By Hip
(The curtain rises on Grass Land and the title is shown.)
(Mario and co. are in the Mushroom Kingdom standing near some railroad tracks. Nearby, many Mushroom folk are working on the tracks.)
Luigi: Well, Princess! It looks like your new railroad is almost finished!
Princess: It sure is, Luigi! And with the help of the warp pipes, the line connects to all of the other kingdoms!
Mario: What about Dark Land?
Princess: Of course not! Besides, Koopa would just ruin everything!
Toad: Yeah, we had enough trouble building cars that could accommodate the citizens of Giant Land!
Princess: But it’s worth it! The maiden voyage is scheduled for tomorrow!
(Nearby, Cheatsy pops his head out out of a bush.)
Cheatsy: Oh, so the Mushroom Railroad is almost complete? I better go tell King Dad! He’ll definitely want to have his input on this!
(Cheatsy is engaged in a conversation with Koopa at Castle Koopa. Kootie Pie and Bully are watching.)
Koopa: You mean to tell me that the Mushroom Railroad is almost complete?!
Cheatsy: Yeah, King Dad! The maiden voyage is tomorrow!
Bully: Who cares about some dumb choo-choo train anyways?
Koopa: Princess Toadstool is gonna be on that maiden voyage and this will be our perfect opportunity to stop her!
Kootie Pie: And just how are we supposed to do that?
Koopa: If it’s the maiden voyage then nobody will be familiar with where to go! And I believe that we can use this to our advantage!
Bully: How, King Dad?
Koopa: Follow me!
(Koopa, Bully, Cheatsy, Kootie Pie, and a bunch of Boomerang Brothers are walking towards a pipe in Dark Land.)
Koopa: Heh heh heh heh heh! My plan is gonna be perfect! We’re gonna build a separate track that will lead into this warp pipe, and hijack the train!
(They walk into the warp pipe and come out in Desert Land.)
Koopa: You see that track over there? We’re gonna build a siding that will go into this warp pipe, where we can hold the train and everyone inside as our hostages in Dark Land!
Kootie Pie: Oh, King Dad, I’ve always wanted to go for a train ride!
Koopa: As soon as I’m done with all of this, you can keep the train! Hammer Bros.! Get to work! Build a siding that will lead to Dark Land!
(The next day, Mario and co. and a crowd of Mushroom folk are crowded around the station in the Mushroom Kingdom. Princess is on a podium. There is a train on the tracks, but a sheet is covering it.)
Princess: Ladies and gentlemen! May I be the first, to introduce to you, the Mushroom Express!)
(Some ropes lift up the sheet and the train is revealed. It’s a locomotive with several cars attached to it.)
Princess: I hope everyone has their ticket ready!
Mario: Heh, we’ve got ours!
Princess: Well, come on everybody, we’ve got a maiden voyage to get going to!
(Mario and co., as well as some Mushroom folk, board the train.)
Conductor: All aboard!
(The train starts up and drives out of the station. Mario and co. are sitting in a compartment looking out the window.)
Toad: Wow! Look at the countryside!
Mario: Yeah, I’m really impressed with all of this!
Luigi: Yeah, but I don’t think Koopa will let this whole thing slide!
Princess: Relax! Besides, what would Koopa want with this railroad?
Mario: Who cares? Besides, these complementary muffins are great!
Toad: Hey look, we’re about to enter the warp pipe to Desert Land!
(The train drives through the warp pipe and comes out in Desert Land. It eventually reaches the Desert Land station but it doesn’t stop.)
Mario: Why didn’t we stop?
Princess: This is the maiden voyage! We’re passing by all the other stops on purpose!
(Up ahead, Bully and Kootie Pie are at the siding, using a wand to communicate with Koopa.)
Kootie Pie: I can hear the train blow its whistle! It must be getting closer!
Bully: Ya hear that, King Dad? Get ready!
Koopa: We’re all ready in Dark Land! Did you remember to switch the track onto the siding?
Bully: Uh, I’ll be right back!
Bully runs up to the lever at the start of the siding and begins to pull on it.
Bully: Help me, Kootie Pie!
(Kootie Pie runs up and also helps. The lever gets pulled and the tracks are switched onto the siding just as the train approaches.)
Mario: It’s Kootie Pie and Bully! Look!
Luigi: We don’t have much time to look, we’re heading into the warp pipe to Water Land!
(The train goes through the warp pipe and comes out in Dark Land.)
Princess: Oh no! What happened?
