Bootleg Koopa

By Hip

(The curtain rises on Grass Land, and the title is shown.)

(Open to an establishing shot of Toad's house. Inside, Toad is setting up a vacuum cleaner.)

Toad: It's about time I got around to vacuuming! This place is so full of du-a-achoo!

(Luigi walks in holding the mail.)

Luigi: I got your mail, Toad! Let's see, bills, bills, bills, Koopa Bazaar, bills.

Mario: Koopa Bazaar?

Luigi: Yeah, it's a flyer for the Koopa Bazaar opening today in the Mushroom Marketplace!

Princess: Koopa's opening a store? This can't be good.

Toad: Yeah, but no one will bother to shop there so he'll close up!

(Toad flips the power switch to ON, but the vacuum cleaner doesn't turn on.)

Toad: Well, maybe we should go, I could use a new vacuum.

(Cut to the Mushroom Marketplace. Koopa, Big Mouth, and Cheatsy are standing in front of a large stall. A large sign above them reads "Koopa Bazaar". Mario and co. walk up to them.)

Mario: Alright, Koopa! What's going on?

Koopa: What's your problem? Can't a guy make an honest gold coin these days without someone jumping to conclusions?

Luigi: Well, how do you plan on doing that?

Big Mouth: Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up and be the first on your block to be a customer at the Koopa Bazaar! We sell all sorts of stuff so come one, come all, and see if we have anything you like! You won't know unless you go, so come on down, we have the best prices in town! Act fast! Supplies are limited!

(A crowd of Mushroomers run up to the bazaar.)

Woman: Did you say the best prices in town?

Cheatsy: That's what he said!

Woman 2: Supplies are limited?

Cheatsy: Uh huh!

Toad: Wait! Do you have a vacuum cleaner, and how much is it?

Princess: Toad!

Big Mouth: It can be yours for the low, low price of twenty-five gold coins!

Man: But I sell vacuum cleaners for fifty gold coins! How can you afford to go so low?

Toad: Really? I'll buy it!

(Toad gives Koopa the money and buys the vacuum cleaner.)

Koopa: Who's next?

Crowd: Me! No me! I was here first!

(Later, Koopa, Cheatsy, and Big Mouth are walking through the Mushroom Kingdom carrying big sacks of gold coins.)

Koopa: Cheatsy, this was such a great plan! Not only did we get these goods for free, but we make money off of them! And since they're poorly made, those poor saps will come back for more!

Big Mouth: And the bbbest part is, those Mario Bros. don't know where we get it all from!

(The Koopas approach a lake. The doomsub rises out of the water and they board it. The doomsub then submerges.)

Koopa: Now for the next step in our disgusting plan!

(The doomsub drives through a warp pipe and comes out the other end in an underwater part of the Real World.)

Cheatsy: What better place to get pirated goods, then from a place that's full of pirates?

Koopa: Hong Kong! A place in the Real World we can call home, thanks to pirates!

(The doomsub drives through a tunnel and surfaces in an underground warehouse.)

Big Mouth: And with this underground warehouse, we can store our goods where nobody will ever, ever find them!

(The three of them laugh.)

Mario: Okay, Toad. Let's put your new vacuum cleaner to the test!

(Toad turns on the vacuum cleaner.)

(The vacuum goes zooming around the house, out of control.)

Toad: AHH! MAKE IT STOP!

Princess: Look out!

(Princess and the Marios jump out of the way, but the vacuum knocks over the couch and coffee table.)

Luigi: That's it, I'll stop it!

(Luigi runs over to the outlet and unplugs the cord. The vacuum finally comes to a stop.)

Princess: Toad, what setting did you set it to?

Toad: Low, I think!

Mario: I knew you shouldn't have bought something from Koopa!

Toad: But it was such a good deal!

(Cut to the Mushroom Marketplace. Mario and co. walk up to the bazaar with the vacuum.)

Koopa: Why, if it isn't my favorite customers! What can I do for you?

Princess: Refund Toad's vacuum cleaner and close up shop!

