The Trojan Koopa

Submitted by Hip

(The episode opens to a rough and stormy sea, where the Marios and Toad are riding the waves in a bathtub.)

Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, Number 4-4-9. We were on a royal rescue mission. Princess Toadstool had been kidnapped by Koopa and taken to his island fortress.

Toad: *pointing* Land ho, dudes! The island of Koopos is dead ahead!

(In the distance, a small tropical island can be seen.)

Luigi: Aw, Toad! Didja hafta say "dead"?

Mario: Don't get your valves out of joint, Luigi! Everything's goin' according to plan!

(The Marios and Toad shout as the waves carry them over towards the island. Later, after the storm clouds have cleared up, the tub is washed ashore on the beach of the island. The Marios and Toad, who are underneath the upside-down turned tub, lift it up, hold it over their heads and walk away from the shore.)

Luigi: Mario, I hate this plan!

(On the other side of the island is Koopa's fortress, which is basically a tower surrounded by a tall brick wall. Koopa and a pair of Hammer Bros. are at the top of the tower. One of the Hammer Bros. is looking down through a telescope.)

Hammer Bro. 1: Hey, get a load of that! It looks like, like a bathtub with six legs!

(Through the telescope, the bathtub can be seen making its way towards the tower.)

Koopa: You Hammer Bros. make lousy lookouts! Gimme that!

(Koopa grabs the telescope and looks through it. He sees the Marios and Toad as they toss the bathtub aside.

Koopa: It's those dumber plumbers, the Mario Bros! So, those pipe dreamers think they can rescue their precious princess? Hah!

Princess (offscreen): The Mario Bros. will save me! And they'll wipe that reptile smile right off your rotten face!

(Princess, who is attached to a ball and chain, is standing on the other side of the tower.)

Koopa: Wrong, Princess Toadstooge! This fortress is plumberproof! You're stuck up here forever!

(The Hammer Bros. shake their hammers at Princess, and she gasps.)

Koopa: Besides, I've got an unwelcoming committee just waiting for those pasta-chomping chumps! *laugh*

(Cut to outside the brick wall, where the Marios and Toad are standing.)

Mario: See, fellas? Here's King Koopa's fortress! No problicimo!

Luigi: Make that big problicimo! Look, it's the Hammer Bros!

(Luigi points to the Hammer Bros. at the top of the tower.)

Hammer Bro. 1: That's right! So you good guy geeks might as well just quit! Now!

Mario: You hammerheads don't scare us!

Luigi: Speak for yourself, Mario!

(The Hammer Bros. each throw a hammer at the Marios and Toad.)

Toad: Let's get outta here before those hammers nail us!

(The Marios and Toad run off behind some bushes.)

Luigi: *gulp* Mega misery, Mario! We'll never get past that wall!

Mario: Luigi! Where there's a wall, there's a way!

(Later, Luigi and Toad each tie a plunger around Mario's legs, to act as makeshift suction cups. Mario slowly starts to walk up the wall, and proceeds to walk normally as he gets used to the feel of the plungers. Inside the wall, Hammer Bro. 2 is wearing a stethoscope and is holding the other end against the wall. When he hears the sound of Mario's plungers approaching, he signals to Hammer Bro. 1. The Hammer Bros. start hitting the block of the wall that Mario's attached to with their hammers, slowly forcing it out of the wall. Soon the block comes all the way out of the wall and falls, bringing Mario with it, as it crashes through the ground, creating a hole.)

Mario: There's more than one way to get inside Koopa's fort!

(Mario climbs out of the hole, with small pieces of the block attached to his plungers. Later, the Marios and Toad have moved away from the wall. Luigi is holding a pole.)

Mario: All you gotta do, is get over that wall!

Luigi: Then let you guys in the fort, and we rescue the princess! I can do it. I can do it.

(Luigi runs over to the fort and sticks the pole into the ground next to the wall as he begins to vault over it. A block next to where the pole is slides open and Hammer Bro. 2 breaks the pole with his hammer. Luigi fails to reach the top and slides down the pole.)

Luigi: I can't do it.

(Later, a giant slingshot, which was made from part of a tree and Luigi's overalls, has been set up. Toad, who's now wearing a helmet, is being pulled back in the slingshot by Mario.)

Mario: Five, four, three, two, one, blast off!

(Mario lets go and Toad is launched into the air. Toad flies over the wall, as well as the Hammer Bros, and grabs onto the edge of the tower.)

