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Chef Torte vs Count Bleck

Announcer Referee <-Prev--Next->

***

Croco: Heh heh heh... Well hey there, folks. You know a sayin' I like to keep around – a crocodile never forgets, 'specially around these folks.

Chef Torte: Sacre bleu! Vat are you doing here?

Croco: Well ya see, cream puff top, there's lotsa men in this world who take a loss well and, well... I ain't one of 'em. There's a petty li’l demon called revenge that makes us all feel real good, and considerin' the gentlemanly state of your competition - thank you, Count, your graciousness is always 'preciated - I figured to m'self I could get in an easy win and, hey, iffin' you get creamed, that'll put a big ol' smile on my face!

Chef Torte: Zis is an outrage! Vere is Roy?!

Croco: Day spa.

Chef Torte: Zat... zat is ze VORST excuse I could imagine!

Croco: It's Roy.

Iggy: Wouldn't put it past him.

Larry: I'd bet he'd do something like that.

Count Bleck: The pedicures are magnificent, added Count Bleck.

Pokey: Agreed.

Chef Torte: You... ze two of you do not even possess FEET!

Croco: Eh, whatever. So anyway, crazy-eyes, let's get this shindig started, a'ight?

Iggy: Right. In the Red Corner is the... um... how do you pronounce this word?

Croco: Barbarian.

Iggy: Right. The, uh, lucky barbarian destined to get creamed, also his face is ugly. Chef Torte!

Chef Torte: Hmph... Very vell, I shall overcome zis setback and prove my vorth as master of evil of ze culinary arts! Mvahahahahaha!

Iggy: And in the Blue Corner is Count Bleck, who is cool and gentlemanly and all that.

Count Bleck: Allow Count Bleck to make his own prediction. This match shall be finished in less than two minutes... by the hand of Count Bleck!

Chef Torte: Hmph, zat confident are ve?

Iggy: And, um, Larry with his thing!

Larry: Well I have to say, we've seen miracles before, but most of them were inspired either because Roy was really confident in a pick or because Roy himself set up the miracle. With him out of the picture, Croco seems like the guy who'd just lock up a miracle in a box and sell it later with no chance of escape. So let's go with the proven powerful guy, Count Bleck.

Iggy: Huh... That was long for something really obvious.

Larry: Well I have a flair for the dramatic when Roy isn't around.

Iggy: Too true, too true.

Larry: Plus I'm going to skip this match to go out for ice cream anyway.

Iggy: I'm in. Pokey, make sure nothing blows up.

Pokey: Kay.

Chef Torte: Zis... zis ist... a mockery of ze rules!

Croco: Wwell there ain't no rules in this place, 'cept when they get made on rare occasions. Anyways, I'll be holdin' this stopwatch here... two minutes, Bleck ol' boy?

Count Bleck: Less, replied Count Bleck.

Croco: A'ight, just lemme beeet on thaaat... two minuuutes... All right! Pokey, light this candle.

Pokey: Fight.

DING! DING! DING!

Chef Torte: Hypeir Plasma Cannon!

Fhzzzzoooom!

Chef Torte: ... Ha! Ze fool has been struck down by a single blow!

Count Bleck: Overconfidence is quite a tragic trait to possess, stated Count Bleck, a knowing, almost sad tone in his voice.

Chef Torte: How did you get ba- ARGH!

Croco: Oh hohoho! Looks like the Count warped away and got the slip on the ol' crackpot cook!

Chef Torte: Grrrr, HYPEI-

RIP!

Chef Torte: GAAAAAH!

Count Bleck: There is no mercy to be shown in a duel of fate. You shall not even have the chance to open your maw.

Croco: The Count's not lettin' up with some sorta... well I dunno, looks like a blackish, holeish type of thing.

Chef Torte: Grrr... I haff fought vorse! Get a load of ZIS!

Ka-Bang!

Count Bleck: Count Bleck proceeds to shrug off your attack with a laughing gesture.

Croco: The cook tried throwin' out an Egg Bomb, but the ol' Count's just too good to be hurt by tricks like that!

Chef Torte: No! Zat had enough Fire Flower extract to down ze Hippopo in one shot! How can you shrug off zat?!

