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Waluigi vs Chet Rippo vs Petey Piranha

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Roy: It’s that time again, folks! Roy’s Sports Hall is up and ready for action!

Larry: Yeah, but what’s going on down in the ring?

Roy: Huh?

Waluigi: So you’re–a the Chet Rippo I heard-a about?

Chet Rippo: Yessir, that’s me. I can change ya stats, quick as ya please.

Waluigi: Hmmm… Waluigi doesn’t-a know about-a these stats…

Chet Rippo: Well, ya got yer HP. That’s that stuff ya don’t have a lot of.

Waluigi: Waluigi doesn’t have a lot-a of anything.

Chet Rippo: Well, it’s the reason ya fall over in a stiff breeze. Then ya got ya FP– Flower Points– and BP, which lets you wear these.

Waluigi: Waluigi knows about-a badges.

Chet Rippo: Well, I can change one and the other, if ya don’t mind one of ‘em being lower.

Waluigi: Hmmm… Waluigi likes-a the idea of something being-a better… but Waluigi doesn’t-a have much to make-a worse.

Chet Rippo: How about BP? I don’t see ya accessorizin’ a lot.

Waluigi: But Waluigi likes badges. Waluigi traded five-a-hundred coins for them at Wario Land. Waluigi will-a give up the HP.

Chet Rippo: Are ya sure?

Waluigi: Waluigi is-a sure.

Chet Rippo: Well, okay… HERE WE GO!

FOOM! FOOM! SWOOP!

Waluigi: Waluigi is-a skinnier!

Roy: HEY! STOP TAKING SO LONG AND FIGHT ALREADY!

Waluigi: SORRY!

Chet Rippo: You look like you could use a coupla stat changes yerself!

Roy: YOU– Just lower Petey Piranha already.

Larry: On it!

CRASH! Clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk…

Petey Piranha: GLABLLLLGH!

Chet Rippo: Woah now!

Roy: Now if you start feeling like you actually want to fight this thing instead of standing around arguing about stats like a couple of idiots, you may– MAY– be able to survive this in less than three pieces. FIGHT!

Pokey: Ahem.

Roy: Fine.

Pokey: Fight.

DING DING DING!

Waluigi: Waluigi isn’t-a an idiot! Waluigi is-a the smartest! And the best-a actor!

Pat pat pat pat pat!

Roy: What’s Waluigi pinning to his clothes?

Larry: Those are, uh… those are Power Rush badges!

Waluigi: Waluigi tricked-a you, you stupid papaya-nosed freak! DANGER WALUIGI TIME!

PUNCH!

Chet Rippo: NOOOO REEEEEFFFFUuuuuuuunnnndddsss…

CRASH!

Pokey: Ring out. Chet Rippo, eliminated.

Roy: Oh.

With low HP, the multiple Power Rush badges have greatly increased Waluigi’s normally sub-par attack strength, allowing him to obliterate the weak-bodied Chet Rippo!

Petey Piranha: WAAAALLLGH!

HORF!

Waluigi: WAH!

…

Roy: Wait, is that it?

Larry: Well, theoretically Waluigi should be in constant danger, and Petey’s reasonably strong, so…

Roy; Well, I guess we had a match. I’ll let Petey clean up the mess.

Petey Piranha: AAAAAARGHLP!

Pokey: …

Roy: What’s wrong, Pokey? Just announce Petey as the winner and–

Thump. Thump.

Roy: No. NO.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Pokey: Winner, Waluigi.

Petey Piranha: GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!

KABOOM!

Waluigi: Waluigi always-a wins!

Roy: He… he had Bob-ombs with him. This is the stupidest match I’ve ever seen.

Petey Piranha had gulped up Waluigi, but being eaten’s not enough to kill a guy in the Mushroom Kingdom!  When the Bob-ombs Waluigi had on him went off from inside, Petey went down.

Larry: At least it was short.

Roy: Yeah, and at least you get to clean up the mess Petey made.

Larry: I don’t see why we can’t just hire a janitor.

Roy: Don’t be silly. Janitors are actually trained to do this stuff!

Larry: I hate everything.

Roy: A valuable lesson. End transmission!