Princess: Wow!

(Princess tries to walk over to Toad, but her ball and chain is holding her back.)

Princess: Toad! I knew you guys would save me!

Toad: We're gonna bust ya outta this joint!

Koopa: Sorry, Mushrunt! Visiting hours are over! *laugh*

(Koopa smacks Toad, who falls down and lands on the awning over the entrance to the tower. From there, he is bounced back over the wall.)

Mario: I knew we'd find a way in there!

Luigi: *points* Look out! Here comes an unidentified flyin' fungus!

(Toad screams as he goes crashing into the Marios.)

Toad: Fellas, Koopa's fort is impregnable!

Luigi: Yeah. And we can't get in there either.

(Cut to the tower.)

Koopa: *laugh* You'll never free your kingdom now!

Princess: Yes I will! My friends will never give up!

Koopa: That's why I've organized a little plumber-pounding party! Right boys?

(The Hammer Bros. laugh. Meanwhile, the Marios and Toad are sitting by a fire pit away from the fortress.)

Toad: Some Mushroom Retainer I turned out to be! I was so close! But I couldn't save her!

Mario: I hate to admit that a plumber can be washed up. But we're in trouble!

(A hammer flies past Mario, while another flies past Luigi.)

Luigi: Huh? Make that double trouble!

(The Hammer Bros. jump out from behind the bushes.)

Hammer Bro. 2: We got a score to settle, sink wimps!

Hammer Bro. 1: Yeah, it's plumber pummelin' time!

Hammer Bro. 2: I'll finish off these scum bums!

Hammer Bro. 1: Says you! This is a job for an executin' expert! Me!

Mario and Luigi: Patty cake! Patty cake! Pasta man! Give me pasta power as fast as you can!

(The Marios do their little routine and Mario jumps over to the space in between the Hammer Bros. He then jumps into the air as the Hammer Bros. attempt to hit him with their hammers. As a result, the Hammer Bros. hit each other's heads and fall down. Mario then lands on their heads and hops back to Luigi and Toad.)

Toad: That takes care of those jerk hammers!

(The Marios give each other five.)

Luigi: But we still gotta get in Koopa's fort and save the princess!

Mario: I have an idea that just might work! And these bad guy brothers are just what we need to throw Koopa off guard!

Luigi: Throw 'em off guard? For what?

Mario: For the second part of my plan! What's Koopa love more than anything?

Toad: Himself!

Mario: Right! And we're gonna build the one thing that Koopa will let inside those gates!

(Cut to the tower, where Koopa is looking through the telescope.)

Koopa: This is Kooparific! Those meddlin' Marios have packed in their pasta and shipped out!

Princess: The Marios would never just give up!

Koopa: Oh yeah? See for yourself!

(Koopa hands Princess the telescope. When she looks through it, she sees the bathtub drifting away from the island and gasps. Cut to a close-up shot of the tub, which shows that the Hammer Bros, who are now tied up, are in the tub with a Toad dummy. Hammer Bro. 1 has been dressed up in overalls and a hat like Luigi's, as well as a fake moustache. Hammer Bro. 2 is dressed like Mario.)

Hammer Bro. 1: This is humiliating! Tricked, trapped, and-

Hammer Bro. 2: Dressed up like plumbers!

(Cut to the tower.)

Princess: I can't believe it! The Marios and Toad wouldn't just leave me like this! Would they?

(Princess starts to cry.)

Koopa: Lemme take one last look at those lasagna lovin' losers!

(Koopa grabs the telescope and looks at the tub. He then looks down at the island and sees a statue of himself, made out of wood and metal, on a cart.)

Koopa: It's- it's- it's horrible! It's disgusting! It's me!

(Koopa goes down the tower and runs out through the entrance.)

Koopa: It's a monument to my monstrosity! Shy Guys! Open the gates and bring it in!

(Two Shy Guys open the gates, while three other Shy Guys wheel in the statue.)

Koopa: It's Kooptacular! My rotten reputation is finally getting the tribute I deserve!

(A shot from inside the statue shows that the Marios and Toad are riding inside. Toad is looking through a peephole, which is disguised as the left eye of the statue.)

Toad: We're inside Koopa's fortress! This wooden statue scam worked! I gotta hand it to ya guys! You're pretty good carpenters for plumbers!

Luigi: Yeah, but I hate bein' cooped up in a Koopa!

Mario: And the best part of it is, Koopa thinks we're out there on that boat!

