[The title rises on Pipe Land and the
title is shown. The screen cuts to Koopa’s castle where the kids are having
a meeting in the throne room.]
Koopa: I couldn’t sleep last night!
Hip: Those stupid-
Hop: Mario Brothers, huh?
Hip: But I was up all night watching
the all night marathon of Family Matters!
Big Mouth: Why didn’t you tell me?
Kooky: Well, I taped it all so we can
watch it after we pulverize those Marios!
Bully: What are you gonna do, King
Dad?
Kooky: I suggest we just destroy the
Mushroom Kingdom! Let’s act out!
Koopa: Well, you failed as Sneaky Lying
Cheating Giant Ninja Koopas and Biggie Koopas!
Cheatsy: Maybe because you kept trying
to decide what land we were gonna takeover! I wanted to takeover Desert
Land!
Bully: Didn’t we get an Emmy for that
episode?
Big Mouth: I think we did! Oh, I left
it in my room next to a copy of it and I was trying to learn why we were
beaten so badly by those Marios, I wanna rip ‘em, tear ‘em, destroy-
Hip: Big Mouth-
Hop: Shut up!
Kootie Pie: I’ve had some failed attempts
to takeover the world!
Koopa: I gave you Water Land, America,
and Europe! And you want more? Wait- I’ve got it! Cheatsy, Kooky, Bully,
and Kootie Pie, step forward!
Hip: Ninja Koopas-
Hop: Again? What about Big Mouth?
[Koopa pulls a magic wand out which
reads “Koopa Hero”. He zaps the four Koopalings with the wand. Bully now
has a rocky texture. When he turns around, notice his shell changes to
Big Mouth’s shell and back to his own! Kootie Pie is invisible, noted by
pink outlining for the viewers to know where she is. Cheatsy and Kooky
look the same.]
Koopa: I heard about the new jewelry
shop and bank in Pipe Land. They are the biggest in the Mushroom Kingdom!
And you’re gonna bring the goods to me!
Cheatsy: How? We have no special powers.
Your wand is broken! You just burn me up some-
[Cheatsy catches on fire and the carpet
he’s standing on burns up too. He starts
running around like a crazed madman
and even runs into Hip’s room. We hear things
breaking, then two balls fall out into
the throne room and are burning up.]
Cheatsy: I need to chill!
[Cheatsy’s flame goes off.]
Hip: Cheatsy, you'd better replace
those balls or I’m gonna take Grass Land from you!
Cheatsy: If you don’t shut up, watch
as I melt Ice Land and you won’t rule any world!
Hip: I think I’m gonna shut up.
Cheatsy: You'd better! Now, Kooky,
can you reach my “Cheating Power”, “Crime”, and “Jet” magazine that Kootie
Pie took from me?
[Kooky extends his hand and we watch
as he directs it to Kootie Pie’s room and grabs them. His hand returns
with the magazines!]
Kootie Pie: Why you, I oughta-
[She stomps and an electric force field
appears, surrounding her. It almost hits Hip and Hop.]
Hip: If your attacks comes near us-
Hop: One more time…
Bully: Hey? What power did I get? No
power? That’s it!
[Bully goes outside to one of Koopa’s
doomtanks. He picks it up and throws it in a lake. Then, Koopa and his
kids come outside and watch in shock as Bully dives underwater and keeps
punching it until it explodes!]
Koopa: You'd better steal all the part-
Bully: GET US THE DOOMSHIP! Hey, where’s
Kootie Pie?
[Kootie Pie turns her force field on.
It’s a pink shield that is shown right behind Bully, but he doesn’t notice.]
[The scene cuts to a beautiful day in
Grass Land, complete with sunlight and no clouds, where Mario and Co. are
having a feast and look very tired. Mario has four empty plates with some
specks of meatsauce on them. Toad eats his spaghetti. If you look the whole
while at his hat, the spots are blue!]
Mario: Wow! I barely slept last night.
Toad: I heard you laughing all the
while!
Princess: I can’t wait 'til the next
season of Family Matters!
Luigi: Me neither!
Mario: I just want the next season
of spaghetti!
[Toad gets up and then he accidentally
flings his fork up high. It hits a ? Block and a pile of coins rain down
on everyone.]
Toad: Did I do that?
[Everyone laughs, then the doomship
appears.]
Princess: Oh no! It’s King Koopa’s doomship!