Count Bleck: Count Bleck was warned to fireproof his clothing. Moreover, the force of gravity - and explosive force, for that matter - is no match for a mastery over dimensions. What hope did you have... of defeating Count Bleck?

Chef Torte: Zis... zis ist an OUTRAGE! Feel ze pain of ze chef! Ooooh-ho-hon! I summon, ZE GIANT PEPPERMINT CANDY OF CRUSHING ZAT CRUSHES ZINGS!

EeeeeeeeeeeeeAAARRRRRSMASH!

Chef Torte: Ha! Take ZAT for underestimating me!

Croco: WOAH NELLY! I mean, uh, there's this giant peppermint... thing that dropped right outta the sky. Dunno where THAT was in the plan, I swear I'm gunna have ta get some better mooks...

Count Bleck: ... Is that the end of your display, asked Count Bleck disapprovingly.

Chef Torte: Zis... how... STOP DOING ZAT!

Count Bleck: One minute and fifteen seconds. Count Bleck supposed that he could toy with his playmate for just a bit longer.

Chef Torte: You should be CRUSHED! SMASHED! WHAM! Stop... stop being ALIVE! FALL DOWN UND DIE!

Count Bleck: Count Bleck merely foresaw such an attack and prepared a warp at this point in time. It is only natural for such a passionate man to fall into predictable patterns, mused Count Bleck.

Chef Torte: Zat... zat ist IT! I am charging zis to MAXIMUM POWAIR! Feel ze pain... of... ZE UBERTORTE!

Croco: Eh, what's that? Some kinda red jar-like thing, I... aw jeez, Count, vamoose! Seriously, it's lookin' glum!

Count Bleck: Quite a rare commodity Chef Torte presented. It was of little use, but it was an impressive show.

Chef Torte: Ze Red Essence... it ist moi trump card, ze filling inside ze donut of victory! Now face... HYPEIR PLASMA CANNON!

Shoooooom!

Count Bleck: Count Bleck dashingly took the blow head-on, sustaining a large amount of damage for dramatic convenience...

Croco: Uh... yeah, uh... Count? C'mon, I got somethin' in this bag here... Oh, here we go, Max Mushroom right here!

Chef Torte: Not a chance!

Shoom!

Croco: DANG! Ya can't fry a man's goods, shrimpy!

Count Bleck: One minute, fifty seconds... And now, Count Bleck shall end this match.

Chef Torte: Yes, it vill finish before ze two minute point. HYPEIR PLASMA CANNO-

SHING!

Chef Torte: Vat... VAT IS ZIS?! ZIS... OH NO! HELP MOI! HEEEEELP MOOOOiiiiiii!

Crunch!

Pokey: Chef Torte, out. Count Bleck, winner.

Count Bleck: One minute, fifty nine seconds. Count Bleck has spent all the time he can this day... and Count Bleck's reputation shall bring him... to his reward. Blehehehehehehehe Bleck!

Croco: U-u-ummmm... Count? I have a feelin' I'm gunna regret this but, uh... what just... happened?

Count Bleck: You are familiar with Count Bleck's ability to open dimensions freely with the void within his heart, true? Count Bleck simply opened a portal to seal him away.

Croco: ... So the fact that those were Underhands an-

Count Bleck: Count Bleck does enjoy tragic ends for his foes.

Croco: R-right, uh... oh, right! Heheh, well thanks Count, ol' buddy ol' pal, good ol' Croco just scored big on ya, you beautiful fella!

Pokey: Creepy.

Count Bleck: Count Bleck is in agreement.

Larry: Hey guys, how'd it go?

Count Bleck: The match has finished in Count Bleck's favor, just as predicted.

Larry: Huh... Well that was, uh, interesting I guess! We don't see that many good stompings lately!

Iggy: Technically we DIDN'T see it, Larry. And hey, you just ate my cherry!

Larry: Snooze ya lose. Your whipped cream was also pretty good.

Iggy: Oh, that's it!

Rumble! Rumble! Rumble!

Croco: Y'know, I learned somethin' today. This place don't get a whole lot better when we take Roy outta it.

Pokey: Agreed.

Croco: Ah well... Time to collect my dues! Hey, someone end that transmission, this safe right here ain't gunna crack itse-

Transmission Ended.

Larry: Aaaaahhhh! E-end transmission!