Cheatsy: Sorry, but we don't give refunds!

Toad: But, you sold me a lousy product!

Koopa: Look, if you don't like it here, we won't force you to shop here!

Toad: Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere!

(Mario and co. walk over to the Mushroom Appliance Store, but see a sign in the window.)

Princess: Going out of business?

Man: I'm afraid so! There's no way I can compete with Koopa's low prices! Everyone buys from him now!

Luigi: Where is Koopa getting all of his stuff? There haven't been any robberies lately!

Mario: I have an idea! Princess, you and Luigi check out Castle Koopa and see if anything unusual is going on there! Toad, you and I will follow the Koopas when they leave the bazaar!

Toad: Okay!

(Cut to the bazaar. The Koopas are walking away carrying sacks of gold coins again.)

Koopa: It's getting late! Let's say we load up the doomsub for tomorrow's shipment and then head home!

(Mario and Toad are hiding behind a white block.)

Mario: The doomsub? This is starting to get peculiar.

(Toad hands Mario a Frog Suit.)

Mario: Good thinking!

(The doomsub rises out of the water and Koopa boards it.)

Koopa: You two can go home now!

Big Mouth: Bye, King Dad!

Cheatsy: See you later!

(The Koopalings run off as the doomsub submerges. Mario and Toad put on their Frog Suits and jump in the water after the doomsub.)

Toad: Where do you think Koopa's going?

Mario: I'm not sure, Luigi knows the warp pipes better than I do, but I think we're about to find out!

(Mario and Toad follow the doomsub through the large warp pipe to Hong Kong.)

Toad: Mario, this is the Real World! But where, exactly?

Mario: I don't know! But never mind that!

(They follow the doomsub through the tunnel to the underground warehouse. Koopa gets off the doomsub and walks up to some Troopas.)

Koopa: Alright, I want you all to load the doomsub, then you can go home for the day!

(Mario and Toad jump out of the water and hide behind some crates, where they take off their Frog Suits. Mario sees Chinese and English writing on a crate. In English, it reads, FROM HONG KONG TO AMERICA. Mario notices that all the crates have this writing on them, though some of them say Canada, U.K, Australia, Germany, or other first world countries.)

Mario: Toad! Koopa's stealing pirated goods from Hong Kong! But where's he getting it from?

Toad: Look, over there! There's some warp pipes!

(Toad points to several warp pipes near the far wall. They run up to them unnoticed and jump in one. It takes them to another warehouse full of export crates.)

Toad: Where are we now?

Mario: This is a real bootleg warehouse in Hong Kong where Koopa's getting all his goods!

Toad: I get it! Koopa must've had his Troopas set up those warp pipes in the warehouses to lead to his private warehouse! Then, he uses the doomsub to transport those goods to the Mushroom Kingdom!

Mario: But, how are we gonna stop him?

Toad: I don't know.

(They jump back into the warp pipe to Koopa's warehouse and hide behind a crate as Koopa walks by.)

Koopa: What was that?

Big Mouth (off screen): King Dad! King Dad!

(Koopa pulls out his wand and uses it to communicate with Big Mouth.)

Koopa: Big Mouth, what is it?

Big Mouth: Luigi and the princess are running rampage through the castle! They're not supposed to be here but they are anyways so they must be up to something because they probably know that we're up to something even though they're not supposed to know about what we're up to-

(Cut to the hallways of Castle Koopa. Luigi and Princess are being chased by Cheatsy, Big Mouth, and some Troopas.)

Princess: This is no good! We've searched the entire castle and have found nothing!

Cheatsy: Stop them!

(A Thwomp falls in front of Luigi and Princess.)

Koopa (through Big Mouth's wand): Wait a minute, where are Mario and Toad?

Big Mouth: I don't know! Maybe they've followed you to Hong Kong!

Princess: Hong Kong?

Koopa (through the wand): Nice going, Big Mouth! They weren't supposed to know!

Luigi: Let's get out of here! I think I know where they might've gone!