(The train stops and begins to go in reverse.)
Luigi: This just has to be Koopa, I know it!
Koopa: Don’t let them get away!
(A Boom Boom picks up a Bob-omb and throws it onto the track and it blows up, preventing the train from reaching the warp pipe. The doomship drives up to the train.)
Koopa: (in the doomship on a megaphone) Attention Princess Toadstool! If you and everyone onboard your train, wants to get out of this alive, fork over your kingdom! I’m giving you half an our to decide, or I’ll decide for you!
Mario: We’ve gotta get out of here!
(The four of them get out the compartment and enter the caboose.)
Luigi: What will we do after we escape? I doubt we’ll get very far!
Toad: Well, there’s a handcar in here you two could use!
Mario: I guess it’s worth a shot!
(Mario opens the back door and Luigi pushes the handcar onto the track.)
Mario: Now, all we’ve gotta do is lift it across the section that was blown up!
(They pick up the handcar and place it on the track on the other side of the destroyed track.)
Sledge Brother: King Koopa! The Mario Bros. are getting away! Shall I stop them?
Koopa: I’ll go after them myself, thank you very much!
(Mario and Luigi begin to drive back into the warp pipe as the doomship pursues them. They then go down the track through Desert Land.)
Koopa: You can’t get away from me! Rocky Wrenches, bombard those big-boy-bambinos!
(Rocky Wrenches poke their heads out of their hatches and throw their wrenches at the Mario Bros.)
Koopa: You can run but you can’t hide!
(The song “Runaway Train” begins.)
Runaway train
No one’s gonna stop you
Runaway train
No one’s gonna beat you
You think that everything’s fine
But you haven’t reached the end of
the line
It may take a lot of hesitation
But soon you’ll be at the next station
If you think there’s nowhere else to
go
Just keep your eye on the railroad
Runaway train
No one’s gonna stop you
Runaway train
No one’s gonna beat you
Runaway train
No one’s gonna stop you
Runaway train
No one’s gonna beat you
(Through the duration of the song, Mario and Luigi pass through Water Land, Giant Land, and Sky Land. They are currently in Ice Land. The song ends.)
(They stop the handcar as they are both pooped.)
Mario: We can’t stop now, Luigi! Even if we are tired!
Luigi: We aren’t they only ones who are tired, look! The Rocky Wrenches are tired out too! They won’t throw any more wrenches!
Mario: I know what’ll get us going!
(Mario pulls out two muffins.)
Luigi: Good idea, Mario!
(They eat the muffins and wipe the sweat off their heads.)
Mario: Let’s bash some blocks!
(Mario and Luigi bash some blocks and eventually find Super Leaves and gain Raccoon power.)
Mario: Let’s teach Koopa a lesson!
(They fly up to the doomship.)
Koopa: Look, I let you take a break, get back to work!
Rocky Wrench: But it was only for a minute!
Koopa: No excuses! Now finish off those pathetic plumbers!
(Cheatsy looks out the window.)
Cheatsy: Hey, where are they anyway?
Mario: Looking for someone, Bowser Koopa?
Koopa: As a matter of fact, yes!
Luigi: Now!
(They charge the Rocky Wrenches, jump on all them, and dodge their wrenches.)
Cheatsy: I’m outta here!
(Cheatsy jumps out of the doomship and falls into a warp pipe.)
Koopa: You may have stopped the Rocky Wrenches, but I’ve got plenty of tricks up my sleeve, and I don’t even have a shirt!
Luigi: Here’s a trick of our own!
(They hit Koopa with their tails and he goes flying out the window and lands on the track.)
Koopa: OW! That hurt!
(The Mushroom Express approaches.)
Koopa: What? I thought that was stuck in Dark Land!
(The train crashes into Koopa. He goes flying into the horizon.)
Koopa: You’ll pay for this, toilet face!
(Mario and Luigi fly down from the doomship and into the train.)
Mario: How’d you-
Princess: Get the train back on the right track? It was easy!
Toad: Yeah, with the doomship out of the way, we were able to repair the track in five minutes!
Princess: Then we decided to go and look for you guys!
(The Mushroom Express pulls into the Mushroom Kingdom Station. Everyone gets out.)
Princess: I am really sorry about what happened! But I am pleased to announce that it will be a long time before Koopa tries anything like that again! Feel free to ride the Mushroom Express anytime!
Mario: Will they still be serving those complimentary muffins?
Princess: Yes!
Mario: Then count me in!
(The curtain falls.)
The End
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