Mii T: Judging by who’s writing this, wouldn’t it be “Below-Average”? Hey, my first Non-Interview Appearance! And in a Fun Fiction!
P.T: Okay, enough screen time for you! Today, I’ll fill in for the Opening Narration Guy.
P.T. pulls out a book, and all the pages fall out.
P.T: … Okay, Mii T.! Tell the story!
Mii T: Fine. Every century, Star Bits fall from the sky and form into Power Stars, like in Super Mario 64. Only in this game, they’re slightly smaller and oranger, likely due to graphic improvements. And for some reason, it’s a sacred and happy time for the Mushroom Kingdom. But really, what isn’t celebrated by the Mushroom Kingdom these days?
Flashback!
Random Toad: Look! A penny!
Another Random Toad: A celebration I say!
A party commences.
Another Flashback!
Yet Another Random Toad presses a button on his remote.
A Fourth Random Toad: Woohoo! Party time!
There’s a party.
One More Flashback!
A Fifth Random Toad: Ow! I broke my leg!
A Sixth Random Toad: Break out the confetti!
They have another party.
Flashbacks Over!
P.T: That was weird.
Random Toad: Someone said something! I’ll get the balloons!
Meanwhile, Mario is walking to Toad Town.
Blue Toad: Hi Mario! You should collect the Star Bits!
Mario: Kid, I’m just here because the power’s out at my house, okay?
As Mario keeps walking, he notices a shiny blue star nearby wherever he goes. It starts moving around and collecting Star Bits for him.
Mario: OH MY DAD! POSSESSED STAR THING! THERE’S A POSSESSED STAR THING FOLLOWING ME! HELP!
Mario runs into a wall and knocks himself out. Shortly after that, Bowser’s Airships lower towards Toad Town and blast everything! The main one floats towards the balcony with Peach and two Toads.
Bowser: Bwahahaha! Peach, you’re invited to the creation of my new galaxy!
Peach: No thanks. I’ve already got something going on right now.
Bowser: Aw, please?
Peach: No.
Bowser: Come on! We defeated an evil clown together just recently! Doesn’t that mean anything?
Peach: I said no!
Bowser: Ugh, fine! Airships! Kidnap Maneuver N-6-4!
Airship Pilots: Kidnap the way we did in a Nintendo 64 game? Okay!
The airships deploy chains, and Mario wakes up.
Mario: I just hope this doesn’t keep the repairman from coming to my house!
Mario runs to the castle, as Bowser holds out his thumb like in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. This causes a spaceship to come and cut Peach’s Castle away, accidentally cutting the chains.
Spaceship Driver: Whoops.
After quickly deploying more chains, they fly up into space with Peach’s castle.
Bowser Jr: Dad, how are we able to easily break free of the atmosphere, and how can we breathe in space?
Bowser: SON! YOU JUST QUESTIONED THE FORCES OF SCIENCE AND NATURE! YOU’D BETTER HOPE THEY DIDN’T CATCH THAT, OR WE’LL DIE DUE TO THE ATMOSPHERE AND LACK OF AIR AND STUFF!
Jr: Whoops.
Kamek comes down.
Kamek: Mario! Be gone!
Mario: But the power’s off at my house!
Kamek: Don’t care!
Kamek shoots Mario away. And the white Luma jumps from Peach’s arms to Mario, and they land on a planetoid near Plit.
Peach: Oh no! Luigi isn’t good enough to save me, and Yoshi’s always too far! I’m doomed!
Luigi: I’m right here, you know! Come on, Toad Brigade, obviously we’re not needed!
Mario wakes up on the planetoid.
Mario: Zubba?
White Luma: My friends and I will turn into bunnies, and you must catch us!
The Lumas become space bunnies and leave. Mario finds a yellow one eating carrots, before the eyes of a guy in a space suit with a blue light on top.
Mario: Found you!
Bunny: D’oh!
Louie: See! The bunnies really DID eat the carrots!
Mario finds a small man walking around, and follows him.
Man: Be vewy quiet! I’m hunting wabbits!
Mario takes his rifle and throws it into deep space.
Mario: I’m the rabbit hunter!
Elmer Fudd sadly leaves, and Mario finds the other two bunnies playing Super Mario Galaxy.
Bunnies: Dang it!
This causes a castle to appear.
Mario: What the? Okay, this adventure is freaking me out…
The bunnies turn into Lumas, and Mario walks over to the castle to find a lady resembling Peach floating in the light.
Mario: Um, what are you doing?