Toad: Can’t you just go home and not
bother us?
Koopa: My Kooptacular Four will end
your beating me!
Cheatsy: I’m so excited!
[He jumps, then he moves around, learning
he can fly.]
Toad: When did Cheatsy get a Super
Leaf?
Bully: Shut up, fungus! It’s clobbering
time!
[The Kooptacular Four jump off the
doomship and surround Mario and Co.]
Mario: Wow, Koopa’s dumber than Bully!
There’s only three!
[Kootie Pie runs and uses her force
field to zap Mario.]
Kootie Pie: Stupid, huh? Kooky, get
the princess and give her to daddykins! Mario, if you try to outsmart us,
watch what Kooky can do!
[Kooky stretches his hand to grab the
princess and then redirects it to drop her on the doomship!]
Koopa: Kooptacular job, Kooky!
Cheatsy: Kootie Pie, Bully, Kooky!
Don’t just do what King Dad said, stand there!
[Kootie Pie, Bully, and Kooky look
confused.]
Cheatsy: ROB THAT BANK AND JEWELERY
STORE IN PIPE LAND! NOW!
Kooky: With pleasure, Cheatsy! *laugh*
[Pay attention to the screen and you’ll
note that Bully, Cheatsy, and Kootie Pie’s mouths are all moving when only
Kooky is speaking!]
Bully: Down that pipe!
[Kootie Pie, Kooky, and Bully jump
down it.]
Mario: Cheatsy Koopa, you doublecrossing
pest!
[He then jumps to hit a ? Block to
get a Super Leaf, making him Raccoon Mario.]
Cheatsy: That’s my name, don’t burn
it out!
Mario: I’m gonna make you the sorriest
Koopa who ever set foot in Grass Land!
Cheatsy (in Bully’s voice): Oh yeah?
Since you wanna make me sorry, take this!
[Cheatsy flies up and launches a fireball
at Mario which hits him, causing him to lose his Raccoon power.]
Mario: So you stole a Fire Flower from
Toad, huh? How low are you willing to go?
Cheatsy: Well, I conquered Australia.
I went down under, Stupid Mario!
Koopa: Didn’t that episode get a nomination
for best picture?
Mario: Yeah, for displaying stupid,
ugly, repulsive reptiles! *laugh*
Koopa: That wasn’t called for, and
here’s why!
[Koopa deploys a laser gun from the
doomship and fires. He misses, and when the smoke from the blast clears,
there is a HUGE crater in the ground where it impacted! Mario, Luigi, and
Toad all scream.]
Luigi: I advise you to chill out, or
else!
Cheatsy: This doublecrosser is on fire!
[Cheatsy sets himself on fire to scare
Mario and Co.]
Cheatsy: Or else what, plumb dumb?
Luigi: Um… Let’s see. Just… please-
Free the princess now and I’ll come back next Friday to explain!
[Warp pipe sound.]
Cheatsy: That bad joke burns me up!
[Cheatsy launches a fire blast at Luigi
and misses.]
Koopa: Cheatsy, stay here and charbroil
these plumbers and that fat-head Mushroom! Make a pizza out of ‘em! *laugh*
Toad: Call me that name one more time-
[Cheatsy sets himself on fire with
angry eyes, ready to destroy Toad! He slowly flies upward and gets ready
to divebomb him.]
Toad: I…I… think– this is where I get
an idea.
Mario: What?
Toad: To just… play safe and… shut
up.
Luigi: Good idea. Now it’s time to
go to Pipe Land!
[Cheatsy divebombs and then breathes
a stream of fire at everyone, and they get scared. Then they shiver in
a corner that Cheatsy chased them into.]
Luigi: Maybe… not.
Cheatsy: Sit and shut up, until I make
sure these Mushroomers don’t oppose me!
[A Mushroomer comes out of his house
in a Hammer Suit and tries to bring Cheatsy down. Cheatsy flies in no flames
to catch the Mushroomer as he gets ready to throw another hammer. The Mushroomer
gets scared so much he drops the hammer and then is stripped of his Hammer
Suit and thrown back in his house. We don’t see it but we hear things break
on the inside!]
Cheatsy: Stupid people, ruining my
fun! Now shut up or else I’m destroying your house!
[Cheatsy then sets himself on fire,
then the Mushroomer screams louder than Kootie Pie’s tantrums! He then
runs off back to Mario, Luigi, and Toad, but Toad isn’t there.]
