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Dimentio vs Lemmy vs General Guy

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Roy: Did you manage to get that black hole out yet?

Janitor: Sorry, it just won’t wipe clean. I got it down to an inch on each side, though.

Roy: Did you use bleach?

Janitor: A whole bottle! It just swallowed it up!

Roy: Use some more bleach and get back to me.

Janitor: I’m out of cleaning supplies! You need to give me more funding!

Roy: … Eh, they can fight around it. Bandit, start this thing.

Bandit: With pleasure! And your wallet!

Roy: Nice try, my wallet’s attached to my shell!

…

Roy: YOU–

Bandit: See ya!

Roy: Get back here!

Bandit: Heh, just kidding. But you should be more careful with your clothes.

Roy: Yeah, yeah.

Bandit: In the Green Corner, it’s the Duke of Dimensions and the Tsar of Tsimiles, DIMENTIO!

Dimentio: Ahahahaha! Like a steak in front of a pack of hungry wolves, this battle won’t last long at all!

Bandit: In the Yellow Corner is the Koopaling who put Dimentio down last time. Meet the webmaster, LEMMY!

Lemmy: All right! This’ll be a snap!

Bandit: And in the Blue Corner, he rules a box of toys with an iron fist! GENERAL GUY!

General Guy: This time I have a plan that won’t fail!

Bandit: And now to Larry with–

Roy: Larry’s still in the black hole.

Bandit: Oh, right. Hey, General Guy! Can you predict who’s going to win this match?

General Guy: I predict myself!

Roy: I’ll be holding Larry to that!

General Guy: You can count on me!

Bandit: Let’s get this show on the road! Pokey!

Pokey: Fight.

DING DING DING! FWASH! FWASH!

Bandit: As soon as the match began, Dimentio encased the other two in the glass boxes!

Lemmy: I’ll just freeze myself again and–

Dimentio: Ciao!

KABOOM! KABOOM!

…

Bandit: The smoke is clearing, but that might have been the most anticlimactic Sports Hall match ever that doesn’t involve Shadoo!

Lemmy: Ugh… ugh…

Dimentio: A half-dead Koopaling and an empty tank! Much like my Internet delivery packages, this match is going to me!

General Guy: Not so fast! STILT GUY!

Dimentio: What the–

WHACK!

Dimentio: ARGH!

Bandit: I don’t understand what’s going on! I thought General Guy was blown up!

General Guy: Why would I make the guy who makes all the decisions stand out the most? That was just a Shy Guy private!

Dimentio: Then I’ll end you here!

FOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Shy Guy: Nooooo!

General Guy: Over here!

Dimentio: Gotcha!

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Shy Guy: ARGH!

Dimentio: ONE OF YOU HAS TO BE THE RIGHT ONE! DIIIIIIIIIIE!!

FWASH! FWASH! FWASH! FWASH! FWASH! FWASH! FWASH!

Bandit: Dimentio’s encased every Shy Guy in sight with a box!

Dimentio: Ciao, for good this ti–

ZAP! Bing! Boing! CHUNK! Bam!

General Guy: What was that?

Lemmy: Heh heh… Looks like your boxes don’t let anything go in, either.

Bandit: Lemmy reflected his freeze ray off the boxes to hit Dimentio in the back! He’s frozen solid!

Smash!

General Guy: You will pay for the loss of two fine guys! Here’s a hint, only the real General Guy knows how to do… THIS!

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Dimentio: BLAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGGGGGG! ENOUGH! CLONE PARTY!

POOF!

Bandit: Dimentio’s filled the ring with clones!

Lemmy: Only… one… chance… Argh!

Bandit: Lemmy threw a ball! But it’s so slow…

General Guy: I accept the terms of temporary truce! PRIVATE GUY! SHY STACKS! STILT GUY! VOLLEYBALL TIME!

Private Guy: Bump!

POOF POOF POOF!

Shy Stack: Set!

POOF POOF POOF POOF POOF!

Bandit: Thanks to General Guy’s army, the ball’s quickly knocking the clones down!

Shy Stack: Gotcha!

POOF! POOF! POOF!

Dimentio: I am alone once more, like an actor in a limousine! But you can’t possibly hope to–

General Guy: SPIKE!

BAM!

Dimentio: GAAAAAAAAH!

Lemmy: FREEZE!

ZAP! CHUNK!

General Guy: Time to finish you off! FIRE!!!

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Dimentio: BLAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGIDIAGAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

Whump.

Pokey: Dimentio, eliminated.

General Guy: Our truce is over! Charge!

Lemmy: The ball is… still in play…

ZAP! Squeak! WHAM!

General Guy: GUAH!

Whump!

Bandit: Lemmy froze the ball and knocked General Guy off of his tank!

Lemmy: It’s over.

ZAP!

General Guy: YOUR FINAL ORDERS ARE TO CHARGE!

CHUNK!

Lemmy: Now I’ll just throw you out of the ring and–

HUMAN SHIELD!

Shy Guy: General Guy is like a father to us! We will fulfill the orders he gave us before being frozen temporarily! GET HIM!

Shy Army: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!

Lemmy: NOOOOOOO!

WHAM! SMACK! CRUNCH! SMASH! BAM!

Pokey: Winner, General Guy.

Bandit: Let’s go to him for comments!

General Guy: Brrr… Stilt Guy, bring me a victory soup!

Stilt Guy: Right away, sir!

Roy: Not a bad match! Got two freaks out of the way, anyways. Time to shock Larry.

Bandit: Larry’s not here, remember?

Roy: I know that. I’m just going to ask Count Bleck to open another hole and I’ll throw this box of tazers into it.

Bandit: Sounds like a plan if I hadn’t stolen the box fir– GACK!

Roy: And you’re the perfect messenger!

Bandit: WAIT! I NEED TO ANNOUNCE NEXT WEEK!

Roy: Then escape in six days! End transmission!