingtoad starts paddling as fast as they can. Even the horse picks up a paddle and joins in. Cut to Koopa's colony. Koopa walks up to the Troopas.)

Koopa: You call yourself an army, you miserable misfits? WHY AM I CURSED WITH SUCH INCOMPETANTS?!

Flurry: Uh, I don't know, magnificent mentor! Why?

(The gold coin that Washingtoad threw hits Koopa on his snout.)

Koopa: Ouch! Hey? Who threw that gold coin?

Flurry: *points* Maybe it was one of them!

(Koopa turns around and jumps when he sees Mario and the others standing on the hill.)

Koopa: General Washingtoad!

Washingtoad: At your service, scoundrel!

(Washingtoad removes his sword from his scabbard.)

Washingtoad: Give us Koopa, or give us death!

(The two Mushroom soliders push the tub down the hill, with Mario and Washingtoad riding in it. Koopa and the Flurry run off. The song "He's a Rebel" starts up.)

Koopa: Redcoated Koopa Troopas! Stop those Mushrooms!

(The tub runs over several Troopas. It then crashes into the pillory, which causes it to break and sends Luigi flying. Luigi then lands on two Troopas. Koopa kicks aside two other Troopas and uses a cannon to launch a Bob-omb into the air. Mario pulls out a U-shaped pipe. The Bob-omb flies through one end, comes out the other, lands in Koopa's cannon, and blows up. Koopa screams. Princess, Toad, and the two Mushroom soldiers ski down the hill, avoiding Bob-ombs. Mario and Washingtoad crash through a tent, dragging some Troopas with them. The tub comes to a stop and Mario gets out. Mario reaches into a patch of grass and pulls out a Fire Flower.)

Mario: Hey!

(The song ends. Mario uses the Fire Flower to power up to Super Mario. Three Troopas run over to Princess and Toad, but Mario shoots a fireball at a nearby snow bank. It melts and shoves the Troopas aside. The Flurry hands Koopa his ice scepter, but a fireball hits Koopa's claws, causing the scepter to go flying.)

Koopa: My ice scepter! Flurry! Get it quick!

Mario: *points* Quick, Luigi! The scepter!

Luigi: No problem, Mario!

(Luigi runs off and leaps into the air.)

Luigi: Leapin' lasagna!

(Luigi and the Flurry reach the scepter at the same time and start fighting over it.)

Flurry: Let go! Hey!

Luigi: Let me have it, ya little snowball!

(The Flurry pulls the scepter away from Luigi and hits him on the head with it. The two of them then start beating each other up in the snow. Luigi rises out of the snow, holding up the scepter.)

Luigi: I got it, Mario! I got it!

(Koopa runs over to Luigi.)

Koopa: Not for long, ya faucet freak!

(Washingtoad runs over to Luigi as well.)

Washingtoad: Divided we stand! Together we fall!

(Washingtoad tackles Koopa, knocking him into the snow.)

Luigi: Mario! Catch!

(Luigi tosses the scepter into the air and Mario catches it.)

Mario: Pasta power, do your stuff!

(Mario uses the scepter to freeze all of the Koopas.)

Mario: That's one cold Koopa!

(Cut to Washingtoad's colony, where all of the soldiers have been thawed out. Washingtoad is reading from a scroll.)

Washingtoad: As father of a-a-a-A-CHOO!

(Washingtoad blows his nose and the soldiers shudder.)

Princess: Are you feeling okay?

Washingtoad: Just a little cold!

Princess: Could you be more specific, General?

Washingtoad: It's a constitutional thing.

(Princess groans, as do most of the other soldiers. One of them laughs, but the others frown at him, so he blushes.)

Washingtoad: As father of the Thirteen Mushroom Colonies, I proclaim Mario and Luigi official uncles of our country! But where are they?

(The Marios and Toad walk in front of the soldiers, playing instruments. Mario is playing a flute, Luigi is playing a trumpet, and Toad is playing a drum.)

The End

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