Go to page 4, starting February 2, 1999

Go to page 5, starting January 14, 2001. 

Dear Journal,

I've been busy lately avoiding Roy. He's been grumpy a while because his favorite baseball team didn't make the Playoffs. Our satellite dish brings us channels from all around the universe, including Earth. I can only hope that he gets over it soon.

Ludwig has been busy lately building inventions. He said something about his last invention being an invention causer, but I didn't understand him.

As for me, I've gotten into a routine schedule of school, Koopa Learning Exchange, and land management. I will of course tell you if anything interesting happens. By the way, I've been told that you and Ludwig's notebook contain similar topics. I don't know anyhing about Ludwig's notebook; I'm not even allowed to read it. I guess us Koopas lead very similar, interrelated lives.

Dear Journal,

Lately, things have been getting into too much of a pattern. Today, I took a day off from school to re-evaluate my life. I've decided that I need to pay a little less attention to Ice Land and a little more attention to Mario. Even though I hate to admit, trying to defeat Mario is actually fun. I don't mean that it's fun to be stomped on, but the challenge is really invigorating.

I actually got my idea from Ludwig. He's been so perky lately! He's always working in his laboratory making some invention to destroy Mario. He's always excited, and he's hardly ever bored (except for convenient mystery situations). On the other side of the scale, Morton hardly ever tries to destroy Mario, and that's why he spends all his time talking: he has nothing better to do.

Now that I've decided this, I have to act. I'm gonna go off right now and brainstorm ways to defeat Mario. I'll tell you what I find later. See ya!

Dear Journal,

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote!  Well, I've been busy going to school, holding Koopa Learning Exchange classes, overseeing Ice Land, thinking of ideas to stop Mario, and... oh yeah, running this site.  Hopefully I'll be able to write a little more often.

I would like to discuss my Halloween.  We Koopas get money for being the scariest.  I let my creative juices flow like a river, and I came up with something really scary.  I dressed up as Mario, the scaries thing I know.  Not only that, but I brought a piano with me.  Mario is known though out the Koopa world as being a horrible pianist, even worse than Ludwig!  You can see my costume in Lemmy's Photos, under Mario Thinks He's Ludwig.

On Halloween, I froze the Troopas guarding the defense section of the castle, and then I took over the emergency broadcast system and said that Mario wad raiding the castle.  This set off many alarms and caused general chaos.  Then, I left the defense area and strolled down the main hallway.  I caught the attention of all my siblings, and they immediately shot magic from their wands at me.  Fortunately, my magic ball, which I had made invisible and hit in the bottom of the piano, absorbed all the shots.  Then I sat down and scratched out a tune that Ludwig had wrote.  Everyone ran away screaming and with their ears covered!

They were sure mad at me when they found out I had played a trick on them.  But all is fair on Halloween!  Ludwig came close to being the scariest when he tried to be nice by playing another of his tunes.  He dressed up as Earth's Albert Einstein, which was almost scary (doesn't the guy just look insane).  Wendy dressed up as a witch.  I wish she had put on a costume.  (That's a joke).  Both Iggy and Roy dressed up as a Sumo Brother.  Then Iggy got sent to the emergency room and Roy to the hospital.  Larry was a killer tomato.  Morton was a tape recorder.  That was scary too.

I can't wait until April Fools!

Dear Journal,

You've probably decided by now that I've had a brainfreeze on ideas to defeat Mario, but that is not true.  I decided not to write my ideas here because it is historically not a good idea to leave written documentation of your battle plans.  Either Mario somehow finds our, or, even worse, one of my siblings steals the idea.

I think my most outraegous idea was to go down Mario and Luigi's chimney dressed up as Santa Claus.  I decided that would be a good idea because I remembered some Earth holiday called Christmas.  Unfortuantely, I forgot when Christmas was, and Mario knew I wasn't Santa because it wasn't even December.  Maybe I'll try again then, but if I do, I will have to find a much more realistic costume.