Lady: Huh? Do you mind? I’m looking dramatic! But now it’s ruined! I’m Rosalina, and I look after the Lumas! Take this white one and you’ll be able to do a spin attack.
Luma: Don’t I even get a name?
Rosalina: You would, but Nintendo scrapped the idea, so stop whining!
The Luma goes under Mario’s hat.
Mario: Can’t I spin already?
Rosalina: Not like this!
Mario: How is this different?
Rosalina: Silence!
Rosalina fades, and it’s revealed a flashlight on a pedestal was behind her, causing the light.
Luma: Now you can use the spin to activate Launch Stars!
Mario: And?
Luma: They cause you to be launched through space!
Mario: Ohh… How can I breathe?
Luma: Silence, nonbeliever!
Mario uses a Launch Star and he’s launched to another planet.
Yellow Luma: Gather the Star Chips to make a new Launch Star!
Mario: How many?
Yellow Luma: Five!
Mario: Too many! Transform into one yourself!
Yellow Luma: But-
Mario: NOW!
He does, and Mario launches himself to a round thing with lots of Goombas and an old foe…
Mario: You!
Mega Goomba: You!
Mario: I never thought we’d meet again… But now I can do this!
Mario Star Spins, and Mega Goomba gets knocked upside down, dizzy. Mario then kicks him into space, even though with Mega Goomba’s weight, Mario should break his foot on him.
Mario: I beat you again!
But Mega Goomba flies into the flying Lord Crump, and Crump knocks Mega Goomba back to the thingy.
Mario: Cruddles.
Mario sees the Star Cursor again.
Mario: THE CURSOR! IT’S BACK!
Mario runs around in fear, and accidentally presses the B button on his Wii-Mote (I don’t know why he was holding one). A Star Bit hits Mega Goomba in the eye, as the Cursor was on it.
Mega Goomba: OW!
He explodes.
Mario: … Bwahahahaha!!
After abusing the Cursor’s power, Mario finds a way inside.
Luma: They’ve kept the Grand Star locked up! We have to activate all the Flipswitches to free it!
Mario: Better idea!
Mario grabs a Goomba and bashes the glass with it, freeing the Grand Star. It suddenly takes him to a floating castle near Plit. The Grand Star floats towards a mini sun, and it starts to grow.
Black Luma (Polari): The Beacon is bigger! Happies!
Rosalina: I’ve noticed…
Mario: Lady, are you gonna keep following me or what?
Rosalina: No, I live here! This is our place, and Bowser’s plot interfered with our travel of passing by that planetoid every century-
Mario: WOAH, YOU’RE OLD!
Rosalina: … Chronologically yes, but biologically no, because of the Star Magic. Now stop interrupting! Anyway you have to power up the ship so it can fly to Bowser by getting Grand Stars from the galaxies in the domes around the Observatory! Now since Super Mario Galaxy was a big game, you’ll get a Table of Contents like in Shady Parakoopa’s story.
Mario: Isn’t that illegal?
Polari puts his hand over Mario’s mouth.
Polari: No one needs to know this! Now look at all the Galaxies you can go to!
PLUMBER’S GUIDE
TO THE GALAXY:
Observatory:
Library
Green Trial Galaxies
Terrace:
Good
Egg Galaxy
Honeyhive
Galaxy
Flipswitch Galaxy
Loopdeloop
Galaxy
Bowser Junior’s
Robot Reactor
Sweet Sweet Galaxy
Fountain:
Space Junk Galaxy
Battlerock Galaxy
Bowser’s Star
Reactor
Rolling Green
Galaxy
Hurry-Scurry
Galaxy
Sling Pod Galaxy
Kitchen:
Beach Bowl Galaxy
Ghostly Galaxy
Bowser Junior’s
Airship Armada
Bubble Breeze
Galaxy
Buoy Base Galaxy
Drip Drop Galaxy
Bedroom:
Gusty Garden
Galaxy
Freezeflame Galaxy
Dusty Dune Galaxy
Bowser’s Dark
Matter Plant
Honeyclimb Galaxy
Bigmouth Galaxy
Engine Room:
Gold Leaf Galaxy
Sea Slide Galaxy
Toy Time Galaxy
Bonefin Galaxy
Bowser Junior’s
Lava Reactor
Sand Spiral Galaxy
Garden and Gate:
Gateway Galaxy
Revisited
Boo’s Boneyard
Galaxy
Deep Dark Galaxy
Dreadnought Galaxy
Melty Molten
Galaxy
Matter Splatter
Galaxy
Snow Cap Galaxy
Bowser’s Galaxy
Reactor