Cheatsy: Oh no! Where’s Toad? I’m gonna-
Let’s go!
Koopa: Do these plumbers stay in the
dungeon with no cable TV?
[Cheatsy flies with the Mario Bros.
and throws them on the doomship.]
Koopa: I guess so. Maybe just the KNN
channel. Cheatsy, go to Pipe Land and rob those buildings!
[The scene cuts to a cloudy day in
Pipe Land, where we see Bully destroying police tanks by throwing them
all over the place. Bully then runs in the jewelry store with Kootie Pie.
Kootie Pie then uses her force field to zap the salesmushroomer, stunning
him. Toad jumps in the sack for the jewelry when the Koopas aren’t looking.
They both load up a sack with a big load of jewelry, then leave with Bully
carrying it.]
Kootie Pie: Like taking candy from
a baby!
Bully: More like throwing a tantrum
to get a fur coat from King Dad!
Kootie Pie: SHUT UP!
[The scene then cuts to Kooky and Cheatsy
at the bank.]
Kooky: Gimme all that money, NOW! NOT
LATER!
Banktellers: Make us, you Ludwig von
Koopa!
[Ten security guards in Hammer Suits
enter from all different directions, using warp pipes, windows, and the
ceiling!]
Guard: You two are under arrest!
Cheatsy: Listen to me, you problem
producing guards! You’ll never see Pipe Land’s money again! I’m all fired
up for this battle!
[He flies up and catches on fire. Then
he shoots a fire blast at the guards.]
Guard: Hit the dirt!
[The guards all duck as the fire hits
them all. They stand back up unharmed! Remember, just like the game, you
are fireproof when you duck while wearing a Hammer Suit.]
Guard: Stupid reptile! It’s hammer
time!
[They throw the hammers in a wildly
harsh manner but Kooky stretches wide. The hammers all rebound off of Kooky
and hit the guards, making them lose their Hammer Suits.]
Kooky: You can’t touch this!
[He laughs, then he and Cheatsy so a
VERY TERRIBLE impression of M.C. Hammer’s dance. Then we hear the audience
booing!]
Cheatsy: GET OUT!
[The guards run out scared and then
we see a fire blast come out of the front door. The guards duck it and
run off.]
Kooky: Now, I’m gonna show you tellers
why I don’t appreciate anybody calling me by that name! You saw what happened
to the security guards. Now we will take all of the money from Pipe Land!
Cheatsy: I propose a toast to the repulsiveness
for everything which the Kooptacular Four stands!
[Cheatsy melts the vault door with
his fire blast and Kooky uses his stretch powers to throw the tellers in
the vault. Cheatsy and Kooky have trouble with the load.]
Kooky: Cheatsy, go find Bully.
Cheatsy: With pleasure, Kooky!
[The scene cuts back to the dungeon
with Mario, Luigi, and Princess watching KNN. The logo looks like the CNN
logo except that the C has been replaced with a K. All we can see on the
channel is a rerun of the robbery that just occurred in Pipe Land.]
Mario: This is terrible!
Princess: This is terrible!
Luigi: This is terrible!
[Koopa and the Kooptacular Four are
outside of the dungeon cell that Mario and Co. are in. The stolen money
and jewelry sacks are there also.]
Koopa: This is better than bad. This
is Australian!
Cheatsy: G’day, mate! This is down
under! My continent! Couldn’t have been better!
Bully: Now can we put these prisoners
six feet down under?
Kootie Pie: How low can we go?
Cheatsy: Hey, let’s rob some more kingdoms!
Where do we start?
Kooky (in Bully’s voice): Water Land!
Kootie Pie: That’s all washed up. We
want big money from a big crime! Let’s do Giant Land!
Cheatsy: We can get some priceless
jewels! They’re in the pyramids! It’s gotta be Desert Land!
Koopa: SHUT UP! I’M THE BIG BAD BOSS!
I’LL MAKE THE ULTIMATE DECISION OF WHAT LAND WE’RE GONNA ROB NEXT!
Mario, Luigi, Princess: You ain’t robbing
ANY land, and you won’t get away with this, you Bowser Koopa!
[Notice Luigi’s mouth wasn’t moving
at all during that line.]
Cheatsy: These prisoners are fired!
