By Hip
(The curtain rises on the Pipe Maze and the title is shown.)
(At Castle Koopa, we see Koopa, the Koopa Kids, and a bunch of troops crowded around a table. Koopa is at the center of the table planning some sort of strategy with figurines representing everyone. He picks up a figurine of himself and a figurine of Princess.)
Koopa: Now, watch to see what always happens!
(Koopa holds out Princess.)
Koopa: (imitating Peach) Oh, help me! King Koopa is after me!
(Koopa switches to Koopa figurine.)
Koopa: At last, you’re mine!
(Koopa puts down the Princess figurine and picks up a Raccoon Mario and a Raccoon Luigi.)
Koopa: (imitating Mario) Oh no! Let’s stop Koopa! (imitating Luigi) Yeah, we can’t let him win!
(Koopa then has the figurines fight and has Koopa lose.)
Bully: King Dad! Why’d you let the Mario Bros. win? You were in total control!
Koopa: I was just trying to explain what happens! They always win!
Kooky: But Dad! Why do they always beat you?
Koopa: I HAVEN’T A CLUE! I’m way bigger and stronger!
Kooky: It was a rhetorical question, King Dad! They always win because of strategy!
Koopa: Strategy, eh?
Kooky: Yes, so my idea is, use our own strategy!
Koopa: But how?
Kooky: Just give me some time!
(Cut to the doomship flying over the Mushroom Kingdom. Hip and Hop parachute down to the ground near Toad’s house.)
Hip: Hey Mario-
Hop: And Luigi!
Hip and Hop: Bet you can’t catch us!
Luigi: What’s goin’ on?
Hip: We’re gonna steal-
Hop: Some gold coins!
Hip: And you can’t-
Hop: Stop us!
(Hop holds out a bag of gold coins.)
Hop: You get-
Hip: The idea?
(Hip and Hop both run off laughing.)
Mario: Come on Luigi, we gotta stop them!
Luigi: Right with you Mario!
(Hip and Hop jump into a warp pipe.)
Mario: This is too easy!
Luigi: Uh, why would they let us know that they stole coins?
Mario: They’re just being show offs! Now come on!
(They jump into the pipe and end up in Pipe Land.)
Mario: Where’d they go?
Hip: We’re over here!
Luigi: They must be behind that corner!
(They run behind the corner and see nothing.)
Luigi: Where’d they go?
Mario: They seemed to have just disappeared!
(They hear laughter coming from a nearby pipe.)
Luigi: We just heard their echoes! But we can still get them!
(They jump into a pipe and come out in another part of Pipe Land, only to be surrounded by a group of Boomerang Bros.)
Luigi: Quick! Back into the pipe!
Mario: It’s too high up to reach!
Boomerang Brother: It’s showtime!
(The Boomerang Bros. throw their boomerangs at the Marios.)
Mario: Jump Luigi!
(They jump over the Boomerang Bros. and keep running.)
Mario: They’re still hot on our tail! We’ll never lose them!
(Meanwhile, in another part of Pipe Land, we see Koopa and the rest of the Koopa Kids waiting around. Hip and Hop come out of a pipe.)
Hip: We got the Mario Bros.-
Hop: Into the Pipe Maze-
Hip: And lost too!
Kooky: Just as I planned!
Koopa: I’m so glad I thought of this idea!
(Kooky groans.)
Koopa: Now listen, I’ve got my troops spread out throughout Pipe Land, and I want the seven of you to stay together and ambush the Mario Bros. They can’t get out unless they find the right pipe! And this pipe next to us is one of the few exits!
Kootie Pie: But how will we find the Mario Bros.?
Kooky: It won’t be hard, Kootie Pie! We can just use my newest genius invention, the Kooper Dooper Tracker! It’s special radar we can use to help us find the Mario Bros.!
Koopa: Good! Now stop all your blabbermouthing and find those plumbers!
(The seven of them enter a pipe.)
(The Mario Bros. are still running around. They stop to catch their breaths.)
Luigi: I think we lost them!
Mario: Yeah, but there’s a river up ahead!
Luigi: And how will we cross it?
Mario: Let’s bash some blocks!
(They start to bash some blocks and a chest falls out of one. They open it to find a Frog Suit.)
Mario: It’s mine!
(Mario puts on the Frog Suit.)
Luigi: C’mon, lets go!
(Luigi grabs Mario’s hand and they run into the river.)
(Mario pulls Luigi along as he swims through the water. He finds a warp pipe and they enter it to come out in yet another room.)
Luigi: We’re safe!
