Return to Roy's Sports Hall.
Return to Lemmy's Land.
Iggy: Uh... Hey guys, um... Welcome to Roy's Sports Hall and, uh...
Roy: Whassamatter, Iggy?
Iggy: Well, y'know, you shocked Larry pretty badly last week and, um...
Roy: Just, y'know, equal to the huge level of the mistake he made. I mean, he's not going to be paralyzed forever... probably! Why you so worried?
Iggy: Well it's that you're making ME predict! I mean, I can't even predict what I'm going to have for breakfast with certainly when we only have one box of Kokoa Koopas left!
Roy: I thought you'd be smarter than this.
Iggy: I'm more of the "play video games, apply real-world logic later" type of guy, you know?
Roy: Hmph... Well, whatever. I mean, I doubt you can mess this up.
Iggy: I think it's kinda obvious, yeah... So, um, do I start?
Roy: Yeah, whatever. Jeez, your low self-esteem doesn't make this nearly as fun as Larry.
Iggy: In the Red Corner, we have our unlikely champion, one of the lowest of the low taking out the highest of the high, Microgoomba!
Microgoomba: I'm looking forward to another win today!
Iggy: And in the Blue Corner is the chosen son of Lemmy's Land Forum and all around good guy, Gloomtail!
Gloomtail: My foe is smaller than the pupil of my eye, you realize?
Iggy: Well that's what the voters asked for, so...
Gloomtail: I've eaten toothpicks that are more of a meal than he would be!
Iggy: Um... Easy win?
Gloomtail: Fool! Who cares about winning or losing? I'm here to sell t-shirts and gain a fantastic cult, the likes of which the world has never seen!
Roy: Nerds that really love Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door?
Gloomtail: They are the most rabid, mindless beasts of all...
Roy: Eh... whatever. Decided yet, Insertfistey?
Iggy: Uhhh... yeah, Microgoomba has this pretty easily. I mean, he's small... What are the odds that Gloomtail can hit him?
Roy: Eh, good enough. Pokey?
DING! DING! DI-
Microgoomba: Ow... owwwww... my... entire body... ugh...
Iggy: Okay, I might want to retract that statement... But look, the guy's holding on!
Roy: I wouldn't really qualify "still being alive and being stuck on the foot of a giant dragon" as "holding on". But I guess not everyone's as cool and always correct as I am.
Gloomtail: So you're still alive? Annoying.
Microgoomba: Ooooh... I'm so glad I don't have any bones to be broken...
Iggy: Yeesh, um... How's he still talking and, y'know, conscious?
Microgoomba: I'm in the top percentage of Microgoomba!
Iggy: ... That joke is really going to wear old quickly.
Gloomtail: It already has. Very well, I guess I'm getting bored of stomping around like an idiot.
Iggy: You know that really, really annoying piece of gum you get on your shoe sometimes? Microgoomba is pretty much channeling the pure essence of that, and it's pretty gross.
Microgoomba: Ha! I've sprouted up again and there's not a thing you can do to stop me!
Iggy: Oh look, he's perfectly fine now. How nice.
Gloomtail: I don't think I've ever been more apathetic to anything in my eternal life.
Microgoomba: Okay, here I GO!
Gloomtail: ... Oh, it's trying to bite into my scales. How cute.
Microgoomba: Arrrgh... Come on, I can do this!
Iggy: Microgoomba is doing... something. I guess it's biting or something, but no one can really tell.
Iggy: Thanks. Anyway, he's not succeeding at this.
Gloomtail: I can hardly see why I wasn't handicapped for this match.
Roy: Oh, you were. We just never mentioned it until now. Makes the punch line more hilarious.
Crack! Crack! Jiggy jiggy jiggy. KAFWAAAAAAAAAAM!
Gloomtail: Arrrgh! Aah... aah...
Iggy: Smoke is coming out of Gloomtail's mouth as he's breathing heavily! You can always count on Roy to cheat his way into making a match interesting!
Gloomtail: Ha... Amusing. When I devour your kingdom, I'll save you for last... perhaps. Ugh...
Microgoomba: Yaaay I win! He's down he's down!
Microgoomba: What? But he's clearly unconscious!
Pokey: Faking it.
Microgoomba: What? What do you mean faking?
Microgoomba: Charging? Charging wha- oh. Oooohhhh... Well um...
Gloomtail: We did mention the part where I'm God, right? Because I am, you know. Also a classically trained actor.
Microgoomba: But you... That Star Egg... I... I call cheating!
Gloomtail: Amusing. What is cheating?
Microgoomba: I bought the Thousand-Year Door strategy guide, you only have 80 HP. Star Egg should have more than enough to finish you off!
Gloomtail: Oh. Well by that logic, yes, I should be rather finished off.
Microgoomba: Then why are you still standing?!
Gloomtail: Can't a dragon devour a few fans to gain more strength? Not that I would need it, of course - the strength of my followers always keeps me beyond your mortal limits of 'RPG mechanics'.
Microgoomba: But... but... cheating!
Pokey: It's fine.
Gloomtail: Oh, but thank you very much for your petty banter, mortal. It gave me an opportunity to make this all the more painful.
Microgoomba: Oh shoo-
Gloomtail: I request his title be changed to "Pile Of Ashes Formerly Known As Microgoomba".
Gloomtail: You are defiant, but frank. I shall spare you for now.
Pokey: Microgoomba, out. Gloomtail, winner.
Iggy: I... I... um, what even just happened?
Roy: The giant dragon didn't explode when a dancing starfish hatched from an egg and made a meteor shower happen in his stomach.
Iggy: Well when you say it like that it sounds kind of silly...
Roy: Plus we here at Roy's Sports Hall are against angering giant dragons that can totally wreck the entire arena when we can actually help it.
Glooomtail: Your decision is wise. I shall leave you only requiring a massive cart of hotdogs as tribute.
Roy: Well, uh... how 'bout this loser?
Iggy: What?! But what about electrocution?!
Roy: Eh, different tortures for different Koopas, I always say.
Gloomtail: This additional tribute is sufficient.
Gloomtail: This tastes exactly as I expected. Make of that as you will. Oh, he seems to have fainted inside my mouth. How cute.
Roy: Will I get a video of this? Specifically the bit where he starts getting digested by your glorious molten cesspool of filth called a stomach?
Gloomtail: I always have presents for celebrated followers. Those relating to my greatness, of course.
Roy: Sweet. End transmission.
|Voting Results (highlight
1. Gloomtail: 53%
2. Microgoomba: 47%
Results (highlight to see):
1. Eerie, Grand Goomba: 44%
2. Goomba: 13%
You're not allowed to nominate these now - so don't waste your vote!
- Wendy (already fought this season)
Return to the main page of Roy's Sports Hall.
Return to the main page of Lemmy's Land.