My father's brother Wart recently had his first child, a girl named Susan B. Koopa.  She's very young, but she is shaping up to be a brat.  On the other hand, she seems to be taking a liking to Larry, who is not a brat except when he is spying.  I guess I'll know more about my cousin when she grows older.

Us Koopas get special presents four times a year, if we generally obey Bowser and Clawdia.  The intent of this is to make us behave.  We also get birthday presents, but that is an expected and not a reward.  One of those special days is in two weeks.  I hope I get something good, like a super bouncy ball!

Dear Journal,

Yesterday I had to go to the doctor.  Each Koopaling has their own personal doctor, because we are all very important th the Koopa world and way of life.  All doctors would be honored to be a Koopa doctor for three reasons, in order of least importance:  the honor of working with a Koopa, lots of money, and lots of time for golf.  We don't get sick often, so our Koopa doctors really have it well.

My doctor is Dr. Krick, and I went to see him for one of my regular check ups.  Koopas usually see a doctor once every three months, even if they are not sick.  At first, the check up was regular.  He checked my eyes for their straghtness, that I could hear, and that my teeth were sufficiently dangerous.  I had to perform several mechanical skills tests, which I did with ease after having ridden my ball.

I thought the check up was over but then Dr. Krick did something to me that he had never done before.  He led me into a small chamber and closed the door.  He then poured a smelly, slimy goo on me.  I didn't mind that it was smelly, because most Koopas like smelly things and don't have good noses anyway, but I hate slimy things.  Dr. Krick was watching some kind of screen, and said that he could see what was inside me.  He offered me a chance to see, but I declined because I don't want to know what I look like without scales.

When he was done, I cleaned up and left, and that was the end of that.  Still, it was not a pleasant experience.  I think I will have to speak with Ludwig and see if there are any better ways to see inside people, like ways that are not slimy.  Maybe we can invent one.  I wonder if there is some twisted away to involve Mario in this.

Dear Journal,

Well, I think it's evident that I have been very busy lately.  There are two reasons for this, and I will explain both of them.  Unfortunately, one of them is not a happy thing to think about, but at least the other one is.

The happy reason is because of the holiday we had on December 13.  First of all, we spent a good portion of the week previous to that preparing for the holiday.  That meant decorating all the rooms, trying to make up for our misdeeds against other Koopas, and working expecially hard to nail Mario.  Then I spent a lot of time this week with the present I was given.  We all got very nice presents.  Bowser likes to give presents by theme, and this year we had an Earth theme.  Objects from Earth are very valuable on Plit because of the difficulty of crossing the domensions.  Larry got The Lion King 2.  Morton got a Webster's Dictionary.  Wendy got an Earthian jacuzzi. Iggy got a univeral exerciser.  Roy got some boxer's punching bag.  Ludwig got an old telexcope to investiagate.  I got a video game called Iggy's Recking Balls.  That game is like me: wacky.  Of course, it confused Iggy.  I just wish that my ball riding skills incorprated themselves into the game, because I think it is very hard.

The unhappy reason is that I am involved in an interland crisis.  You see, the king of Sky Land, right now Roy, has a machine that controls the weather in all the lands.  The machine is controlled by a key, so the only way to use it is to overthrow the king and then become king yourself.  The crisis is that the machine has gone haywire and will not do as it is supposed to do.  No land is getting any rainfall at all- except for Desert Land, where rain is actually plentiful.  All the lands except Desert Land and Ice Land are having a dangerous drought.  Ice Land has escaped because I am melting the ice.  That solves Ice Land's problems, but I have constantly been involved in meetings to determine how to deal with the other lands.  From the outside, it seems as if the obvious choice is to give them water.  The problem is that melting the ice costs money, as well as shipping the ice, melting ice actually shrinks my land, and no one knows how much ice there is, and therefore how much ice can safely be melted.  My advisors are not much help either.  Comments range from give them ice for free and they will me when I need help to give them nothing and go conquer them.  I hope to resolve this as soon as possible so that I can get back to fun things- like Lemmy's Land.