(They hear a beeping noise getting closer and closer.)
Mario: What’s that sound?
(The beeping noise gets closer.)
Luigi: Mammamia! I don’t know and I don’t care!
(The Koopa Kids walk in.)
Kooky: Success! It works! The Kooper Dooper Tracker really works!
Mario: Oh no! Maybe now that I’ve got a Frog Suit, I can jump high enough to reach a pipe!
Cheatsy: Wanna bet, frog legs?
(Cheatsy zaps Mario with his wand and he loses his Frog Suit.)
Luigi: I’m not afraid of you guys!
Big Mouth: But you will be! You have nowhere to go, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide! You’re trapped, tricked, and troubled! Outnumbered, outmatched, and outwitted!
Kootie Pie: But, uh, we still haven’t caught them officially!
Bully: Watch this!
(Bully uses his wand to make a Chain Chomp appear out of thin air. He wraps himself around the Marios.)
Luigi: Oh no! We’re goners!
(Cut to a room in Pipe Land full of boiling lava. The Koopa Kids and the Mario Bros. are on a ledge up high.)
Cheatsy: Any last requests?
Bully: Forget the stupid requests! Just toss them in!
Chain Chomp: Whatever you say!
(The Chomp unravels the Mario Bros. and starts to whip them off the ledge.)
Hip: What’s taking-
Hop: So long?
Chomp: They’re mighty heavy!
Bully: Allow me!
(Bully zaps the Bros. and they start falling.)
Big Mouth: Those bbbbothersome brothers have grabbed onto a ledge! We were so close! So very very close! But they survived! They can’t survive and they won’t survive!
Kooky: Big Mouth’s got a point! They can’t reach this ledge from down there! They’re stuck! Unless they want to take a hot bath!
Bully: I’ve still got another trick up my sleeve!
(Bully uses his wand to create a Bob-omb and throws it into the lava.)
Bully: Let’s see the mighty Marios get out of this alive!
(The Koopa Kids run out of the room as the Bob-omb explodes and the lava starts to rumble.)
Luigi: Now what are we gonna do?
Mario: The only thing we can do! Bash blocks!
(They start to bash some blocks.)
Luigi: Mario! It isn’t working! They’re all empty!
Mario: It isn’t over until it’s over!
(Mario finds a Super Leaf in one.)
Luigi: It’s mine!
(Luigi touches the leaf to gain Raccoon Power.)
Luigi: Now let’s go!
(The song “Without Gettin’ Burned” from other TAOSMB3 episodes starts up. Luigi picks up Mario and they fly out of the room, avoiding the lava, which explodes and scorches the walls in the room, just missing them. They continue to fly through the maze. A Fire Snake spots them and gives chase. Luigi gives it a whack with his tail and goes through another warp pipe. The song ends.)
Luigi: So, where do you think we should go next?
Mario: Shh, listen!
(Mario puts his ear up against a pipe and hears some talking.)
Koopa: You’re telling me that you kids got rid of the Mario Bros. once and for all? Prove it!
Kootie Pie: Well, we trapped them in a room full of lava and used a Bob-omb to make the lava erupt!
Mario: Come on Luigi, this is our chance to ambush those crafty Koopas Mario Bros. style!
(The Bros. come out of a pipe in the room the Koopas are in. Mario now has fire power.)
Koopa: You liars! You told me they were definite goners!
Kooky: Uh, maybe they had some 1-Ups?!
Mario: 1-Up this!
(Mario begins to shoot all the Koopas with a barrage of fireballs. He stops and lets Luigi tail whip the Koopas too.)
Koopa: I’ve got a new strategy! Retreat!
(They run through a warp pipe and come out in the Mushroom Kingdom, followed by the Bros.)
Koopa: They’re still here?! Let’s keep running kiddies!
(They run off.)
Cheatsy: Yeah, I’ve had enough Mario Bros. to last me for a long time!
Mario: Well Luigi, it looks like we took care of the Koopas, even when they organized a strategy!
Luigi: Yeah, it just goes to show that you may be able to outwit a plumber, but not the Mario Bros.!
Koopa: Hurry up kids! Those pesky plumbers gave me a headache!
Kooky: YOU have a headache! You just sat around the whole time!
Koopa: It was my idea!
Kooky: Was not!
Koopa: Was too!
Kooky Was not!
Koopa: Was too!
Big Mouth: WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS NNNNNOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!
Koopa: If you kids still don’t think I’ve got a headache, you’ve got some explaining to do!
(Koopa falls over and groans. The curtain falls.)
The End
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