[Cheatsy launches a fire blast at the
cell. It melts the bars. Mario, Luigi, and Princess make a getaway from
the Kooptacular Four.
Bully: You idiot!
Koopa: Hey! Stop them!
[The song “Smooth Criminal”, sung by
Michael Jackson, plays when this episode first airs, and can be heard on
a DVD/VHS release of this episode, among others. The song “I’m a Hurricane”
replaces it when this episode is a rerun. During the song, the Kooptacular
Four run and use their attacks to bring the Marios down. Toad jumps out
of the sack with the stolen jewelry and jumps down a warp pipe when no
one is looking. Mario jumps Kooky’s stretch punch and Bully gets absorbed
into Kooky’s fist. Bully then pops out and tries to punch Luigi, but he
misses and breaks the bars off of a dungeon cell. Princess keeps dodging
Cheatsy’s firepower. Luigi notices
Kootie Pie because she tries to hit him with her force field. Princess
jumps down the warp pipe Toad went down and the Mario Bros. follow. The
Kooptacular Four follow when Kooky notices. Everyone is in King Koopa’s
throne room. Kooky stretches to grab Mario, Luigi, and Toad, and then he
throws them into the back wall. The Kooptacular Four surround them all,
laugh, and get their attacks ready to defeat the Marios for good. Bully
picks up King Koopa’s throne for his attack. The song ends.]
Mario: Maybe we can talk this out?
[Toad is then shown with a magic wand
that reads “Koopa Zero”. He zaps the Kooptacular Four with it. When the
light disappears off of the Kooptacular Four, they all go back to normal
and we can see Kootie Pie. Bully drops Koopa’s throne.]
Cheatsy: I’m burning with power!
[He tries to launch a fire blast but
nothing comes out of his mouth.]
Cheatsy: What happened?
Kooky: I’ll stretch my hand and squeeze
the life outta these pests! *laugh*
[He tries to stretch his hand but he
only leans forward and falls over.]
Kooky: Uh oh.
Mario: I’ll get you, Kootie Pie!
Kootie Pie: He can see me?
Bully, Kooky, Cheatsy, Luigi, Princess,
and Mario: We can all see you!
Koopa: What? My throne! My Kooptacular
Four!
Mario: Down the drain, Koopa!
Koopa: I’m sorry!
[Toad throws the magic wand at a ?
Block above Mario and Co. Three Starmen come out and everybody grabs one.
Toad uses one himself.]
Luigi: You and the Lose-tacular Four
will be when we’re through with you!
Princess: Give the stolen loot back
to Pipe Land!
Koopa: Go to the dungeon, it’s there,
I swear!
[Mario and Co. chase the Koopalings
around the throne room, getting ready to give them a royal beating!]
Kooky: Oh no!
Kootie Pie: Let’s koop out of here!
I know when we’re not wanted!
Bully: Help us, Dad!
Cheatsy: My plans are burnt out! I’ll
never get Desert Land!
Koopa: It’s all your fault, you doublecrossing
dodo!
[Koopa uses a magic wand to create
a warp pipe which the Koopalings jump down scared. Then he makes one on
the ceiling so that the stolen loot falls through.]
Koopa: I’d better run away! We’ll be
back for you one day, and when we do, you’ll be the sorriest heroes ever
created!
[He runs off and jumps down a nearby
warp pipe. Now we hear the sounds of helicopters coming to pick up the
stolen goods.]
Princess: This is a lot of loot! You’ll
need some heavy duty material to get this out of here!
Toad: I was much slicker than Cheatsy
Koopa today, huh guys?
Luigi: You sure did the job there and
got us out of yet another jam.
Mario: Pipe Land is back to normal!
We’ll be on the news for sure!
Princess: I’m watching the Milli Vanilli
concert on MBC tonight. Sorry.
Mario: But I flushed the Koopa clogs
out of the Super Mario drainpipe today! It’s Plumbtacular!
[Five seconds pass…]
Luigi: Please don’t have one for the
next show.
Toad: But, the audience loved us! A
Starman is born. But it’s time to close the curtain just like we did on
the Kooptacular Four! Sorry.
Princess: Tune in next week for a great
adventure of, the Mushtacular Four on Super Mario 3!
[The audience applauds! The curtain
falls.]
The End
Go back to the list of episodes.
Go back to Lemmy’s Mario
Cartoons.
Go back to my main
page.
