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Bandit vs Koopa Bros

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Iggy: Roy, I’m boooooored.

Roy: I’m not your court jester, go find something painful to do.

Iggy: Nnnnngh. This round is going on even longer than usual! By the time I get to fight again, I’ll have a beard down to my knees.

Roy: Although that’s a funny mental picture, I’ve gotta say that’s true. Nobody has enough guts to stand up in the ring these days. All they wanna do is show up and smack someone around for a week.

Iggy: Yeah, it’s a real problem. I guess Ludwig and me are the only ones left with integrity, unlike a certain brother who got knocked out in his second match.

Roy: Oh yeah, Larry.

Larry: Actually, I was season champion–

Roy: Shut up and also you’re ugly.

Larry: As season champion, I graciously forgive you.

Roy: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I MAKE YOU SHUT UP!

…

Roy: All right, who’s fighting, Iggy?

Iggy: Well, in the Red Corner, as long as he hasn’t stolen the corner yet, it’s BANDIT!

Bandit: I’ll steal this win right from under your noses!

Iggy: And in the Blue Corner–

Koopa Yellow: Quicker than the wind! KOOPA YELLOW!

Koopa Green: Stiller than a forest! KOOPA GREEN!

Koopa Black: Hotter than flames! KOOPA BLACK!

Koopa Red: More magnificent than a mountain! KOOPA RED!

All: WE’RE THE KOOPA BROS!

BACKGROUND EXPLOSION!

Roy: Not bad. Larry, who do you predict for the win?

Larry: *cough* WHAT? SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I THINK THAT EXPLOSION BLEW OUT MY EARDRUMS!

Roy: WHO’S GOING TO WIN?!

Larry: WHO’S GOING TO SPIN? THE KOOPA BROS, RIGHT?

Roy: Good enough. Let’s get this over with, Pokey!

Pokey: Fight.

DING DING DING!

Bandit: Time to try you out, Goodstyle!

BA-LING!

Goodstyle: I say, Sir Bandit, these masked fellows are rather uncouth. Let’s show them the true art of thievery.

Koopa Red: Not a chance! FOUR WINDS FORMATION!

WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH!

Iggy: The Koopa Bros. are spinning around the arena chaotically! It’s going to be hard to dodge this!

Bandit: Whoops! Nope! Heh. Yipes! That was close!

Bonk bonk bonk!

Iggy: Bandit dodged them all! They’ve smashed together for a last-minute strategy, apparently.

Koopa Red: Let’s put our heads together on this.

Koopa Yellow: Already on it, Boss! He keeps dodging everything!

Koopa Green: Well then, why don’t we execute our invincible Formation New Spinning Attack?

Koopa Yellow: But we haven’t even tested that enough to give it a real name!

Koopa Red: Now’s our last chance to use it. I say we go ahead. What do you think, Black?

…

Koopa Red: Hey! Get out of your shell, Koopa Black! What’s–

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…

Koopa Red: … Uh oh.

KABOOM!

Koopa Red: GAAAAAAH!

Koopa Green: NYAAAAAAAH!

Koopa Yellow: NOOOAAAAAARGH!

Bandit: Hehehehehehehe! You shoulda seen the looks on your faces!

Koopa Black: You jerk! Give me back my shell!

Bandit: Sure! Catch!

Whooooooooooosh! Thwup!

Koopa Black: Okay.

Bandit: That… was not what I intended. Oh well. Goodstyle! Let’s do, uh, Dragon Mode! Time to wipe those stupid grins off their faces!

…

Bandit: Goodstyle?

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…

Bandit: I hate you all.

KABOOOOOOM!

Koopa Black: HA! You’re not the only one who can switch stuff out for Bob-ombs!

Goodstyle: If you could please unhand me–

Koopa Black: Okay!

FLING! Bonk!

Audience Toad: Ow!

Bandit: Oh dear.

Koopa Green: Now! INVINCIBLE NEW SPINNING FORMATION!

Koopa Black: What, now? Nobody ever tells me these things.

Whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH!

Iggy: This is the exact same tower they’ve used in every match! How is this different?

Koopa Red: Because this time we have our own THEME MUSIC!

LEITMOTIF!! WHOOSHWHOOSHWHOOSHWHOOSHVREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…

Iggy: The inspirational music kicked it up a notch! They’re forming a vortex of air and sucking Bandit in!

Bandit: No no no no nonononononononooooooooooo!

BADABADABADABAMBAMBAMBAMBAM!

Bandit: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Whump!

Koopa Red: He’s almost down! Koopa Green, you’re closest! It’s time to deal the last blow!

…

Koopa Red: Koopa Green, is there something wrong with your ears?!

Koopa Black: I’m Koopa Black.

Koopa Red: Don’t be dumb, you’re wearing the green costume!

Koopa Black: I am?! And who are you to give me orders, Yellow?

Koopa Red: Ye–? I’M RED!

Koopa Yellow: Actually, I think I’m Red, right now–

Bandit: Heh. Heh heh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Iggy: I DON’T BELIEVE THIS! BANDIT SWIPED AND EXCHANGED ALL OF THE KOOPA BROS’ UNIFORMS WHILE THEY WERE HITTING HIM!

Koopa Green: It doesn’t matter! Just everyone get him!

Bandit: Too late!

Koopa Red: What could you possibly do to us that–

Koopa Yellow: Uh, guys?

Yoshi: Oh my god, the baby!

Kamek’s Minions: Good job, Bandit! Baby Mario’s in one of these guys’ shells, right?

Bandit: Yep! But, uh, I forgot which one I put him in. You’ll have to carry all four of them back to the king’s place.

Kamek’s Minions: All right.

GRAB! GRAB! GRAB! GRAB!

Koopa Red: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!

Roy: I’M CHARGING YOU GUYS FOR REPAIRS!

Pokey: Ring out. Winner, Bandit.

Bandit: All right! Now I just need to go home and rest until I can feel my extremities again… uuuuugh.

Roy: Well, looks like you were wrong again, Larry.

Larry: WHERE DON’T I BELONG?

Roy: Let me write it out for you.

Larry: YOU SPELLED “ELECTROCUTED” WRONG– OH.

Roy: I live for those dawning moments of comprehension.

Iggy: Is that why you’re always trying to understand stuff?

PUNCH!

Iggy: GAAAaaaaaah…

Larry: TOO BAD YOU’RE NOT A SEASON CHAMPION LIKE ME, IGGY, OTHERWISE YOU COULD’VE…

Roy: I’m waiting.

Larry: I CAN’T HEAR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE GIVES ME THE FEELING IT’S TIME TO END TRANSMISSION.