Dear Journal,

I had a good time in Denmark.  I got a lot of rest, saw a bunch of cool sites, and ate some exquisite chocolate.  Despite all that, I think the best part was watching the people.  I am not making fun of Denmark people specifically, for I think it is the nature of their planet, but it was funny to watch them respond to me.  When I first drove in my doomship through the warp pipe, I got some kind of radio message ordering me to identify myself.  Well, I’m not used to following anyone’s orders except Bowser’s, so I did nothing.  After a while, I found myself in the midst of some primitive missile attack.  I laughed as the bombs bounced harmlessly off the side of my ship.

When I got near Denmark, I was asked to wait to land at the airport.  I didn’t feel like it, so I came down for a landing on top of my hotel, which, of course, was rated 5 stars.  The hotel manager wasn’t very keen about that idea, but he changed his tune when I showed him a bag full of gold coins.  They gave me special treatment and had someone attending to me at all times.

Whenever I went somewhere, people gave me a strange look and asked me what I was doing away from my parents.  When I told them I had been given permission by my father who lived in another dimension, they tried to lead me to the police office, but I blinked myself away and left them staring.

I had great fun doing magic tricks to amuse and stun passerbys.  I think the best part of the vacation was the extra attention and increased awe that I received.  It was fun!

In other news, the issue about the draught was resolved just before I left on vacation.  I agreed to sell my ice at 100,000 gold coins a ton.  I think I am going to make quite a profit.  My land may shrink a bit, but by the time this is done with, I’ll have enough money to buy another land, plus my land will grow back when the snows and rains continue.

In still other news, Larry seems to have done a good job running my land.  He certainly exercised his power though- he added a new section, reorganized everything, and even tried to move my land.  Nevertheless, I was pleasantly surprised, and I will leave him in charge again sometime.

For now, I think I should take a break from writing and catch up on current events in Ice Land.

Dear Journal,

Many people complain about the inefficiency of government, and although I am the head of one, I think I have to agree.  Just as I resolved the issue of selling ice or not, the machine in Sky Land began to work again.  I’ve only sold about 5 tons of ice, and the other lands would have been okay without the ice a bought.  I suppose one reason that government’s are slow is that there are usually many options available, and many people see the situation different ways.  But that’s all I have to say about that.

I know it must really be winter because last night it snowed in Dark Land.  Dark Land has the most normal weather, in comparison to Earth, of all the lands, except of course that the sun is always hidden, so if it snowed their then I really know it’s winter.  There must be a foot of snow outside the castle- we may not be able to open the doors.  But that’s okay because we can fly out a window or just blink ourselves outside.  I hope we have a snowball fight soon- I feel an impending urge to peg Iggy!

Dear Journal,

I like it when I have finished my work and I can rest and do as I please.  I have decided that work causes too much stress, and, since stress can shorten your lifespan, nobody should have to work.  Of course, this is impossible, but that is why I do my work as quickly as possible so that I don’t have to worry about it.  Barring any emergencies, I don’t have to do anything with Ice Land for 3 whole days.

We did have a snowball fight the other day.  I had a great time pegging everybody- at least until Roy pegged me and I was out.  Well, I almost won, anyway.  I built a great fortess in the snow and prepared many snowballs.  I pegged Morton almost immediately because I heard him talking.  I saw Larry peg Ludwig, who was trying to set up a snowball hurling invention but was too slow.  Wendy pegged Larry just before Roy pegged her.  I didn’t expect Roy to literally crash through the walls of my snow fort, but he did and that is how he beat me.  But it was still a lot of fun.  Afterwards I built a really tall snowman- and pegged everyone again!

I’m not sure what I will be doing the next couple days, but I suppose I will do something.  Or at least I think I will.  I hope it is something fun!

Dear Journal,

Ludwig had his 9th birthday party earlier today.  We are getting excited because he will soon reach double digits.  Of course, I was excited by the party, and I’m sure Ludwig was too.  Parties are fun!

