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Fawful vs Count Bleck vs Bowser Castle

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Bowser: Put your dang backs into it! C'mon, work, WORK!

Bandit: Uh... What's the big guy doing? And... what's with the whip he has?

Larry: Well since the castle got chosen to fight back-to-back and got destroyed last time, King Dad's doing what he can to repair what he can. The whip is because he says it's funny when it makes the crack sound and all the Koopa Troopas working on it get scared.

Roy: Bahahahaha, he just dropped a brick on his foot!

Bowser: Bwahahahahaha! Classic! But there's NO TIME! What's operational?

Koopatrol: Sir! We managed to make really cute Wiggler statues from the rubble! We are planning on sending them to our families as novelty items, sir!

Bowser: ... You all wonder why I don't pay you more.

Koopatrol: You don't pay me at all, sir!

Bowser: Just... just what do we have that's useful?

Koopatrol: We have a giant bust of your head that shoots fire, and a stack of rubble, sir!

Bowser: ... Y'know what? Fine. I'll work with it. Start the match, or whatever.

Bandit: Has this program always been this terrible?

Larry: You get used to it.

Bandit: Riiiiiight... Welcome to Roy's Sports Hall, everyone, starring Bandit to steal the show yet again!

Roy: Stealing Popple's schtick already, huh?

Bandit: No way like the pro's way! And we have a, uh... match I guess? Doesn't look like much of one, but anyway. In the Green Corner is everyone's favorite nutcase, Fawful.

Fawful: Eyehehehehehe! The sweet taste of victory that shall drip down in the form of Fawful is about to descend!

Bandit: In the Yellow Corner, we have a crowd-pleasure and master of dimensions, Count Bleck!

Count Bleck: Your introduction is accurate, yet the implication is terrifying, mused Count Bleck.

Bandit: And in the Blue Corner we have what was once an impregnable fortress, now just a heap of bricks thanks to yours truly! Oh, and the big turtle guy too, yeah, but he doesn't technically count.

Bowser: Bwahahahaha, this is just gunna be PROOF that even in shambles, I am still number one, baby. Oh yeah!

Bandit: And Larry, what do y-

Larry: Count Bleck.

Bandit: Didn't give that much thought, did yo-

Larry: Nope. But the guy is just efficient, King Dad's essentially working with bricks to throw, and Fawful is... well... ugly.

Roy: This is good logic!

Fawful: It shall be the face of YOURS that shall be infected with the ugliness! Because all the girls, they are not fans of you, they are Fawful's! Furururururu!

Bowser: AND I CAN THROW BRICKS REALLY HARD!

Larry: Yeah, well... um... yeah.

Count Bleck: Count Bleck is encouraged by your well-thought-out rebuttle.

Larry: Look, it's hard coming up with these week after week, okay?!

Roy: All right, let's get this dang thing on the road. Pokey?

Pokey: Fight.

DING! DING! DING!

Fawful: Eyehehehehehe! Now I will have the ramming of YO-

...

Fawful: ... When did the chains of restraint get here?!

Bowser: Uh, I dunno. DEFINITELY didn't chain ya up while you were laughing your head off about mustard like ya always do before the match, nope, definitely not.

Fling!

Fawful: THE BRICK OF PAIN! IT HURTS FAWFUL!

Bowser: Bwahahahahaha! Yeah, TASTE the power of the Koopa Kingdom!

Bandit: And... Bowser's throwing rocks at Fawful. Behold, ladies and gentlemen, the genius strategy of the Koopa Kingdom!

Roy: It's HILARIOUS! Hahahaha, that hit him in the face again!

Bowser: Yeah! This totally counts as my castle beating you! Definitely!  Right?

Pokey: Sure.

Bowser: Bwahahahahaha!

Count Bleck: ... Count Bleck is annoyed by this charade. He shall give you until the count of three to kindly forfeit.

Bowser: Yeah? Or else what? I stomped ya before, and I'll GLADLY do it again!

Count Bleck: One...

Fawful: I HAVE COUNTER-ATTACK!

Shoom!

Bowser: Argh! Taste more brick, kid!

Fawful: IT GIVES ME OUCHIES! BLASTER SHALL BE SET TO MAXIMUM BOO-BOOS TO YOU!