(Cut to Koopa's warehouse. The doomsub is still being loaded with supplies. Koopa finds Mario and Toad hiding behind a crate and surprises them.)

Koopa: Well, well, what do we have here?

Mario and Toad: AAAHHH!

Koopa: Get back here!

Hammer Brother: King Koopa! We've finished loading the doomsub!

Koopa: Excellent! I'll go home, while you stay here and deal with fungus head and pasta boy!

(Koopa boards the doomsub, which submerges and drives into the tunnel. Mario and Toad quickly put on their Frog Suits and go after it.)

Sledge Brother: Wait'll Mario sees what we have in store for him!

(The Sledge Brother opens a crate and a Boss Bass jumps out into the water.)

(Mario and Toad are swimming after the doomsub through the tunnel.)

Toad: Mario, the doomsub's too fast for us to reach!

(Mario looks behind them and sees the Boss Bass approaching.)

Mario: Forget the doomsub! There's a Boss Bass on our tail!

(Luigi and Princess, both in Frog Suits, come out of the warp pipe leading to the Mushroom Kingdom.)

Princess: Is this Hong Kong?

Luigi: Hong Kong or not, that's the doomsub!

(The doomsub stops in front of Luigi and Princess.)

Koopa (over the megaphone): Luigi, Princess! Prepare to pay!

Rocky Wrenches pop out of some hatches in the doomsub and throw wrenches at Luigi and Princess. Mario and Toad approach the doomsub.)

Luigi: Boy, are we glad to see you!

(Luigi notices the Boss Bass.)

Luigi: But not him!

(The song "Koopa's Shop" starts.)

Koopa's setting up a shop
He sells almost everything you could want
But buyer beware
Shop there if you dare
It's bootleg central
He gets his goods from Hong Kong
And everything he does is wrong wrong
But his prices are low
And it goes to show
Koopa rips people off
It may seem cheaper at first
But Koopa's stuff is the worst
So shop elsewhere and pay full price
The others charge more, but at least they're nice
Unlike at Koopa's shop, oh yeah
Unlike at Koopa's shop

(During the song, Mario and co. dodge the wrenches and the Boss Bass. The Boss Bass has his mouth open and goes after Luigi, but Luigi dodges a wrench which goes into Boss Bass' mouth, causing him to choke. Mario knocks out a Rocky Wrench and pulls him out of his hatch. Mario goes through the hatch and is followed by Luigi, Princess, and Toad.

(Toad looks around and sees some off the goods lying around not in any boxes.)

Toad: Hey, that's the same kind of vacuum that I bought from Koopa!

Luigi: If only we didn't have to plug it in!

(Mario pulls out a wrench.)

Mario: We won't with a little touching up!

(Luigi pulls out his wrench and they quickly take apart the vacuum. They find a car battery among the goods and hook it up to the vacuum.)

Mario: Okay, Toad! Let her rip!

(Koopa walks in.)

Koopa: I thought I heard something going on in here! I'm gonna Kooperize you myself!

(Toad turns on the vacuum, which goes out of control.

Koopa: Hey! What are you doing?

(The vacuum goes into the cockpit and crashes into the control panel. The doomsub's controls get messed up and it starts to sink. The vacuum continues to wreck more havoc by making holes in the wall and flooding the doomsub.)

Koopa: No! What have you done to my doomsub?

Mario: Just giving you a demonstration of your own fabulous products!

(Mario and co. swim out through a hole.)

(Mario and co. are walking towards Toad's house. Toad is holding a new vacuum.)

Princess: I don't think Koopa's gonna try selling any more junk if he knows what's good for him!

Toad: Yeah, and even though I had to pay fifty gold coins for this vacuum, it was worth it! I'll finally be able to get around to cleaning up my home with it.

(Toad opens the front door and sees the mess that Koopa's vacuum made earlier.)

Toad: Oh, great! Mario! Luigi! Princess! Where are you going? Don't make me clean up this mess by myself! Come back here, guys!

(The curtain falls.)

The End

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