(Cut to the tub.)

Hammer Bro. 1: Help me turn this thing around so we can get back to King Koopa's fort!

Hammer Bro. 2: Yeah! We're gonna pulverize those pipesqueaks!

(Hammer Bro. 1 leans against Hammer Bro. 2, who uses his head to paddle back towards the island. Cut to the fortress.)

Koopa: Put it right there!

(The Shy Guys wheel the statue over to one of the walls.)

Koopa: Hmm. No, on second thought, I think it would look better by the tower!

(The Shy Guys turn the statue around.)

Luigi: Leapin' lasagna! Koopa thinks he's an interior decorator!

Mario: We just hafta stay put until dark! And then we bust out of this box and free the princess!

Koopa: Stop! Leave it 'til morning! Then I want to see what it looks like at the top of the tower!

(The Shy Guys sigh and collapse. After several hours elapse, it becomes nighttime, and the Shy Guys are all asleep. The stomach of the statue opens up and the Marios and Toad fall out.)

Toad: Ouch!

Mario: Ouch!

Toad: I feel like one smooshed mushroom! Next time, I upgrade to first class!

Mario: Shh! If we wanna rescue the princess, we can't wake anyone up!

(Suddenly, the gates are being pounded on from outside. The song "I Hear You Knocking" starts up. The Shy Guys wake up. Princess looks down from the tower and smiles when she sees the Marios and Toad. Koopa walks out of the tower and sees them as well. The Hammer Bros, who are no longer in their costumes but are still wearing their fake moustaches, break down one of the doors and enter the fortress, causing the Marios and Toad to shout.)

Luigi: Let's go!

Mario: Hurry! Let's get out of here!

Toad: Hurry!

(The Shy Guys and the Hammer Bros. chase after the Marios and Toad, and run around the tower twice. Koopa gets onto the statue's cart and cheers on his minions. After the Marios and Toad run around the tower a third time, they stop. The song ends. The Shy Guys surround the Marios and Toad from one side, and the Hammer Bros. surround them from the other.)

Luigi: Frantic fresh rotini! This rescue's gone straight down the drain!

Mario: Sure it looks bad now, Luigi! But remember! Every clogged drain has its silver elbow trap!

Princess: Oh no! I wish I could help my friends! I wish I could! I wish I might! Wish upon a falling star- man! Starman! That's it!

(As luck would have it, a Starman falls from the sky. Princess leaps into the air, grabs the Starman, and powers up to Super Princess. Her dress is now blue, white, and red. She then breaks out of the shackle of her ball and chain. Meanwhile, the Hammer Bros. have the Marios pinned up against the tower.)

Koopa: Koopa Pack, attack!

(Princess jumps down from the tower, bounces off of the awning, and lands on the ground.)

Princess: Fear not, my friends! It's Princess T. to the rescue!

Mario: But we're supposed to rescue her!

Toad: Uh, I don't think this is the time for technicalities!

Hammer Bro. 2: Prepare to be slammerized!

(The Hammer Bros. toss their hammers at Princess, who simply grabs them with her bare hands.)

Princess: You bully brothers don't bother me!

(Princess hurls the hammers at the beams holding up the awning, causing it to fall on top of the Hammer Bros. The Marios then tie up the awning with the Hammer Bros. stuck inside.)

Princess: Time to say byebye to the Shy Guys!

(The Shy Guys attempt to run off, but Princess stomps on top of all of them. The Marios and Toad cheer.)

Mario: Go, Princess!

Luigi: Victorious vermicelli! We beat the mean and nasties!

(The Marios and Toad walk up to Princess.)

Mario: Thanks to one super duper princess!

Princess: And thanks to some wonderful friends who don't give up!

Toad: Speakin' of givin' up, where's King Ugly Mug?

Koopa: *laugh* Good luck, drain brains! I'm snatchin' your boat! And I'm gonna Koopa sloopa outta here!

(Koopa runs out through the gate.)

Toad: That's the only boat around here!

Princess: How're we gonna get off the island?

Mario: Leave that to me!

(Later, Mario and Co. are riding away from the island on the statue. Princess is now back to normal.)

Mario: It's ugly, but it floats!

(Toad looks through a telescope.)

Toad: Which is more than I can say for the real Koopa! *giggle* Look!

(Toad tosses Mario the telescope, and he looks through it. The tub is leaking, and Koopa is bailing out the water.)

The End

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