When the party started, Ludwig had to give a speech which showed the his importance to the Koopas.  That was kind of boring, but then it was party time!  There was music and lights and dancing.  I amazed all the guests with ball dancing tricks.  I feel a little guilty that I didn’t know who all the guests were, but I am sure that Ludwig did.  There was also a lot of good food that you could grab off the plate of a passing servant.  Most of it was very good, although there were a few things that I found to be not fun.

Later Ludwig opened the presents we gave him.  I gave him a comic book of the misuse of science.  He seemed pleased by the gift, although I do admit that he reacted in about the same way to every gift.

After that, we had dinner.  It wasn’t as much fun as the rest of the party because he had to sit down to eat, but the food was great and the dessert was even better.  I LOVE chocolate ice cream!  For that matter, I love ALL ice cream!  Then the guests began to leave and the party was over.

I can’t wait until MY birthday comes so that I can really party!  I don’t know how I will contain myself.

Lemmy Koopa

Dear Journal,

Nothing special has been happening lately.  Just the regular- school, Ice Land, and entertainment by riding my ball or maybe swimming.  Therefore, I will write about something hypothetical.  One of my tourists asked me how I cope when I am sick.  I am not about to go and make myself sick for an experiment (that's Ludwig's job), but I will talk about previous experiences.

I don't get sick very often because of the great medicines known to us and the excellent skills of my doctor.  I have never had a truly serious illness.  Mostly I've had colds, and one time I had some kind of a stomach virus.

One down side about being sick is that it doesn't get you out of school.  This is because since I have my very own teacher, he can come to me and teach me my lesson.  I don't think I have ever missed school for being sick.  However, since I can decide when to attend school, I could not schedule it for a sick day.  I usually do because I'm in bed not doing anything anyway.

As for Ice Land, I have appointed a Vice Lemmy to attend to matters when I am gone or incapable of ruling.  The Vice Lemmy is not Larry; that is only for Lemmy's Land.  The Vice Lemmy is a trusted Boom Boom.  He is able to handle most things, but if an emergency were to come up he could call me on the speak and see phone.  He would be able to show me the problem and I'd be able to talk him through it.  I cna still personally run Lemmy's Land even when I am sick, although I have not been since I created it.

Being sick doesn't hurt too much, because our medicines reduce the pain and stop the symptoms.  The worst effect of the disease is getting sleepy.  Even worse than the disease itself is that my siblings are not always sympathetic, and like to make nasty remarks about it.  Of course, I return those remarks when they are sick.  I guess it's just Koopa nature.

Basically, being sick is more of an annoyance than anything else and is not an important part of my life.

Dear Journal,

Still nothing unusual going on.  There haven’t been any disasters, it is not snowing anywhere besides Ice Land, and Mario hasn’t made any surprise attacks.  I’m not saying that I’m bored, because there are always plenty of things to do, but I don’t have much to write about.  My birthday is not too far away, though, and perhaps that will liven things up.

For now, I think I will talk about the Mario shows.  I have been very excited lately because I heard that some of them were on TV again.  I remember being in the shows, but I don’t remember that much of it.  Thanks to Ludwig’s technological genius, I have been able to see all 6 Mario episodes so far, and have been able to tape 4 of them.

I don’t know why I like the shows so much.  After all, it shows our failures, and some of mine too.  There things really did happen, and it wasn’t funny when it did.  Now, though... I don’t know, maybe with all our other defeats, these just seem like jokes and not history.  Anyway, I love to see me and my other siblings on TV.  Actually, I don’t care much for The Super Mario Super Show, which only has Dad in it.  I think I am kind of cute.

I do have some questions to ask, though.  How does Mario always get an appropriate power up when he needs it?  How is it that we always mess up at the last second?  How does Wendy always get what she wants?  How can Toad swim without getting all soggy?  Why is my father always so grumpy?  And what is a good way to thank Ludwig without being subject to an unintelligable speech?

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