Count Bleck: Two... announced Count Bleck in a distinctly irritable tone.

Fawful: Be having silence, stupid-hat! The Great Fawful shall be getting to you shortly!

Count Bleck: Three. And unto all, the Void consumes...

SHROOOOOOWH! RIP!

Bowser: W-when in the world did THAT thing get there?!

Fawful: I... I am calling cheating!

Bandit: It appears the Count just summoned a massive black hole in the center of the arena! It... it seems to be tearing reality apart at the seams! And I've only stolen from half of the crowd, how inconvenient!

Count Bleck: Count Bleck gave you fair warning. It shall not ease the tempest of his heart to resort to such measures, but it shall more than overcome you.

Bowser: You... you... GRAH!

Fawful: FAWFUL IS NOT HAVING GOING DOWN YE- OW! OW! OW! OW!

Bowser: ... To be fair that's totally hilarious.

Bandit: Since Fawful's chained to the ground, he's being tossed around while being sucked in. Which basically means, for those of us without eyes, imagine that Fawful is like a tether ball, and he's hitting the ground every time he goes around really, really hard.

Roy: Thanks for ruining the joke. Oh man, I think his dumb glasses broke, hahahahahaha!

Fawful: Grrrrrr... FAWFUL HAS THE SUMMONING OF HIS DOME!

Whirrrr! Poof!

Fawful: ... Of coursing.

Bandit: Well I don't think summoning a dome right above a black hole was a very good idea at all! Y'know, in my expert dome-summoning opinion.

Fawful: I AM HAVING PAIN!

Bowser: Grrrrr... TAKE THIS!

...

Count Bleck: ... Count Bleck is still waiting.

Bowser: Huh... I swore if I threw a rock in the middle of that black hole, it'd explode or somethin' by how awesome it was.

Count Bleck: No such luck.

Bowser: ARGH!

Bandit: I know the big guy's thick and all, but in his defense, there's only so much a man can do with a pile of rubble that's steadily being sucked into eternal nothingness. I know from experience.

Roy: I'm... not gonna ask.

Bowser: TASTE... FIRE... ROCK!

Fling! Poof!

Bowser: TASTE SLIGHTLY BIGGER FIRE ROCK!

Fling! Poof!

Bowser: WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?!

Count Bleck: The Void has no mind of its own. It simply devours, and Count Bleck appeases its appetite.

Bowser: Grrrrr... FIRE ATTACK!

Fwoom!

Count Bleck: ... You missed, remarked Count Bleck.

Bandit: Has the giant flamethrower installed in that giant stone Bowser head hit anything at all?

Bowser: IT'S HIT TONS OF STUFF!

Bandit: That wasn't your own men?

Bowser: ... SHUT UP!

Pokey: Stop.

Fawful: F-fawful... h-he is still... wanting to... t-to fight, though.

Pokey: No.

Fawful: Aw.

Bowser: What do you mean STOP?!

Pokey: Stop.

Bowser: Oh... well, okay.

Pokey: Don't want reality to be destroyed. So stop.

Count Bleck: Does this mark Count Bleck as the victor?

Pokey: Yes.

Count Bleck: Then I shall devour the souls of the moronic another day, mused Count Bleck!

Zip!

Bandit: And with that, we're no longer in danger of being sucked into a giant hole of absolute despair! To the audience members still writing their wills under the fear of eternal destruction, I'll take those on your way out to authenticate them. And rewrite them. And forge signatures.

Bowser: You guys realize we're still homeless and we have even LESS materials because you didn't rig this in my favor, RIGHT?!

Bandit: ... Hey, where's, uh... that other guy... stupid hair... Larry! Right, that's his name.

Roy: Definitely not thrown into a massive hole of absolute chaos and despair where his existence is questionable, nosir!

Bandit: That's cold. Even for you.

Roy: Eh, it's Larry. He'll find a way out. I'm more curious to see what the inside of a black hole looks like!

Bandit: It's a gravity well. It means you're just sucked in an-

Roy: Wow I SO don't care!

Count Bleck: ... Count Bleck believes it would be best just to end the transmission.

Bandit: Yeah... yeah that'd be nice... this is just embarrassing. End Transmission.